So is this it...?

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by DesperateofDevon, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    this cannot go on forever one way or another this will be resolved.
    It’s a frightening experience that this is the care system that we are experiencing but I know that there are Care homes out there that are excellent- this just isn’t one of them.
     
  2. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    Wow care home just rang to say Dads chair has arrived! Amazingly just a couple of hours ago Dads social worker queries wether he requires it - after talking with care home.

    Be interesting to see if he’s still served notice? As discussed between the care home & sw?


    Am so relieved Dads chair has arrived & he is sitting in it! Woohoo!

    would love to think that’s the end of this debacle but somehow......
     
  3. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    630
    Female
    For today, just focus on your dad sitting comfortably - at last something good has happened.
    And maybe tomorrow will bring a little bit of positivity as well, I truly hope so @DesperateofDevon, it's time someone somewhere was on your side.
    (Of course, we all are on TP, XX)
     
  4. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    486
    Bedford
    So glad to hear that the chair has arrived.
    Hugs back to you
     
  5. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    162
    Female
    oh wow that good news! someone listened somewhere
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    Thanks folks, it’s good news ... let’s hope you all get some as well . Xx
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    I am trying to be more positive, but with the social worker telling my husband that the care home are Considering serving notice means I’m in bits!

    when will this ever end! ?!

    tbh it could be the answer to my prayers or a fresh level of hell?
     
  8. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    806
    Female
    cornwall
    One step at a time!They are considering but have not done so yet.
    It will be better for you and your dad but there is little you can do at the moment.
    Step back &breathe.
    There is nothing in life that cannot be dealt with but in order to do so you have to be well.
    Easier said than done I know but I have learnt to accept what I cannot change and deal with what I can..But,only at my pace..(((Hugs)))lots of them
     
  9. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    Thank you. I have asked Mums carers to sort out her shopping as I’m at the end of my energy levels!

    I realise that I need to leave OH & daughter deal with everything- I can’t do it all anymore. Accepting that is my next step.

    Asking for help means I’m opening myself up to rejection, but I’m learning there are certain people I can rely on & Mums care team is one of them!

    Hugs are much appreciated at the moment
    Xx
     
  10. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    162
    Female
    lean on the people you can rely on! they are a treasure to hold on to! as i am sure you know.....i know when i am not well how things fall apart as i dont have family support. (unless there is a dire emergency then they might but i dont know how bad it has to get yet...not got there! ) i had a hip replacement operation and had to look after myself. so not holding out much hope of anything o_O)
    as you have these wonderful carers give yourself time and get better.
     
  11. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    410
    Female
    South East
    @silver'lantern that is really sad and hard to read , how on earth do they sleep at night :( I find humans so hard to understand . @DesperateofDevon i hope you can take time out and give yourself some peace , your saint hubby and daughter sound competent enough to take over the baton for a while . Take care and more hugs sent .
     
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    oh my a hip operation is a huge thing to have to cope with; I really couldn’t imagine how impossible your situation must have been. Reading others posts is truly inspirational about the amazing people that are on this forum.
    Xx
     
  13. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    I have realised that there is only so much any one person can mentally Cope with; physically we plod onwards!
    Humans are amazing & at the other end of the spectrum shockingly appalling!!

    I think kindness & consideration need to be a priority for those who regularly disregard others needs & situation; but to quote my friends daughter in her youth when faced with injustice
    “God will get them!”

    nice!!!
     
  14. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    So folks it’s been a busy weekend- just a taster of what’s to come next weekend though!!! Eeek!!!!!!

    Finally got almost rid of flu/ cold thingy!
    So on Saturday morning after an early start restocking Mother hubbards cupboards ( really have used up all fresh goods & tins!) visited Dad & inspected his new wheelchair- wow from not having one to now having a state of the art chair! Thank fully it’s not powered

    but reclines & adjusts into any position.
    Already Dads colour is better - you can see he’s not in pain, still dozedoff every minute though! But when he does come to he was able to speak & see his surroundings

    Hilariously he didn’t know who I was & asked if my husband was my father! As I was feeling & looking far from my best & makeup free - I have decided to take my compliments were ever I can get them!
     
  15. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    162
    Female
    I struggled with it at the time but I have reassessed my situation and now look at it all differently so no longer eating away at me :)
    Wise words from your young friend. I have decided the anger, frustrations and disappointment were dragging me down and not helping my mental state. I had to let it go and found it was! I felt so much better once I got my head around it. I look after me....I dont let me down :D
     
  16. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    486
    Bedford
    Glad to hear you have nearly got rid of the cold/flu and it gave you a chance to restock.
    Really pleased to hear about your Dad’s new wheelchair for both you and your Dad. Fantastic if he is no longer in pain
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,814
    Female
    South coast
    Hang on to this thought.

    I know its insulting and arrogant for the CH and SW to suggest that its your fault, but by whatever means, if your dad is moved somewhere else that meats his needs, then that is a win for you.
     
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    yes I have come to terms with things - as of yet no notice has been given. I’ve even thought if they do & Dads places near Mum how lovely would it be for her. I have to say I have started to accept that I have done my best & I need to start living a little more.

    I went to the beach today to collect pebbles & sea glass & pottery for my artwork. It felt surreal, what used to be my daily stroll felt surreal.

    It’s a no win situation with dementia, Dads comfort is the priority as are his best interests. I would love to get Dad into a new home - but he’s settled. I’m not pushing for any anymore- I’m all out of energy ....for the time being!
     
  19. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    Ian learning to trust my daughter & husband , & ask for help. I’m very self sufficient! x
     
  20. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    It’s making such a difference it’s lovely
    X
     

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