Morning everyone,
Amy - so glad you had a nice Christmas, though sorry that the visit to the CH sounds as though it ws difficult. Left over mincemeat here goes into fruit cakes - gives them a lovely rich flavour, and makes them very moist. I substitute some of the fruit in my Christmas cake for mincemeat and orange marmalade every year and although sweet stuff is not my forte when it comes to cooking, the Christmas cake is always, always delicious. Mind you, I also feed it enough brandy that it turns out to be a 'don't eat and drive' cake too
Slugsta, glad you got through Christmas OK , I was thinking about you. I guess the grief will come when it comes - it's such an individual process for everyone, just remember that everyone is here for you if and when you need us xxxx
Spamar, had to chuckle at the 'squashing a family with the normal oilcloth' too
Glad your meal went well - yesterday I cooked the 3rd big roast meal of the season (so far) as I had all the kids and both of the oldest's partners here (though sadly not OH - his last shift in a run of 7, yesterday). Just 6 of us round the table, and (with all the meat eaters fed up of turkey) I slow roasted lamb with onions and rosemary, once again faffed about with the 3 times cooked roast veg, and made the tiger bread stuffing that my gang love. It was hard work - but worth it, as every bit vanished and it was clearly enjoyed
Son and his GF had to go home last night (OH took them when he finished work) along with Patch my granddog and Bert, my grand tortoise - still got oldest dau and her partner here, but the house does feel very quiet now - it was lovely having the whole gang here, even for a short time.
JM - I'm sure you have had a busy Christmas, but hope its been a nice one too x
The weather here has been horrible! On Wednesday we had a day of mixed rain, sleet, hail and snow. I slept very badly that night and at 3a.m., I was sat downstairs listening to the hail simply pound down - I have no idea how the rest of the family slept through it! By 6a.m, a mix of the hail and snow had frozen solid, turning everywhere glistening white - and the roads into ice rinks! Yesterday afternoon, we had heavy snow for about an hour - but then it turned to sleet and rain, and that has continues off and on since - this morning, another brief heavy snow, but then heavy rain again, and currently, heavy sleet. It is bitterly cold - I am very glad that today, I do not have to go anywhere.
2jays - I've joined the jay club - for the first time ever, on Boxing day, a jay visited (very briefly) my bird table! Youngest spotted it first, oldest mistakenly thought it was a woodpecker (heaven knows why) and yelled for me - and I just got enough of a glimpse to identify it before it flew off - no chance of a photo, just hoping it comes back! Such pretty birds.
I make the same comparison in my head as Amethyst, so many times, when I see Mil. We wouldn't let an animal suffer as she is doing. It's just so cruel. I don't mean physical suffering, in her case, but the mental torture that poor woman has and is going through is obscene. To live at least part and sometimes all of everyday in a state of extreme paranoia and anger - and sometimes fear - is horrific. And though common sense tells me that at this stage it doesn't matter to her, I can't help but think about how the pre-dementia Mil would feel about the indignities that dementia has piled on her - it is totally heartbreaking to walk into the CH and see my once capable and smart Mil, with food spilled down her top, eating often with her fingers, dentures missing and the top of her incontinence pants clearly visable at her waistband. She looks pitiful and I know she would have been horrified to think that she would end up like that
When I was talking to S, on Boxing day, I asked where would Mil go if - God forbid - they couldn't keep her at the CH? If she did become so aggressive that she was putting the other residents at risk? S shook her head and said that there wasn't anywhere. There are no homes who deal with that level of challenging and aggressive behaviour. In my head, I guessed that would mean a return to the secure dementia ward at the hospital - and the thought of Mil ending her days there (and because sh is physically quite well and fit, despite everything, it could be an awful lot of days) is just too horrible to contemplate.
So, although the GM keeps digging at me, the sensible part of me thinks that as Red said, it is more compassionate to hope for a deterioration that would put paid to the prospect of Mil ending up in a secure ward for whats left of her life. I know it would be heartbreaking to see her perhaps bed bound, perhaps with no speech, and perhaps not eating - but I also know, being honest, that it will bring release from this horrible illness closer for her, because at that stage we will definitely say no to any intervention like antibiotics, which is something that wouldn't even be considered now, whilst she is at her current stage, no matter that perhaps most would feel it would be kinder not to interfere.
Dementia is a terminal illness, and poor Mil has now spent nearly 10 years, since diagnosis, in its grip. Even in the early days, she had the paranoia and was constantly miserable and mentally tortured by it. 10 years of suffering, and possibly another 3 - 5 years before that too, where it impacted negatively on her even before she was diagnosed. The poor woman has been through enough. I just wish our society was compassionate enough to face that.
Right - off my soapbox! A quick tidy round, a shower and then a chilled day. Oldest is taking over hte kitchen tonight, to make a Thai curry ( a lovely change from roasts!), and I have several new books that I want to get stuck into - a day of the sofa, chilling beckons
Much love to all, as always xxxx
