So bizarre !

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Its a mark of how much easier life is with a replacement laptop for work, that I mostly have the time to come on here in the morning, instead of spending the time trying to frantically catch up with admin - I still have a lot of backlog from all the IT issues to sort, but I'm up to date with all the current stuff, at the end of each working day!

Spamar, I vaguely remember caravan holidays to Blackpool when I was maybe 4 or 5, and after that it was the odd weekend spent with my Gran, and then my next holiday was when I was 16, and a friends family invited me to Anglesey for the week. Didn't go on a 'proper' holiday till I could pay for it myself, and didn't go abroad for the first time till I was I think 23! I hope you can get tickets for the concerts that you want - I'd quite like the Michael Parkinson talk, I think - I would imagine he has some fantastic stories of all the people he interviewed

Oh, Amy - I needed your post this morning! We had a bit of a to-do, with dau last night. Despite OH and I asking her not to do something, she did, and then got cross when we pulled her on it - and though it had absolutely nothing to do with what we had told her off for, she straight away started throwing in that we were 'rubbing her nose' in the fact that she isn't coming on the holiday with us. Apparently, not only had I made the comment about the toiletries I'd bought, but I'd also said in passing, that I had to find time to go and sort out changing some sterling to euro's. And that constitutes 'rubbing her nose in it', it seems. She has chosen to interpret us going away without her as a rejection - we 'don't want her' according to dau. I've tried - when I've spoken to her about this previously - explaining that it's no different from her going off to concerts, parties and days out with her mates and not wanting us to go with her. That we don't expect her to include us in all the things she does, that we don't think it means that she 'doesn't want' us. But - according to Dau, thats 'different' . I've tried explaining - though I shouldn't have to - that sometimes, her Dad and I like to have some time together - she wondered why we 'bothered having kids' if that's the case. ARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH. It ended with her storming off up to bed, leaving me feeling miserable, and OH feeling really cross. She just doesn't get it - for all the reasons you describe, Amy. It's spoiling my anticipation of the break and I almost wish we could cancel - OH says that for her sake, as well as ours, that would be the worst thing we could do, and I know he is right. But I still feel rotten about it all. We have to leave at something like 4a.m. on Monday morning - I am absolutely dreading the night before, I can tell you

The fines idea is great - just don't think I could cope with the inevitable tantrums that would go with it at the moment, lol.

OH said something similar to you, Amethyst - that dau should be glad that she has parents who are still together and who want to be together x

I felt so much better yesterday, that I probably did way too much, and paid for it with a lot of pain last night, which along with being upset over dau, did not help me sleep. But, a lot of the house 'jobs' are done and I am packed for Monday - hoping that means a fairly easy weekend ahead for me.

I also went to see Mil, finally dropping off the toiletries. She wasn't without, whllst waiting for me, btw, I just like to make sure that she always has 'enough', so tend to stock up well before she runs out of anything. She didn't have a clue who I was. And I found myself thinking that in an odd way, that this is maybe a good thing? If she doesn't remember me, or who I am, she isn't thinking of me as 'her husbands' fancy piece' or expecting me to take her home, and so I think she is more inclined to be nice with me. Does that make sense? She is mostly over the chest infection, just the odd bout of residual coughing. Throughout the visit, she was either 'in work' or 'in school', and she asked me about 'Kathleen', 'Mrs Kay' and 'that womans oldest daughter' - not a clue who these people are, but I was able to find replies that didn't make her cross, so I guess it doesn't matter. The odd repetition was there once or twice, and several times she started to say something or ask something, but couldn't complete the sentence. As she put it - 'I've lost the words I want' - which is sad, but I comforted myself with the fact that it didn't seem to worry her, at all. Its strange, isn't it? Clear deteriorations, not knowing me, the speech issues - but the fact that forgetting me so completely and that she is now so far downhill that she isn't fretting over the lost words and repetititon means that there is less frustration and upset for her, and that makes me glad for her sake.

A lovely outdoors session at a wildlife reserve with one of my groups this morning, a quick drop in at the homeless shealter to leave them some care packs another group has put together, and a couple of hours admin - and thats me done for the next week Jobs to be done this weekend include cleaning the car (the interior is a mess, managed to drag my work case through grit and sand at Mondays session at the college, didn't realise and as I shoved the case in my back seat, its now covered!), keep on top of the house and washing, and a brief shop to make sure dau isn't without anything while we are away - OH says I should leave her to sort it herself, but I say just because she is being unpleasant, I don't need to sink to the same level!

Take care everyone, and love to all xxxxx

 

[2jays]

I’m back! Having been well and truly looked after by Emma and her brother, so much so I’m exausted

Juggles - so sorry to read about your friend xxxx

Ann - that daughter of yours !!! She will grow up one day and get some perspective on real life then maybe you will finally see that you are a fantastic parent as she’s shows how understanding and loving she can be

Amy - squishy hugs

Dishwashers. What is it with dishwashers breaking down. Grandson has an active mind.... polite term.... he pulled a knob off dau2 dishwasher and it took me ages to sort that out, came home to our dishwasher having a funny 5mins. I screamed at that one... switched it off and told it to behave or I would replace it. Turned it on and it’s working perfectly

Im a reluctant granny until after the event, if you know what I mean. Hindsight makes it all magical, at the time, thats a different matter

I am also a granny that has told children that I will not be a childminder but will be a granny who visits and accepts visits regularly

Stressed very strongly that I will be a granny who steps in when an emergency arises. we have had a few emergency times between the three kids and 6 grandchildren this year, so it can feel I’m constantly on call. Keeps the blood pumping, so keeps me active

Off to Madeira with cousins, so that’s not necessarily going to be a relaxing time as tho we have been going 15/16 years and know it back to front it feels, this will be cousins first visit therefore feel duty bound to show the sights and I don’t like hills or high places and have told 1J never again holiday to Madeira, but he doesn’t understand the words “I’m never again going to...”

Ann - I belong to a world wide genealogy site so if you want me to do some research for you just PM me - or should that be just conversation me - and I will have a hunt.

Buckets of squishy hugs to all

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, Ann, I'm so sorry your youngest is so upset and being so difficult. It almost sounds like sour grapes on her part-if she is upset enough, you will "relent" and take her with you, and if you don't take her with you, she will make sure you can't enjoy it! I know it sounds a bit like a toddler having a tantrum, but teenagers sometimes act that way when they get emotional.

I have a psychologist in the family, who mostly worked with children. She told me once that teenagers not only feel emotions very intensely, and of course without the adult perspective we bring to the situation, but also lack the insight to understand that they will feel differently later on. That is part of why they get so passionate and overwrought. They don't grasp that they won't always feel this way forever, that their circumstances and perspectives will change.

I'm not explaining this as well as my aunt does, but I'm attempting to reassure you that you are not bad parents! You are simply parents to a teenager.

I understand what you mean about MIL. The decline is painful to see, yet the lack of distress and aggression is a positive thing, but to have it be the result of the decline, and to be grateful she is worse, feels wrong, like a sick joke from the universe or being pleased at someone's misfortune or something. Again, I'm not expressing this quite the way I intend, and am not wishing to upset anyone. This is a tough disease and it's hard to find the silver linings in the cloud.

 

[Spamar]

Hi. Welcome to all holiday makers, past and nearly present.
Ann, I’m not qualified to say anything, so have a great time!
2Jays, glad everything went well.

Went for lunch with friends today, got told off cos forgot to bring a book with me that I know they would like! But I’m still reading it!
One of them asked how I was. I said physically worse, mentally better.

Anyway, extended lunch, plenty of catch up!
Had another really good nights sleep last night, don’t mind, but don’t understand why.

Enjoy the weekend!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone,

I understand what you mean about MIL. The decline is painful to see, yet the lack of distress and aggression is a positive thing, but to have it be the result of the decline, and to be grateful she is worse, feels wrong, like a sick joke from the universe or being pleased at someone's misfortune or something. Again, I'm not expressing this quite the way I intend, and am not wishing to upset anyone. This is a tough disease and it's hard to find the silver linings in the cloud.

You have it exactly right, Amy, and I don't think what you have said would upset anyone who has any experience of this disease. Likening it to a sick joke is spot on. Trying to explain it, even to yourself, feels almost like you are saying that you are glad that someone is worse. Because in a way, you are, if it means that it reduces the likelihood of stress and agitation for the person you care for. But at the same time, the decline breaks your heart, because with every step down, more of the person you care for is gone and it's heartbreaking.

A good friend of mine lost her Mum last week . Her Mum had had dementia for about 6 years, has been in a CH for about 2 years. Mil is in about year 10, and, despite her other health problems, seems to fight off infections and is fit enough to go on for quite a while yet. When I heard the news, a tiny bit of me was actually envious of my friend and glad for her Mum. That seems like a dreadful thing to admit to, so wrong to be even a tiny bit 'glad' or 'envious' of someone dying - but I think (hope) that most of us on TP understand the feeling.

What you say about dau also makes sense - just at the moment hanging on in there till she gains a more grown up perspective seems like an almost impossible task! Last night, much to my amazement, she was all sweetness and light, however. Smiles, polite, chatty . . .and then I clicked. Madam wants a lift to and from her friends house tonight, because a few of them are getting together for a 'Mexican food night', cooking themselves a series of Mexican dishes and having a general get together. She didn't want to jeopardize her lift. Once I realised why we were getting the good behaviour, you don't know how tempted I was to fake a strop because dau hadn't invited her Dad and I to come along to this Mexican night too . . .

Welcome home 2jays. I'm so glad that Emma and her brother looked after you so well

Mentioning heights has put me right off Madeira, and the mention of hills has added to that. I don't do heights. the one thing that I am absolutely terrified of. And no way can I climb hills. Which is a shame, because I believe it is a really beautiful place ! Despite you not looking forward to these features, I hope you have a wonderful time xxxx

I also belong to a worldwide site, hun - I joined it because Ireland (where OH's family hail from) isn't included in any of the Britain only sites. I did do a worldwide search for Thirza, around the time period of her birth, and came up blank. It would help if I had her Mothers name, as her Fathers name is so common, and the surname - Burridge- isn't that rare either

Spamar, hope you enjoyed the lunch - and that your friend apologised for the telling off! And very glad you got a good nights sleep - if you can work out how you managed that, you will let me know, won't you?

Right - time to move. Taking my Diva and her friend to the theatregroup this morning, then picking up the Euro's (whispering in case dau hears and I get acused of rubbing her nose in it again). Then its just general rambling along, doing what needs doing to get the house straight and everything sorted for Monday and Tenerife.

Hope everyone is OK, much love to all xxxx

 

[Amethyst59]

If I don’t catch you before you go, have a wonderful time. It would have been funny to have a strop, but I can understand you not wanting to rock the boat now! Leave the GM in England. He doesn’t deserve a holiday.

 

[Spamar]

Whatever, it didn’t work for last night! But that was arthritic pain mostly.
No apologies from friends, weve been friends too long!
We had absolutely lovely weather yesterday, sunshine. Though the temp didn’t go above 6 C. Frost last night. But looking hopeful for today!

 

[Ann Mac]

Thanks Amethyst - GM is being locked away with my work phone, laptop, ect - he definitely isn't coming with us It will be interesting to see what sort of behaviour we get tomorrow - I have sneakily called on her big sis for support - youngest will listen to her, when she won't listen to us, so maybe she can get through to her!

Sorry you had a bad night Spamar - I've been using Green lipped muscle gel, from the local health shop and am finding that its probably the most effective of the pain relif creams available. It's a bit pricey, but it is helping - maybe worth you giving it a try?

Cold but dry yesterday here - was slightly dreading the project yesterday morning, because it was cold, but it turned out to be a fab session - we did an earthworm survey, and even those in the group who initially went 'Ewwwwwww' at the thought of worms ended up fascinated and enjoying it - and we all forgot the cold! Today, it looks like rain, and is even colder - no sign of the sun here, that's for sure.

 

[jugglingmum]

Ann - have a good holiday, hope youngest behaves as you go and also keeps the house in reasonable shape

We are going out for a meal tonight without the children, OH told dau yesterday, think he is telling son today, any negative comment from them will be met with an explosion from me. Last weekend we went on annual Youth Hostel trip with friends, and we didn't make it to the pub. Teh timetable to get away was tight, and we left later than intended, in part because I was waiting for son to get in from school, and gave up to fetch dau. PHoned him when stuck in traffic, he said he'd come straight home, it had just taken longer. Anyway we got stuck within sight of our motorway exit, 5 cars behind where police had closed road to clear an accident, and were stopped for an hour, at which point I asked son to tell me why he had really been late home and it turned out he had detention, a 10 minute one given on the day, and hadn't asked to move it, so this meant I was about 20 minutes behind in everything. On journey up dau had exploded at son for wriggling, so they were both in the dog house for the hour we were sat on tarmac and the rest of the journey (which was difficult due to snow and ice on road, we had just gone over Shap when we got stuck). Last year dau destroyed this weekend due to her behaviour and there had been numerous lectures from me on not wrecking it this year. Dau did behave impeccably for the rest of the weekend, son didn't and has had numerous telling's off this week, he missed fencing on Tuesday as a punishment for Friday, and he had lost his spelling list to learn so didn't do well in Monday spelling test (2nd week running). I've never been one to have a favourite child, but son is least favourite at the moment. (Dau had 13 empty small cartons of orange juice(taken with iron tablet) on her desk yesterday plus plates bowls and glasses, she went to pictures with friends after school - OH said she shouldn't have been allowed given state of room - son is still least favourite by a country mile)

 

[RedLou]

Have a great holiday, Ann.& JM hope you have a wonderful meal out.
Been trying to keep up but not posting much -- daughter now having real set backs with her career, so I feel as if I've been under a bit of a cloud internally to match the skies here. I'm either worried about the pregnancy or worried about her dreams and their finances. It seems one never stops worrying about them, even when they're grown, flown and strops are just a distant, amusing memory.
Love to all.

 

[Spamar]

It’ll work out Red, believe me.
I was shocked to the core when told that one of my stepgrandsons, last seen with a broken hand caused by punching a wall whilst under the influence, is now a fully fledged policeman!
Mark you, I used to be in with a few of the then local policemen and ladies, and I know just what they can be like off duty!
But I’m sure things will work out.

 

[Amy in the US]

Let's brainstorm reasons why the GM cannot go on holiday with Ann and Mister Mac.

Doesn't deserve a holiday.

Didn't renew its passport.

Won't fit under the seat in front of you or in the overhead bin.

Hasn't cleaned its room!

 

[Amethyst59]

Refuses to pay its way.
Ummmm....oh Amy! I’m brain dead!!

 

[Spamar]

Hasn’t washed the VERY TOP that she MUST take!

 

[Slugsta]

Evening all,

GM cannot go abroad cos it hasn't had its rabies jabs

Amy, you always phrase things sensitively, as well as comprehensibly, don't think you have anything to worry about on that score (((hugs)))

Red, I am sorry that you have cause to worry about your daughter (((hugs))).

Spamar, boo! to the arthritis, I do hope the pain has reduced (((hugs)))

Ann, a wise friend has her theory about teenage behaviour. She says that they are of an age when they need to start growing away from parents to live their own lives. Except that they love you very much, so moving away is difficult. Thus they create situations and arguments that allow them to feel hard done by, so that they can take a step away . . . It certainly made sense to me when my son was being obnoxious!

I feel rather hypocritical about grandparents and holidays away as I am not very child-orientated and don't expect to become a doting grandma if I ever have grandchildren!

My mum lived nearly 200 miles from us but would have loved to see us more, she used to have son for a few days most years when he was little. MIL had brought up 7 children of her own and made it clear that she was not going to bring up grandchildren (son was 3rd of 8). However, she did offer to have son for a few days so that we could go away when he was about 9 months old. She also 'approved' of the fact that I worked so could be relied on* to step in and have son if he was unwell or childminder let us down and I had to work. He would have to fit in with whatever she was doing but that was fine by me! Of course, having just the one child make that easier for grandmas too.

Other than the above, I always paid for childcare when I was working, even on the occasions when SIL or a friend had son. Otherwise it was childminder, after school club. Yes, I was lucky that I earned enough to do this, but I was determined that people would have no cause to moan about me taking them for granted (as I had heard people moaning about other working mums).

I have done little today other than potter around deciding what to take away with us. There is now a very large pile of belongings on the spare bed!

*As much as one could ever rely on MIL. She did leave son at school once as she forgot she had to collect him!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

How about the GM can't come because he isn't invited? Actually, dau is waivering between being very good (think maybe big sis has had a word!) and letting the resentment at us going without her spill over every now and again . So we go from sunshine and sweetness to sudden strops, in the blink of an eye at the moment . It's very wearying - but it's also hammering the GM, because the more she strops, the more I think that actually, she needs to learn to be a bit more grown up about this, and maybe us going away will help with that process! She came within an inch of losing her lift to her Mexican night last night, and then when OH did take her, she stropped getting out of the car and he came back steaming! He picked her up, and she evidently apologised sincerely enough to appease him, at that point - but I am dreading what today will bring!

So, JM, I can comiserate with you 100% on the having to deal with teens situation. I really hope you enjoyed your meal out, without having to deal with any misbehaviour beforehand. Not being awful, but when i read of you and others dealing with a similar sort of issue with their kids, it's almost reassuring - gives me hope that it isn't me doing a bad job, its just kids being typically horrible kids when they hit their teens!

Have to add that I did rather push dau yesterday at one point . . . she has applied to a programme that gives young lifeguards the opportunity to work abroad, and is in with a chance (no more than that at the moment) of being selected to go to California for 2 weeks, working as a lifeguard there. If she is selected and gets partial funding, she has to pay for flights, but gets accommodation, insurance, food, ect paid for, and a wage. If she is selected, and gets full funding, flights are paid for too. That will give her experience as an International Lifeguard. She was excitedly telling us all about this yesterday, and I just couldn't resist. I asked her if she gets selected, was she paying for OH and I to go with her? She went bright red and was lost for words. Shoe on the other foot, I think!

Red, I am so sorry that you have such a lot of worry at the moment. Sending you massive {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} and the hope that things start going much more smoothly for your daughter soon, hun xxxxx

Spamar, totally get where you are coming from, trying to reconcile the teen behaviour of young people when they grown up a bit. As I've said, son was a real handful, never quite getting into serious trouble, but certainly givng us more than a bit to worry about on occasion. He has now told us that he will be starting work as an OSG ( officer support guard) in the next few weeks, as he has got the job he applied for at a prison near where he lives!

Hope the arthritus has eased for you, hun x

Slugsta - I think you go, whilst I am away? I hope you have afab holiday, and I'm looking forward to hearing all about it when you get back xxxx

All set here, cases packed - we are just taking cabin cases, and I have a small bag with my camera in it. Note I say 'camera' and not 'camera's'. For once, I am travelling light, with just one body, and two lens, as opposed to the usual 2 bodies and 4 or 5 lens. It feels very strange, to be travelling with such a small kit, but I've been sensible about it (or at least, that's what I keep firmly telling myself). It isn't worth taking my 'baby' camera, the 60D, because the focus on it, both manual and auto, is definitely not up to scratch. It needs refurbishing, by a professional (dau wants to claim it when my new camera arrives, and says she will pay to get it refurbished, which will give it a few more years, hopefully) and if I took it along, I would just end up frustrated at the problems. So, I'm taking my big boy, my 5D, a new 300mm zoom lens and my wonderful 24-135mm lens only. I am fighting against the temptation to slip in my little Nikon and a couple of extra lens, because actually, there really isn't any room for them. Euro's, passports, etc., packed up with the camera bag, there is just room for my phone and kindle. The weather for next week isn't the best - warm (compared to here) but with a fair bit of rain forecast - however, we have hired a car and there are plenty of places to explore, no matter what the weather, so I am quite happy and looking forward to it. We leave here at around 4a.m. tomorrow, we have to be at the airport for 5.40 at the latest, so that gives us plenty of time. And by this time tomorrow, will be just about taking off.

Today, the Lily Savage locks need attention, and I intend to just pootle round, as the house is pretty straight. OH wants to visit Mil and I'll probably go along with him. I set the alarm make sure I got up very early today - not that I needed it, but s*ds law dectates that if I hadn't I would have for once slept in! The idea is that I will hopefully fall asleep very early tonight, so I get at least 4 or 5 hours, before we have to get up and travel.

Take care everyone, and much love to you all xxxx

 

[Slugsta]

Morning all,

Ann, I hope that today goes smoothly, you sleep well tonight and have a good flight. We go on Tuesday and get back on 11th Feb.

My Thursday Man has just returned from Lanzarote. He said the skies were cloudless and the temps up in mid 20s C. The forecast for us ( as for you) is temps in mid tees and mostly rain Never mind, I will have a good break, even if I decide to stay on board in ports due to the rain!

Hope everyone has a good day.

 

[Spamar]

Morning all!
Evidently everybody up early and doing! I was late, didn’t wake up till 07:15!
Don’t think I had teenage strops, maybe not so common then? I couldn’t wait to leave home. Fortunately very easy to get a college place in those days!
Ann and Slugsta, hope all goes well on your holidays! I’m jealous. I went into town yesterday to see what holidays were available, and the agents were shut! However, I did get down and bought the GCHQ book! Decided I don’t understand an awful lot of it, so insanely pleased when I did solve something. However, as I had trouble solving the normal puzzles I try to do most days, it obviously wasn’t a letters and numbers day for me! I also forgot to get cash and petrol, both rather important! That’s today’s job, which I hadn’t expected. Suppose I’d better find a coffee somewhere if I’m out, sigh!
Amy, hope things are going well.
Red, ((((Hugs))))).
JM, good cycling day here! Though yesterday it was a lovely morning, but rained all afternoon. Typical.

Right , better ablute and get dressed to face the world!

 

[jugglingmum]

Ann and Slugsta - have good holidays, hope there isn't as much rain as forecast

Some friends of mine(mainly retired so 60s and 70s agewise) have just got back from a cycling trip to Gran Canaria, no rain, pleasant temps, roads not for faint hearted (lots of climbing - it was a mountain goats trip)

We had a nice meal out, I found an email 2 4 1 on mains for Jan from a restaurant we used to go to, so we went there. Both of us had muscles, OH's were gritty but mine weren't, just bad luck. Very cheap meal even with my 2 large G & T cocktails. Manager said all customers who took up Jan 2 4 1 offer get it for the rest of the year so might go back with kids.

No stropping from kids, son was full of sorry's when I told him we were going, and they both cooked their own tea, son at 12 can cook, and does his own thing, so white sauce (cornflour ) with honey and lots of chilli and king prawns, dau had cubed salmon, prawns, garlic all stir fried with tagliette (one of OH recipes) so they had nice food still - just had to cook it themselves.

I'm still trying to build myself up from flu, and other bugs, so managed to get out on bike on Friday but not as far or fast as I'd have liked.

Dau and OH are both away this week, dau has put her stuff together but needs conditioner in travel size. She has checked and she can hire a towel for about £1.50 so will do that as easier than carrying about in luggage. Dau is going to Geneva as part of physics A level to go to CERN, the Hadron collider. OH is going to Amsterdam for a 2 day conference, so early start Tuesday back late Wed.

 

[RedLou]

Slugsta - I didn't wish you a great holiday! But wishing you now!
Thanks all for the virtual hugs. It does help!