Such a change in a few days, is this usual AD behaviour?

[gilly33]

My husband was diagnosed with very mild AD/VD but Consultant emphasised he almost stalled to do so, and debated to wait a year. However, prescribed Donepezil which has had reasonable results.
Everyone around feels he seems better, more confident etc.
I got Covid this week, and have felt quite unwell. Not once has he shown any care, offered to get me anything.
I have struggled to get meals together.
Today I went for a short walk, felt wobbly, came back, again no offer of even a drink.
He was told to do Wordsearch, use the brain, make diary notes, but will not bother unless I nag.
But today is obsessed with doing Wordsearch because I've said to.
He cannot explain his lack of care, and makes no changes to remedy that.
Do you think a downturn has occurred overnight just because I'm not well?
I wouldn't mind betting once things return to normal he will too.
This is all very worrying. Reading stories on here breaks my heart for the many people suffering.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @gilly33 and welcome to the forum, you'll find friendly support and advice here. Sorry to hear that you have Covid and are feeling unwell. As your husband has had a downturn overnight is it possible that he has Covid too? Any type of infection can cause a downturn in someone with dementia, and they won't always display the 'typical' symptoms of Covid either, so it may be worth testing him to check.

 

[nellbelles]

Hi and welcome is it possible your husband could have an infection my husband would react badly to having a water infection. I hope you soon feel better!

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @gilly33.

I'm sorry to hear that you are unwell. It's tough caring for someone else when you fell bad yourself.

I think it's quite common for people who have dementia to show less empathy. That doesn't make it any easier of course. Like @nellbelles I also wondered about a urine infection. My husband and my mum both had dementia and were prone to UTIs. They always made their dementia worse.

It could, of course, just be that he's missing the attention you give him when you're feeling well!

 

[gilly33]

Thanks everyone for your welcome replies.
I'm struggling to understand the change in him as he's usually pretty helpful, though no cooking ever!
It's like he is a different person, admits he should be doing more if I point out the lack of care for me this week, but makes no change.
His diagnosis was in December, and the Consultant felt he could have several years of being OK with the Donepezil.
When he went to vote he took the wrong passport, returned to vote, but again with the wrong one. Said he felt nervous even going. It seems everything must stay exactly the same, nothing out of routine ever, however small, in order for calm and peace.
Is that how others see life now?

 

[Bevhar]

My husband was diagnosed with very mild AD/VD but Consultant emphasised he almost stalled to do so, and debated to wait a year. However, prescribed Donepezil which has had reasonable results.
Everyone around feels he seems better, more confident etc.
I got Covid this week, and have felt quite unwell. Not once has he shown any care, offered to get me anything.
I have struggled to get meals together.
Today I went for a short walk, felt wobbly, came back, again no offer of even a drink.
He was told to do Wordsearch, use the brain, make diary notes, but will not bother unless I nag.
But today is obsessed with doing Wordsearch because I've said to.
He cannot explain his lack of care, and makes no changes to remedy that.
Do you think a downturn has occurred overnight just because I'm not well?
I wouldn't mind betting once things return to normal he will too.
This is all very worrying. Reading stories on here breaks my heart for the many people suffering.

I think part of this awful disease is lack of empathy I had a nasty fall & broke my hand & cracked my ribs I was in so much pain My husband was the kindest most considerate person but that’s no longer the case if you look you will see I’ve just posted as I’ve had an awful day today There doesn’t seem to be anything to look forward to at the moment I
Think my eldest daughter is finding it difficult. As she lives near us she’s on her own with 8 year old twins & works full time I think she is worrying she’ll be left to care for us which is the last thing I would want can I ask how old is your husband I’m 70 but feel 90 at the moment my husband is only 68 I really feel for you & totally understand this forum is my lifeline x

 

[gilly33]

Oh bless you, that's awful to have so much damage from a fall.
My husband is 73, I'm 67 but feel much younger!
I know what you mean about our daughters having to pick up the pieces I will do anything to avoid that happening. Mine has children with additional needs, so has enough to cope with.
Do you have a garden you can sit in for a while? Take some deep breaths, and think of yourself and your recovery. I think that is necessary at this time. You will heal and have better days.

 

[Bevhar]

Oh bless you, that's awful to have so much damage from a fall.
My husband is 73, I'm 67 but feel much younger!
I know what you mean about our daughters having to pick up the pieces I will do anything to avoid that happening. Mine has children with additional needs, so has enough to cope with.
Do you have a garden you can sit in for a while? Take some deep breaths, and think of yourself and your recovery. I think that is necessary at this time. You will heal and have better days.

Yes I have got a garden That’s good you feel younger How have your daughters coped with their Dads diagnosis I remember my mother always said she didn’t want to be a burden to me (I’m an only child) I was heartbroken when she passed away at 70
then my Dad a couple of years later he was unwell with quite a few things wrong My husband was my absolute rock through all this My eldest daughters partner committed suicide while he was in Afghanistan again my husband was there taking care of us all It took my daughter a long time to get over & unfortunately after meeting her ex husband at 32 & having 2 children the marriage broke down This is why I don’t want her or my other daughter to deal with this I try not to say too much to my girls & pretend everything is ok to my friends It’s so lonely at times so grateful to all the wonderful people on here xx