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Toilet frame

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,379
It's very worrying to read your post; please consider @Shedrech message to contact your Local Authority for help. Your health and wellbeing is equally important as your husband's and without you, where would he be? Stay safe x
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Thank you both for your advice. I haven’t rang for help, as I realise they are so busy with what’s happening in the World today, however, if it happens again, I will call someone, as I can’t lift him again. Thanks again for helping me. Much appreciated, as I am also helping elderly relatives with shopping etc.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
229
Hope you get something sorted out.
On the short term I have used a
The camel allows you to single handedly raise someone from the floor.
I found it easy to use.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Hope you get something sorted out.
On the short term I have used a
The camel allows you to single handedly raise someone from the floor.
I found it easy to use.
Good Evening and best wishes to you all. A lot has happened during the last few days. He’s had total body weakness and twelve falls over the last two weeks. I am with him 24/7. On Sunday I tried to assist him up from being laid on his back on the carpeted bathroom floor. A relative lifted him up, and after assisting him to have a poo, we both managed to get him downstairs to his comfy reclining chair. I’d noticed he’d not had much urine output in his catheter leg bag and his face was a little red and hot together with his usual cold hands, now quite warm. By now, he’d had five days of antibiotics for his water infection. I called the community nurses during the early hours of Monday and they managed to get his leg bag filling again. His temperature was high and other checks and lack of mobility warranted a hospital visit, but I promised to call the GP urgently in the morning, as I didn’t want him to go into hospital, as I know how serious everything is at the moment. Unfortunately, on Tuesday evening I was having difficulty getting him downstairs and advised him to sit on his bottom for safety. He rested on the bottom two steps for a while, but was utterly exhausted and there was no way he had any energy left to try and get up, even with my help. I had no option, but to call 111 for advice and they sent a couple of wonderful people, who lifted him from the floor with a device that filled with air. He was taken to hospital and given some different antibiotics. The GP had tried calling me Wednesday morning whilst I was food shopping for elderly relatives. I called back and the advice there is that he should have a placement with long term care required. He is still unsteady on his feet and not safe to come home yet, after O.T. assessment. A suggestion was respite care or coming home and a special bed in the lounge and a commode. There isn’t room for these and in any case, my fear is that he would try and get up the stairs through the night. We do have a downstairs toilet, without heating in there, but needs must. He really should have agreed to that stairlift years ago. I really don’t know yet if this is an escalation of his Multiple Sclerosis disability or his MS Dementia or a continuation of the water infection. I have made a decision that home is best for the time being, once he can move with his Zimmer and I can accompany him on the stairs and will contact the Falls Team for every fall. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,379
The only thing I can send is hope for your predicament, and love.
We can't always live the life we want, just that which comes out way.,
You are amazing, stay strong; I'm sorry I can't help in any other way, xx
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
229
Sorry to hear your troubles.
I read your post and the thought that is screaming in my head is RESPITE CARE Is the correct decision.
what if he comes home and falls down the stairs?
you sound like such a nice person I feel you would be eaten up with guilt.
If he goes to respite care one of three things will happen.
He will get better = super have him arrive in home good shape
He will stay the same= you’re will have had time to recharge your batteries and get an OT round to the house to discuss adaptations in the mean time.
He will get worse= You wouldn’t be able to manage him at home anyway.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Sorry to hear your troubles.
I read your post and the thought that is screaming in my head is RESPITE CARE Is the correct decision.
what if he comes home and falls down the stairs?
you sound like such a nice person I feel you would be eaten up with guilt.
If he goes to respite care one of three things will happen.
He will get better = super have him arrive in home good shape
He will stay the same= you’re will have had time to recharge your batteries and get an OT round to the house to discuss adaptations in the mean time.
He will get worse= You wouldn’t be able to manage him at home anyway.
Hello and thank you for your help. The O.T. yesterday reckoned he wasn’t safe to come home yet. However, this afternoon I heard a loud knock on the door and there he was, having been brought home. The discharge letter reckons they’d contacted me. A good job I wasn’t food shopping for elderly relatives. So, I’m now sat on the landing whilst he tries to have a poo, 30 minutes and waiting, so that I can shower, shave and dress him.
The NHS are doing a wonderful job, along with all the support staff, however, if he falls again, I will have no option but to call the falls team.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,051
Yorkshire
that's a shock @Sunshine2*
are you able to contact the OT to ask for some equipment to help you
maybe reply to that letter stating you definitely hadn't been contacted and did not expect this discharge with no support in place
definitely call for help when you. need it
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
that's a shock @Sunshine2*
are you able to contact the OT to ask for some equipment to help you
maybe reply to that letter stating you definitely hadn't been contacted and did not expect this discharge with no support in place
definitely call for help when you. need it
Thank you for your help. I washed his hands as soon as he was brought home unexpectedly. Gave him a drink, got him upstairs, showered and dried him, nails cut, a shave, leg bag change, contact lenses in and moisturised his skin and sorted his medication. He continually needs a poo, which is usually wind and is getting more and more confused. Shouting for advice/instructions, didn’t know what to do with the food on his plate, so I had to feed him. Had difficulty getting downstairs and needed a lot of help to sit on his bottom to get downstairs. Also shouting that he’s not messed around with other women! Where has that come from?? So strange... Anyone dealt with things like this before? Thank you.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Thank you for your help. I washed his hands as soon as he was brought home unexpectedly. Gave him a drink, got him upstairs, showered and dried him, nails cut, a shave, leg bag change, contact lenses in and moisturised his skin and sorted his medication. He continually needs a poo, which is usually wind and is getting more and more confused. Shouting for advice/instructions, didn’t know what to do with the food on his plate, so I had to feed him. Had difficulty getting downstairs and needed a lot of help to sit on his bottom to get downstairs. Also shouting that he’s not messed around with other women! Where has that come from?? So strange... Anyone dealt with things like this before? Thank you.
Hello again.
A really terrible night yet again. His legs gave way in the bathroom around 9pm and he was laid out on the bathroom carpet. During the next hour I managed to get him onto the landing with a view to getting him into bed. I’d called the hospital ward whilst he was resting, to ask why he’d been discharged without a call and brought to the drive? The O.T. the day before had said he wasn’t safe to be home yet and the night nurse said she was quite shocked too, as she’d asked where he was, when she’d started her shift. She told me he was very unsteady even with his zimmer. It will be mentioned at changeover this morning. I appreciate the NHS are doing a really difficult job and I have also thanked them enormously and it is best he is discharged ASAP due to Coronavirus, as he has Multiple Sclerosis and really confused with his MS Dementia, even more so now. After getting him into the bedroom along the floor, I had to get him into bed, as he said his ribs were getting crushed. Two minutes in and he wanted a poo, told him to stay put, as it’s wind. He’s whined, snored and made liquidy choking noises all night. If I call S.S. today, then he will probably be put into a care home under lockdown. He won’t listen to any advice/cannot store any info, needs step by step instructions and is very shouty and even weaker than when he first went into hospital.
I really don’t know what to do...
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,826
69
Dundee
What a time you‘ve had @Sunshine2*. I think it would be wise to call SS today. I know it’s hard when you consider he might be in a care home under lockdown but I so think it sounds like the safest option for both him and for you.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,235
@Sunshine2* , I can understand why your husband was sent home as hospital isn’t the ideal place for him at present, but it is obvious from your recent posts that or respite care is where he should be. I think
I’d be phoning 111 again. You sound on the very brink of not being able to manage and you don’t want both of you in hospital.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Hello again and thanks for all the advice. Social Services were to have called me last Thursday, still waiting for a call. He’s required his constant, instant attention all day. Doesn’t really know where he is as usual, always asking time, month, day etc. Nodding off throughout the day. Wanting to go for a wee and constant poos, so I have to be with him on the stairs. Had to manipulate his newly fitted leg bag as it was clogging a little. The toilet frame that had been in situ for a few days was moved across the bathroom by him and he told me it was useless and he didn’t need it. He went into the bathroom for yet another poo around 10 pm tonight, shouting loudly and he’d literally fallen into it. So I had to get him out of it and he was quite angry that I wouldn’t lift him up onto the toilet. I left him to it. My hips and back are still hurting from lifting him last night. Had to then get him back to bedroom via his Zimmer, fit night bag and lift his heavy legs into bed. Let’s hope I can have a few hours sleep tonight for once. Once everything better, I will visit some care homes, as I can’t meet his needs anymore, as he is having a fall every day and because I’m his wife, he is demanding that I get him up! He certainly wouldn’t use a stairlift and had always resisted. My 30 years of caring will be coming to an end!
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,399
cornwall
Hello again and thanks for all the advice. Social Services were to have called me last Thursday, still waiting for a call. He’s required his constant, instant attention all day. Doesn’t really know where he is as usual, always asking time, month, day etc. Nodding off throughout the day. Wanting to go for a wee and constant poos, so I have to be with him on the stairs. Had to manipulate his newly fitted leg bag as it was clogging a little. The toilet frame that had been in situ for a few days was moved across the bathroom by him and he told me it was useless and he didn’t need it. He went into the bathroom for yet another poo around 10 pm tonight, shouting loudly and he’d literally fallen into it. So I had to get him out of it and he was quite angry that I wouldn’t lift him up onto the toilet. I left him to it. My hips and back are still hurting from lifting him last night. Had to then get him back to bedroom via his Zimmer, fit night bag and lift his heavy legs into bed. Let’s hope I can have a few hours sleep tonight for once. Once everything better, I will visit some care homes, as I can’t meet his needs anymore, as he is having a fall every day and because I’m his wife, he is demanding that I get him up! He certainly wouldn’t use a stairlift and had always resisted. My 30 years of caring will be coming to an end!
30 years! I couldn’t do that for a partner. I have done caring since the 80’s but in a professional capacity. I struggle to take care of my parents for 5years. You’re an angel for doing that but I can see why you want to finish. Aggressiveness is not nice and with your health you are right to be concerned. Good luck.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,826
69
Dundee
Good morning @Sunshine2* I hope you managed to get some rest last night.

I know these are difficult times but I do think you should ring the Social Worker back as you haven’t had a call. Perhaps there would be a chance of emergency respite for him. I don’t know if this is possible during the crisis we are living through but they need to know how bad things are for you.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Thank you for your help and guidance. I don’t know what I would do without DTP, just writing it all down really helps me. Yes, I did have some sleep, which is a rarity. Many thanks. Best wishes to all.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Hello and I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected. Husband still at home, legs gave way in the carpeted hallway around tea-time last night, despite using zimmer, but he managed to pull himself up with the help of the stairs and the handrails. I left him asleep this morning whilst I did some food shopping for ourselves and an elderly relative. No falls today and I also managed to get him just outside the back door with the help of zimmer and to sit on the garden bench, to enjoy his lunch and the lovely sunshine. Let’s hope it stays like this . Take care.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
85
Hello and an angry day from him. I put his tablets into a container and he insists on taking them himself with the provided water. I could hear him shouting and swearing that he couldn’t find them at the table, whilst I was using the bathroom and gets so angry if I don’t give him constant, instant attention. So I ventured downstairs to show him them. He was then having a poo and decided to strip off, when usually I help him in the bedroom. He slung the pyjamas across the bedroom due to being in a bad mood and slipped off the bed, getting more and more angry. Finally, after two attempts he listened and I lifted and bent his left leg to get him onto the bed, pyjamas, socks and night bag on. As soon as all this virus is over, I will be visiting care homes. I have cared for a selfish, uncaring man for 30 years and I am worn out with all the caring, personal care, lifting and wheelchair pushing. Not the kind of life I envisaged and having to deal with his shouting and swearing. Goodnight all.
 

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