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So is this it...?

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by DesperateofDevon, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,332
    Nottinghamshire
    It’s love @DesperateofDevon pure and simple. I couldn’t have done anything different to what I did and I’m slowly emerging from the other side of caring. I don’t regret what I did but I’m glad to be getting my life back now.
     
  2. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    156
    Female
    like a lot! the twinkles set it off a treat
     
  3. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    Is it wrong that I am angry that the social worker cancelled the assessment so that they could go on a course? that course will mean that SW will get paid a higher hourly rate!

    I feel that cancelling & rearranging appointments for personal gain is morally wrong, as surely if it was a court case then the SW wouldn’t have cancelled that & asked for it to be rearranged?

    I’m fed up with the whole system failing Dad at every opportunity

    I will wait to see the outcome next week of the assessment & then vent if not acceptable solutions are supplied!

    I really just want all of this to stop now & seriously realise the home cannot fulfil dads care needs! Time to face facts !
     
  4. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    472
    Bedford
    No I don’t think it is wrong to be angry at all. In your situation I think I would be the same. You have been let down do many times by the system. I can only send you virtual hugs.
    Do you have your crafting selling event today? If so I help it goes well for you and perhaps provides a distraction for a while
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    Tomorrow is a Christmas market, I shall be spreading my germs & goodwill to all!
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    Well the social worker is meant to be assessing Dads care needs..... let’s just say she won’t be getting any input from me! No I haven’t heard from her!! No replies to emails etc.....

    Aaaargggh! So frustrating! I await the outcome! Am now just letting them contact me! They win , I’m all out of energy to keep pushing!
     
  7. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    156
    Female
    @DesperateofDevon i hope its a win win and dad gets his needs met. its been a rough ride but i hope this is the end of it and people listen and dad is comfy and your worries are settled.
    how did your weekend event go?
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    Just picked up a voicemail on my mobile( no reception on my mobile when I’m at home!) social worker has visited Dad & done the assessment ! She’s spoken to everyone the care home, social worker doing safeguarding etc.... everyone except us the LPA & advocate for Dad. To say I’m boiling mad is an understatement!

    How can it be right to cut family out of a care needs assessment?

    anyone else experienced this?

    looking forward to a good explanation!
     
  9. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    876
    You said in a previous post that SW would not be getting any input from you.I'm a bit confused tbh
     
  10. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    SW as Dad hasn’t any capacity need an advocate or LPA present. My OH works away so it was Advocate or LPA- the SW doesn’t communicate with Advocate or LPA cutting the family out.

    I have had to stand back from this situation as I have been taken into hospital several times over the past few months with health complications- I am registered disabled with ongoing health issues.

    The safeguarding issues with Dad tipped the balance & my OH ( LPA) & daughter ( became her Grandads Advocate ) stepped forward after experiencing the authorities attitudes towards myself. Safeguarding is still ongoing, we haven’t heard a thing from the safeguarding team, home, GP, etc

    after the OT & SALT team raised more issues with safeguarding about Dads situation- nothing has changed. We still visit to find the home trying to feed him with his head on his chest in the lounge, the OT reported this issue to safeguarding herself she was so concerned by it.

    Trying to step back from this situation is totally impossible- as I am the liaison point. No one else coordinates anything- not the CH, GP, etc.

    Palliative Care should be in place but it isn’t.

    At the end of the day this is my darling Dad. The man who adopted & raised me as his own. The person who unconditionally loved me. Wiped away my tears, showed me how to climb trees, take a car engine apart & put it back together, lifted me up to show me the first birds eggs in the nest- the list goes on.

    I cannot in all decency just leave him to be treated like this- it’s appalling at the home’s& the district nurse arrogance & that they feel it’s acceptable to cut family out of decisions.

    So I cannot voice my concerns face to face without these so called professionals pulling rank - but neither can I let my Dad be in pain - still not being given his oromorph when he needs it!

    TBH I can’t see how anyone couldn’t understand the emotion of not being able to just step away
     
  11. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    Each day my Mum rings & cries down the phone. Each day I sink a little lower. Each day Mum asks why she’s being punished like this, then each day she tries to prove that she doesn’t need the care package in place. Each day Dad slowly sleeps more & more.

    Each day a little more of me shrivels inside knowing that the same issues, phone calls etc will happen.

    This Groundhog Day of mine...
     
  12. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    156
    Female
    Oh @DesperateofDevon i can hear the dispare in your words today. Don't ever forget 'each day' you do the best you can for your parents. the system is failing them not you. each day you face the onslaught. each day you solve a problem each day you care, every waking moment of each day you care.
    dont let anyone tell you any different. not even yourself! tell yourself 'you are doing a grand job girl.'
    some days it gets the better of us and we wonder if we are doing enough. the best you can do is enough. all we can do is our best. we all do the best we can and a more. the rest is out of our control
    take care
     
  13. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    472
    Bedford
    I am on an uneven road at the moment but yours has been so much rockier. I can just see how much you love your Dad and just want a decent level of care for him
     
  14. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    787
    Female
    cornwall
    I’m so sorry to hear this.I was hoping things would have improved..Arrogance seems to be a thing in the medical profession!
     
  15. Flavelle

    Flavelle Registered User

    Jun 20, 2017
    36
    Wise words silver lantern You are doing a grand job! DoD... Those within the care system might seem cold, though their shutting you out could be like a sterile scalpel protecting your core from shrivelling more. Love and respect
     
  16. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    245
    Male
    I'm saddened to hear this @DesperateofDevon, it does seem relentless, but you and your family have been immense through all of this for your Dad (and Mum) - stay strong.
     
  17. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,332
    Nottinghamshire
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    @Bunpoots @Pete1 @Flavelle @TNNJ @silver'lantern @Bikerbeth

    your kind words & thoughts have brought tears( not uncommon daily!)

    Today I was proactive, sitting back & letting this process take its course is torturous... So contacted SS & actually spoke to a human who has escalated the issues Head of social services; this human is also contacting NHS for an assessment ( the same assessment we have been asking the care home / district nurse/ GP for since September ) - they also told me to ring the Office of Guardians !

    so all done

    husband just picked up landline to Dads social worker - who informed us that the care home discussed with her serving notice! Right at the end of the conversation OH told her we’d been in contact with the funding authority!

    bit late as we requested Dads removal from Care home as Dads care needs & safeguarding issues aren’t being met with Head of social services.

    the SW who met with ch etc couldn’t explain why we weren’t involved or invited to these meetings.

    I can only hope that someone somewhere will be culpable for the lack of care supplied

    meanwhile the SW states that all communication has broken down with the family. As it’s us trying to communicate & them ignoring us it’s a bit insulting to say the least.

    at least the old saying if you give someone enough rope they will hang themselves is true. Sadly it doesn’t ensure my Dads care needs are met!

    hopefully Dad will be out of the CH soon!
     
  19. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    I’m sorry your road is rocky
    (((((((Hugs ))))))) & love
    Take care lovely
    Xx
     
  20. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,332
    Nottinghamshire

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