Six months later

[Lilyanna]

Can't believe it is 6 months since my husband died as it still feels like yesterday. Initially I was surprised how well I was coping and was always getting compliments on how 'strong' I was. Fiubd it hard to cry and felt guilty about that as it was as if I didn’t care and was out and about, keeping busy, I got some disappointing news two weeks ago and since then everything has changed. Can't stop crying, feel totally alone and unable to carry out normal daily life. I just want to stay in my bed. Friends and family were all around at first and saw me doing so well and naturally they have returned to their busy lives so do not know. I'm also unable to admit how I feel as it's like an inbred reaction when people ask how are you doing to say I'm fine and I appreciate it’s the answer they need to hear and there's nothing they can do to make it better anyway. I feel I've only got here because I'm anonymous to share the truth. I have contacted Breathing Space who suggested I contact the CPN at my surgery but I suspect they will put me on medication as realistically it is the only option. I know
everyone grieves differently and there is no 'normal' but life looks so bleak and everyone thinks I'm doing fine especially now the brighter weather is here and I can get out in the garden I've been told.. I'm not sharing this for help rather to reach out to anyone who has experienced feeling worse after managing to cope initially.

 

[Kevinl]

Pretty much 6 months down the line for me too my wife (the reason I post on here) passed away at the end of October last year after something over 10 years with AZ.
It's been a long time, certainly we were living together during the long hot summer of 1976 that much I do remember, never was good with dates.
I thought I was getting over it and as I read this post my social worker turned up with her ashes. I couldn't bring myself to go and collect them, when the social worker saw the letter from the undertaker she did it for me, thanks.
So now I'm sat here back to square one in the grieving process as I say thanks Sharon. K

 

[Lilyanna]

Can't believe it is 6 months since my husband died as it still feels like yesterday. Initially I was surprised how well I was coping and was always getting compliments on how 'strong' I was. Fiubd it hard to cry and felt guilty about that as it was as if I didn’t care and was out and about, keeping busy, I got some disappointing news two weeks ago and since then everything has changed. Can't stop crying, feel totally alone and unable to carry out normal daily life. I just want to stay in my bed. Friends and family were all around at first and saw me doing so well and naturally they have returned to their busy lives so do not know. I'm also unable to admit how I feel as it's like an inbred reaction when people ask how are you doing to say I'm fine and I appreciate it’s the answer they need to hear and there's nothing they can do to make it better anyway. I feel I've only got here because I'm anonymous to share the truth. I have contacted Breathing Space who suggested I contact the CPN at my surgery but I suspect they will put me on medication as realistically it is the only option. I know
everyone grieves differently and there is no 'normal' but life looks so bleak and everyone thinks I'm doing fine especially now the brighter weather is here and I can get out in the garden I've been told.. I'm not sharing this for help rather to reach out to anyone who has experienced feeling worse after managing to cope initially.

Reading through other posts there are many of you out there. I truly empathise with the heartache you are experiencing.

 

[Kevinl]

It is what it is as they say and I'm not ashamed to say I'm finding it hard. No apologies it's just one seriously lonely place to be sometimes.
A while back I started a thread about it being easier to cope as a man and another about having good neighbours, Mrs next door asked me if I wanted to go to the supermarket earlier today and Mr next door and I went out to quote on a paving job, his business I just hold one end of a tape measure.
Is it easier as a man or maybe someone with a certain degree of self confidence to do it, I think so, hell I've got more front than Blackpool but under the surface...I'm struggling too. K