1. jeannette

    jeannette Registered User

    Feb 27, 2006
    I'm sorry to tell you that our mother passed away on Sunday morning. Four weeks and three days after breaking her hip - some of which I posted about. I'm not going to go into it all because it was simply too depressing, but my sister and I are deeply angry - not because of her death, since we knew after a while that it was inevitable, but because her treatment was shoddy and, at times, nothing short of disgraceful. Grief is all intertwined right now with anger, but we'll try and deal with that by getting things clearly down on paper and getting it to those concerned, and to Age Concern. It may have no effect for others, but if we don't try, we certainly won't achieve anything. We've all read in the last few days about food being left on trays - but time after time I found pills dumped, one container behind the other. Worse than that, when our mum begged us to help with her pain, they wouldn't take our word for it because she tended to tell them she was okay. They seemed to have no real understanding about Alzheimer's. A surgical ward - not a single medical doctor ever visiting her. A doctor on call Friday night when my sister and I called for him stood outside the room and told us the dramatic downturn we'd noticed was just a reaction to new medication. He never even glanced at her through the window, let alone entered her room. I think he was in surgical scrubs and didn't want to enter an MRSA room.
    If I had not chased after her doctor the day before her death and pushed him at length to speak honestly to me, we would not have been told she had 2-3 days to live. She had less than one, in fact.

    The "good" news: AD shielded my mother from full realization of what would certainly have confronted her had she survived. And all the love that had been, all too often, submerged by the pain and difficulties and misunderstandings of AD, came back unconditionally. She knew we loved her, and I am more thankful for that than I can tell you.

    I wish you all the best possible journeys with your loved ones.

  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Jeanette, I am so sorry for your loss.

  3. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I'm sorry about your mother.

  4. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I'm sorry for your loss Jeanette and that your mother's treatment made things more difficult than they needed to be.

    Take care of yourself.
  5. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    Jeanette I am so sorry that your Mother had to suffer like that from a hospital induced infection its indeed disgraceful .

    I can but wish you comfort in your grief
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Jeannette,
    I am sorry for you, for your pain, but having reread your postings about mum's final part of her journey, pleased that she is nolonger suffering.
    Several times you have said
    Not often can we be thankful for dementia, but it if it allowed you and your mother to find one another again, then it was good.
    Get the facts down on paper whilst they are fresh in your mind, and then put them to one side whilst you say that final goodbye - give yourself time to grieve - try not to let the anger get in the way.
    Thinking of you.
    Love Helen
  7. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

    I understand some of what you are saying and going through.

    Take time for yourself to grieve.

    Think about the good times.


  8. jakky

    jakky Registered User

    Jan 30, 2006

    My mum has just broke her hip, and another operation is taking place as i speak,
    I can only say, I understand a little of the pain. My thoughts are with you....

    take care and keep strong

  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I am also sorry about reading about how your mother pass away

    Just does not sound right how your mother was treated good for you write that letter stand up and be counted you never know it may help someone else in the future .
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    My deepest sympathy and sincere condolences, Jeanette, on the death of your mother.

    Be grateful that however angry you are about the treatment she received, she wasn`t aware of it.

    Now her suffering is over and you can grieve. I hope it gives you some comfort to believe you did your bast for her when she needed you.

    Grannie G
  11. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex

    I am so very sorry you have lost your Mum, especially under such distressing circumstances.

    Look after each other, thinking of you both.

  12. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Jeannette, so sorry to hear your news.

    Thinking of you, Karen, x
  13. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I'm so sorry and hope you can find some peace a the end of this.
  14. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East

    So sorry to hear your news and that at the end, she didn't receive the care and attention she deserved

    Take care

  15. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Jeanette
    Iam so very very sorry about your Mum and the distress caused by the hospital
  16. McK

    McK Registered User

    Sep 13, 2005
    Pgh. Pa. USA

    Jeanette - Your mom has finally found eternal peace in this unknown journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. McK
  17. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    I'm so sorry that your Mother endured such terrible treatment at the end. I hope you can take Helens advice and try to set it aside while you deal with what the coming weeks will bring. Give yourself time to initiate the grieving process and only try to face it when your strength returns.

  18. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Jeannette
    I am so very sorry to hear your sad news...
    your mother is at peace now and free from pain......I hope your pain will ease soon too...
  19. dianemb

    dianemb Registered User

    Aug 17, 2006
    hi , I am so sorry. I lost my Mum yesterday and this apin is unbearable. stay as strong as you can
    Diane x
  20. jeannette

    jeannette Registered User

    Feb 27, 2006
    Thank you all.

    Just to try and express my thanks to you all for your kind messages.
    Diane, I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss and great pain, and I'll be thinking of you - as I will think of many of you.
    For now, I can't seem to post at any length, mostly because I'm still working my way through this letter/document of complaint. And as many of you know, sadly, there is so much to arrange at this time.
    It's all very unreal right now. I don't think I know how I'm going to feel. I know without question that I'm glad my poor mother is no longer suffering. I don't think I've truly registered yet that she's no longer here. Though of course, the loss has been going on for years with AD.
    Once again, my grateful thanks. Each message means a lot.
    I feel a little like a deserter, but I will go on checking in at TP, and keeping up with your news and wishing you all the very best.

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