Selling family home and final visits

[GeorgieW]

I have agreed a sale for the family home of over 50 years. Sad times. However, I have another 2 trips to do to finish clearing the property. Not a problem, except my mother wants to see the place one last time.

It was the house my father and her bought in 1971 she has spent most of her married life there until the intervention November 2023, it was the house my father "built".

While I don't have an issue with it, there wont be any furniture left for her to sit in or sleep in.

The other thing is that she is now very settled in my house (or as she thinks her house! )with her/my dogs and myself providing 24/7 supervision. I feel that to take her on a 4 - 5 hour drive to the family home will upset the fragile status quo that I have managed to achieve. Her brother will come and stay with her while I do the next trip as that requires the horse trailer and the last time I took her and the horse trailer she had such a tantrum that she attacked me. It took weeks for her to settle after the last trip and to stop going for me.

I guess the question is should I take her one last time to see the place before we hand the keys over to its new owners, as she requests or should I stick to my guns and keep her away from the place.

 

[Banjomansmate]

Find a reason not to take her. Why make life harder for yourself.

Has she accepted/understood what is happening to the house? If not can you hide the reason for being away so that she doesn’t know where you are going or what for, or are you bringing furniture back to your home?

 

[Rosettastone57]

Personally I wouldn't take her. As already mentioned, find a reason not to take her there , you don't want to get into a conflict situation

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

This is going to be an upsetting day for you without you having to worry about your Mum. Please put yourself first and leave her at home.

 

[SAP]

I agree with the others, she might not even recognise the house as her home and this will be even more distressing.

 

[Jale]

I wouldn't take her, she may not recognise it as her previous home, the journey alone is likely to be distressing enough. Sadly for PWD it is not want they want that is important but more what they need - your Mum is settled with you now and I would stick with that.

For what it's worth we have recently gone through the process of selling Mum & Dad's house (mum is unaware) and to be honest I have found it harder and harder to deal with as we get closer to handing the keys over. I know when the time comes I will be tearful because it will feel like another chapter of this awful illness has been closed.

Take care and be kind to yourself -leave your Mum where she is happy and settled

 

[GeorgieW]

thanks all - this discussion has been very very helpful