Should my mother wear shoes or slippers in care home? Does her choice come into it?
- Thread starter silkcut
- Start date
I am so sorry to hear of your situation, it's must be awful to only be allowed supervised contact for those short times to see your Mum. Has the home put the same restrictions on all visitors because if so that's awful.
I have no experience of care homes other than a neighbour is in one and they let me in to say a quick hello any time, they're very welcoming.
Can the home provide you with a timetable or schedule of the activities that they've tried to encourage your mum to do, even if she hasn't joined in.
I'm short of ideas here as it seems you have tried everything, hopefully someone with more experience will be along soon.
As for shoes or slippers, whichever is safer depending on the style I think anyway. If they are both the same it should be her choice IMO.
I have no experience of care homes other than a neighbour is in one and they let me in to say a quick hello any time, they're very welcoming.
Can the home provide you with a timetable or schedule of the activities that they've tried to encourage your mum to do, even if she hasn't joined in.
I'm short of ideas here as it seems you have tried everything, hopefully someone with more experience will be along soon.
As for shoes or slippers, whichever is safer depending on the style I think anyway. If they are both the same it should be her choice IMO.
Have you made a complaint to the CQC about the home? You can express all your concerns and the fact you are allowed supervised contact only (seems ridiculous, you're not a parent who has battered a child you were caring for your mum).
Is there a Head Social Worker you can speak to? An overall manager at all?
Other than a CQC complaint I can't see another way round it other than moving your mum to another home. You don't have to agree to the home SS suggests, we were told with mum that if we don't like it they can't force us to move her there.
It seems you were given a rough ride to start with and it's not got much better.
Take care I really feel for you,
Sharon
Is there a Head Social Worker you can speak to? An overall manager at all?
Other than a CQC complaint I can't see another way round it other than moving your mum to another home. You don't have to agree to the home SS suggests, we were told with mum that if we don't like it they can't force us to move her there.
It seems you were given a rough ride to start with and it's not got much better.
Take care I really feel for you,
Sharon
We cross posted sorry. Having read your last post it seems like the home are reluctant to take on your suggestions. Can I ask if you know whether other residents families have complained at all? I would imagine that the home will not change its policies for the sake of one persons opinion.
Do other family members visit your mum? What's their opinion Of the home and how your mum is being treated?
Do other family members visit your mum? What's their opinion Of the home and how your mum is being treated?
I know little of the problems you are having but this thought just struck me. I know a little about the family courts when children are concerned and when a parent gets supervised contact to their children.
How it works then is if the court see the contact when supervised as positive, they increase the time it is supervised or they go straight to unsupervised, then gradually increase the time if things go well. Have they given any conditions or requirements for you to be able to see more of your Mum?
I don't know your situation so really just sharing my thoughts.
How it works then is if the court see the contact when supervised as positive, they increase the time it is supervised or they go straight to unsupervised, then gradually increase the time if things go well. Have they given any conditions or requirements for you to be able to see more of your Mum?
I don't know your situation so really just sharing my thoughts.
thank you. that is a very good view.I work as diligently as i can to give an hours quality time to my mother.the is supposed to be provision for the local authority to vary this court order and their reprsentatives can see the effort ,the newspapers products mucis dvd video recording and my attendance level and interest to my mothers well being .i think the local authority are conditioned by their own actions.if i follow one aspect of the court order to change my visit through dentist or other reason and i phone ss department they want me to use a solicitor to communicate my changed visit time or day.the court order just says i should phone ss by mid day. I do appreciate your feed back and have been activley been pursuing a course to try to communicate with C O P judges how unecessary and how well we get on.the COP seems to me to be a very very sluggish beast that times a phenominal time to respond.
This must be so frustrating for you.
Do you have anyone who could act as an advocate for you, putting forward your case dispassionately? Sometimes when we are emotionally involved in the way that you must understandably be, we are not best placed to speak for ourselves. You could contact the Alz Society who may be able to put you in touch with someone locally, dependong on where you live,
Certainly the CQC complaint route would seem to be the way to go, judging by what you've described.
I should add, in response to the title, she should wear whatever she wants to.
Do you have anyone who could act as an advocate for you, putting forward your case dispassionately? Sometimes when we are emotionally involved in the way that you must understandably be, we are not best placed to speak for ourselves. You could contact the Alz Society who may be able to put you in touch with someone locally, dependong on where you live,
Certainly the CQC complaint route would seem to be the way to go, judging by what you've described.
I should add, in response to the title, she should wear whatever she wants to.
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It seems that there are some very stringent rules in place for our visiting rights that don't appear are going to change for some time. The home and SS will have their reasons for putting these in place and of course they are none of any of our business's.
I just wonder if you maybe backed off a bit they may be more lenient. I fully understand and appreciate you want the best for your mum but if they think the requests are overboard (there are a lot of them in your post) they will dig their heels in.aynr approach one thing at a time. You know the saying Rome wasn't built in a day??? Maybe relax for a while then have a list. This month I want to achieve this for mum, then go about it calmly. Don't go all guns blazing. It may be that the home not social services think that taking mum outside of the home will be beneficial. It may unsettle her them they deal with the fall out. The other thing that springs to mind is they are worries you won't take her back. You've got so many complaints and things you want to be done (justifiable ones too) they may be concerned that once you get my
Out then that's it, she's gone for good.
Please do not be offended by anything I've written it's not my intention. Looking at it and playing devils advocate it comes across as very full on the complaints and demands. Maybe take you're foot off the pedal a bit, work with the home, build a relationship with the manager and carers again and then maybe the leniency will return
Sharon
I just wonder if you maybe backed off a bit they may be more lenient. I fully understand and appreciate you want the best for your mum but if they think the requests are overboard (there are a lot of them in your post) they will dig their heels in.aynr approach one thing at a time. You know the saying Rome wasn't built in a day??? Maybe relax for a while then have a list. This month I want to achieve this for mum, then go about it calmly. Don't go all guns blazing. It may be that the home not social services think that taking mum outside of the home will be beneficial. It may unsettle her them they deal with the fall out. The other thing that springs to mind is they are worries you won't take her back. You've got so many complaints and things you want to be done (justifiable ones too) they may be concerned that once you get my
Out then that's it, she's gone for good.
Please do not be offended by anything I've written it's not my intention. Looking at it and playing devils advocate it comes across as very full on the complaints and demands. Maybe take you're foot off the pedal a bit, work with the home, build a relationship with the manager and carers again and then maybe the leniency will return
Sharon
Do they feel you are over bearing, is that why your visiting is restricted?
It sounds like something has happened that the care home has had to restrict your visiting for some reason- you don't have to say why, of course, if that is the case.
If you could change just one thing about your mothers day to day living situation, what would your priority be? Which one issue would be the most important?
You say your first objective is to have the right to private time with my mum and visiting as the care home policy states,when it suits the resident.
Why does the time have to be private? if the care home have concerns about contact time, insisting the time is private 1:1 time wont happen for quite a while
You seem to put quite a lot of emphasis on the fact that the care home isn't Christian- Is religion a big part of yours and your mothers former lifestyle?
It sounds like something has happened that the care home has had to restrict your visiting for some reason- you don't have to say why, of course, if that is the case.
If you could change just one thing about your mothers day to day living situation, what would your priority be? Which one issue would be the most important?
You say your first objective is to have the right to private time with my mum and visiting as the care home policy states,when it suits the resident.
Why does the time have to be private? if the care home have concerns about contact time, insisting the time is private 1:1 time wont happen for quite a while
You seem to put quite a lot of emphasis on the fact that the care home isn't Christian- Is religion a big part of yours and your mothers former lifestyle?
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Regarding the Christian element of your concerns I just had a thought. Is there a vicar/priest of a nearby church who could make visits to your mum in the care home. I know that in our church (Church of Scotland) the minister regularly visits elderly residents of care homes and hospitals in the parish, as do the church elders. The minister will also take communion to anyone who is in this situation.
i thought a comment by my mother was interesting yerterday when said said that when i visited her with a dog i was wearing different clothes.she appears to be paying attention?
Are social services saying you cannot take mum home?
There are members on here who have taken their parents from care homes to look after them on their own home? I'm probably being stupid (occupational
Hazard) but I'm sure when it was recommended that my mum went into a home it was ou decision, it was a recommendation by the consultant and not a demand. Also homes were again recommended but ultimately it was dads decision where mum went.
I'm not understanding how SS can force your mum somewhere?
There are members on here who have taken their parents from care homes to look after them on their own home? I'm probably being stupid (occupational
Hazard) but I'm sure when it was recommended that my mum went into a home it was ou decision, it was a recommendation by the consultant and not a demand. Also homes were again recommended but ultimately it was dads decision where mum went.
I'm not understanding how SS can force your mum somewhere?
