Hello TP friends,
We are now 5 months into the care home.
I go, Nick doesn't really seem to know me. Some days I am able to be of some comfort, others there seems to be no indication that I am more than another unknown person moving around him.
He seems well cared for. I go in most days for 2 to 3 hours., really turns out to be 5 days each week.
I am no longer trying to take him outside as he does not get any joy from it. He is overwhelmed by noises , the excitement of everyday life. He seems to be least anxious in the enclosed walls of the dementia ward. So, depressing.
So, I just go to his room (very grateful to go to his room) and sit and read or play solitaire or do some written correspondence. I confess I do not try to talk to him, what is the point, I no longer understand what he mumbles and I have nothing to say. It a sad situation for us both.
He is now only eating baby mushy food and drinking protein shakes. He seems to prefer sweet things not the savories. He is extremely thin now.
His perception is very bad and he walks into walls and plate glass windows even when I am right there with him.(I am no longer allowed to walk with him in the halls, I am hoping that will come back soon as all of us get vaccinated) I often find he has shuffled himself into a corner, where he is just standing when I arrive. I have no idea how long they leave him like this. But it happens when I am there too. And the staff have much to do. I do not think they leave him like that for too long.....I hope. But it is tempting as he cannot hurt himself in a corner.
He has some padding on his hips, as he has had a number of falls. Not really falls once again perception problems. He tries to sit down and misses the chair or couch and goes down on to the fall. Or at least that is what they tell me is happening. I am aware that he can no longer sit down on his own as it happens when I am there. The chair recliner we bought at Christmas lifts up and meets him which is good as he no longer wants to sit down, and becoming very afraid and calls out as you sit him in a chair.
I called a friend whose husband is not demented but living in a home as his feet have been amputated and he has diabetes. He has been in a bad way for a long time and in care for at least three or four years. She and I had a good moan last night. In the end is it is still on us to go and support our husbands as no one else will. One good friend of ours did visit Nick two times but was overwhelmed by Nick's condition. The children do not like to go and are too busy. So, it is still my job. I do not have to do it 24/7 which is a blessing and I am branching out a little bit now. Doing a little more with my life, but still so limited due to the virus.
I pray from him to die so that we can be released from this long long long hopeless situation. But it is not up to me , and his body kept so strong by years of rigorous walking and hiking, is not going to give up easily. His body is definately weaker, but his heart is still strong I believe. So, I cannot guess when he will be released from this world, which has no quality of life. A sad and reduced existence, for such a lovely man.