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Toilet frame

colliemag

New member
Jun 11, 2020
2
We had a rail fitted just above the radiator so that my husband won't use it to pull himself up. I sometimes find that he uses the rail as he would the radiator, to dry a towel, so I just have to move it. So far the rail has worked.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
97
Hello, Yes, the rail is a good idea and we had one just like you over the radiator. Unfortunately, my husband broke this and I couldn’t mend it, so we had the toilet frame to prevent him burning his hands on the hot radiator, which even if I say helps me, he won’t use it.
He’s also pulled the towel rail off the back of the bathroom door and also the door handle. I find wobbly drawer/wardrobe knobs everywhere that I have to tighten and the kitchen door handle is off again. I literally have to follow him around putting his Zimmer frame in the way, so he uses it, as in his mind he can walk quite well, he says !
Thought I would share the following with you all: Washing my hands, looking out over the garden and there’s a baby starling on a branch, waiting patiently for a space on the fat ball feeder. It is raining heavily and the bird is looking up and around wondering what it all is! The bird has only known lovely warm weather until now. Happy days...
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
97
Good Evening, Just wondering if anyone else has a husband like mine, that insists that I am in the same room as him, when I take a phone call? If I’m in another room and he hears the phone, he will open the door to listen in.
If I receive a call and he’s listening to the TV, then I will take the call upstairs. He starts angrily shouting and getting very annoyed and starts banging his zimmer and doors. He tells me every time I get a text, even if I’m reading it and wants to know who’s sent a text and what they have said. The same with emails.
If I’m eating, he gets so angry if I don’t answer him straight away. He expects me to choke and give instant, constant answers.
I do everything for him, answer the same questions over and over again during the day/night.
I am beginning to resent his behaviour and after 30 years of his many, many health conditions including being disabled with MS and having MS Dementia, I am worn out.
He is so controlling...
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,788
cornwall
Good Evening, Just wondering if anyone else has a husband like mine, that insists that I am in the same room as him, when I take a phone call? If I’m in another room and he hears the phone, he will open the door to listen in.
If I receive a call and he’s listening to the TV, then I will take the call upstairs. He starts angrily shouting and getting very annoyed and starts banging his zimmer and doors. He tells me every time I get a text, even if I’m reading it and wants to know who’s sent a text and what they have said. The same with emails.
If I’m eating, he gets so angry if I don’t answer him straight away. He expects me to choke and give instant, constant answers.
I do everything for him, answer the same questions over and over again during the day/night.
I am beginning to resent his behaviour and after 30 years of his many, many health conditions including being disabled with MS and having MS Dementia, I am worn out.
He is so controlling...
Hi. I don’t have a husband (divorced many moons ago)but I do have a controlling dad(not so bad now). Dad is passive aggressive I would say.
Can you not get carers in? I know he won’t like it but despite what PWD like to think slavery went out years ago.
My dad was very anti carers but I told him it was me or them..Simples..He went with them but I am in a lot anyway.
I stepped back because of my mental health because my dad would expect more and more. I have a life and I’m entitled to live it..If dad doesn’t like it then sorry and he will have to put up with it.
If your husband is aggressive to you ,you need to make sure you are safe.
I would get hold of SS and get a carers assessment without telling him. You can always email.
You need to take some time for you..Take care and let us know how you are doing. ((Hugs))
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
97
Hello and thank you for your reply and telling it as it is and I appreciate that.
Woke up this morning and he was literally covered in urine, pyjamas, bedding, mattress protector and mattress all soaked through.
Basically, the nurse had changed his indwelling catheter last week, as it was blocked and he was bypassing.
When the indwelling part is replaced, it comes with a leg bag already attached and once the straps are attached, it is all sorted. This morning, all he had was the leg bag with the plastic upper pipe bit still attached, but the rubber stopper attachment missing, so in theory all the urine was dripping down. As he usually passes 1-1.5 litres of urine each night, there was quite a mess to clear up. Pyjamas in the wash, new leg bag attached, showered and dried him and he’s good to go.
Nothing like all this to put you off your breakfast and all he says is: “Did I ask you to sort it?” (in a condescending manner).
He really wouldn’t have a clue.
I tell him that only I must attend to his leg bag and I empty it during the day, however, if there’s even an egg cup full of urine in his bag and he’s gone to open his bowels for the sixth time that day, I have occasionally found him with one leg on the toilet bowl trying to empty it and the tap lever on it all twisted. So, thinking about it all, he’s probably made it loose and he does have nightly muscle spasms.
He will never store any advice I give him and I can’t sit outside the bathroom for hours on end...
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,788
cornwall
Hello and thank you for your reply and telling it as it is and I appreciate that.
Woke up this morning and he was literally covered in urine, pyjamas, bedding, mattress protector and mattress all soaked through.
Basically, the nurse had changed his indwelling catheter last week, as it was blocked and he was bypassing.
When the indwelling part is replaced, it comes with a leg bag already attached and once the straps are attached, it is all sorted. This morning, all he had was the leg bag with the plastic upper pipe bit still attached, but the rubber stopper attachment missing, so in theory all the urine was dripping down. As he usually passes 1-1.5 litres of urine each night, there was quite a mess to clear up. Pyjamas in the wash, new leg bag attached, showered and dried him and he’s good to go.
Nothing like all this to put you off your breakfast and all he says is: “Did I ask you to sort it?” (in a condescending manner).
He really wouldn’t have a clue.
I tell him that only I must attend to his leg bag and I empty it during the day, however, if there’s even an egg cup full of urine in his bag and he’s gone to open his bowels for the sixth time that day, I have occasionally found him with one leg on the toilet bowl trying to empty it and the tap lever on it all twisted. So, thinking about it all, he’s probably made it loose and he does have nightly muscle spasms.
He will never store any advice I give him and I can’t sit outside the bathroom for hours on end...
Dad has a permanent catheter too. He has an infection with it as it was oozing pus and blood.So now antibiotics and a chest X-ray to be dealt with. I wasn’t dad’s favourite person yesterday but hey ho😀
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,672
South coast
This morning, all he had was the leg bag with the plastic upper pipe bit still attached, but the rubber stopper attachment missing, so in theory all the urine was dripping down. As he usually passes 1-1.5 litres of urine each night, there was quite a mess to clear up.
Ive had this happen too. OMG, it took some clearing up. OH passes about 1.5 - 2 litres of urine overnight, but practically nothing during the day (a condition called nocturnal polyuria), so he only has to empty the lag bag once a day in the evening. OH has a valve with a cylinder that slides from side to side, rather than a lever as he finds this easier due to his hand tremor. Do you think your OH might find it easier too?
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
97
Good Afternoon all, hope you’re all doing okay.
Just wondering if it is usual for a PWD to be frequently clearing their throat throughout the day? My husband has MS too and has frequent muscle spasms throughout the night, snores through it all, but makes choking noises too and sometimes has to clear his throat in a tissue. He has plenty of fluids, so I’m not sure what else I can do. He’s always cold too, has thermals on and indoor sheepskin gloves on, despite the house being warm.
The clearing of his throat throughout the day is more noticeable now and he sometimes does a lot of coughing after his evening meal, despite me cutting his food up.
Thank you in advance for your help and guidance.
(A close 77 year old relative had a brain bleed/stroke 11 days ago. She called me for help, as I’ve been doing her shopping, as she has asthma and COPD. I called an ambulance straight away, as her speech was impaired and I wondered if she’d had a stroke. She is having physio in hospital, can only stand with help, unable to walk at the moment and I’m hoping she gets her mobility back with physio. What are the chances of this please? I know a lot of you all have experience of these things. Thank you.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,672
South coast
A close 77 year old relative had a brain bleed/stroke 11 days ago. She called me for help, as I’ve been doing her shopping, as she has asthma and COPD. I called an ambulance straight away, as her speech was impaired and I wondered if she’d had a stroke. She is having physio in hospital, can only stand with help, unable to walk at the moment and I’m hoping she gets her mobility back with physio. What are the chances of this please?
Im afraid this is impossible to predict on a forum - it depends entirely on where it is in the brain, how bad it is, how quickly the bleed resolves and how motivated she is with the physio. Having got her into hospital promptly will give her the best chance, though
xx
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
97
Good Morning, Well, yet another sleepless night with his muscle spasms shaking his whole body, his snoring and choking noises. I haven’t actually slept yet. Just put both his legs back in the bed, they were both on the floor kicking away at his night bag. The last time I slept continuously was in April, the first night of him being in hospital.
He has straight, plank like legs, his right leg won’t move (MS related) and his left leg isn’t much better. Can’t lift the whole mattress to tuck him in and in any case I can’t trap the indwelling catheter pipe work.
He’s now back to his snoring.
I’ve tried sleeping in another room, he senses I’m not there, starts banging all the doors, putting lights on, in the room I’m in or simply wandering about. Then he starts shouting and ordering me out of the house.
I don’t have a solution...
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,787
South East
@Sunshine2* how are you still functioning ?! I am a real moody so and so and find it almost impossible to function with disturbed sleep , I don’t know how you do it . Can you nap during the day ?
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,850
Hi @Sunshine2*, I know it's not what you want to hear, but I do think you need to think about re-starting the discussion about your husband moving into care. You won't be able to carry on caring for him much longer they way things are going and it would be better to get things sorted when it wasn't an emergency as you've been admitted to hospital having collapsed. Do you have any help during the day that could mean you catch up on sleep then? Not ideal, but better than trying to manage with no sleep.
I know your husband wants to be at home, and you are respecting his wishes, but your wishes and needs are equally important.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,310
Yorkshire
Hi @Sunshine2*
I am so worried about what all this is doing to you
@Sarasa has put it kindly, I'll be blunt
there is no solution
and your husband's condition will only get worse
he needs a team of carers around him in residential care
you need to have some rest
not what either of you want but what you need
sorry