Sad news to report.

jeannette

Registered User
Feb 27, 2006
55
I'm sorry to tell you that our mother passed away on Sunday morning. Four weeks and three days after breaking her hip - some of which I posted about. I'm not going to go into it all because it was simply too depressing, but my sister and I are deeply angry - not because of her death, since we knew after a while that it was inevitable, but because her treatment was shoddy and, at times, nothing short of disgraceful. Grief is all intertwined right now with anger, but we'll try and deal with that by getting things clearly down on paper and getting it to those concerned, and to Age Concern. It may have no effect for others, but if we don't try, we certainly won't achieve anything. We've all read in the last few days about food being left on trays - but time after time I found pills dumped, one container behind the other. Worse than that, when our mum begged us to help with her pain, they wouldn't take our word for it because she tended to tell them she was okay. They seemed to have no real understanding about Alzheimer's. A surgical ward - not a single medical doctor ever visiting her. A doctor on call Friday night when my sister and I called for him stood outside the room and told us the dramatic downturn we'd noticed was just a reaction to new medication. He never even glanced at her through the window, let alone entered her room. I think he was in surgical scrubs and didn't want to enter an MRSA room.
If I had not chased after her doctor the day before her death and pushed him at length to speak honestly to me, we would not have been told she had 2-3 days to live. She had less than one, in fact.

The "good" news: AD shielded my mother from full realization of what would certainly have confronted her had she survived. And all the love that had been, all too often, submerged by the pain and difficulties and misunderstandings of AD, came back unconditionally. She knew we loved her, and I am more thankful for that than I can tell you.

I wish you all the best possible journeys with your loved ones.

Jeannette
 

noelphobic

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
3,452
Liverpool
I'm sorry for your loss Jeanette and that your mother's treatment made things more difficult than they needed to be.

Take care of yourself.
 

Helena

Registered User
May 24, 2006
715
Jeanette I am so sorry that your Mother had to suffer like that from a hospital induced infection its indeed disgraceful .

I can but wish you comfort in your grief
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya Jeannette,
I am sorry for you, for your pain, but having reread your postings about mum's final part of her journey, pleased that she is nolonger suffering.
Several times you have said
"all the love is back in me. And for these moments, at least - and I don't kid myself about what is to come - I can be kind to her again, and I think at least today, she was feeling aware again of being loved"
Not often can we be thankful for dementia, but it if it allowed you and your mother to find one another again, then it was good.
Get the facts down on paper whilst they are fresh in your mind, and then put them to one side whilst you say that final goodbye - give yourself time to grieve - try not to let the anger get in the way.
Thinking of you.
Love Helen
 

maria29al

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
426
59
Warwickshire
My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

I understand some of what you are saying and going through.

Take time for yourself to grieve.

Think about the good times.

Hugs

M
x
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
Jeanette

My mum has just broke her hip, and another operation is taking place as i speak,
I can only say, I understand a little of the pain. My thoughts are with you....

take care and keep strong

jakky
x
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
I am also sorry about reading about how your mother pass away

Grief is all intertwined right now with anger, but we'll try and deal with that by getting things clearly down on paper and getting it to those concerned, and to Age Concern. It may have no effect for others, but if we don't try, we certainly won't achieve anything.

Just does not sound right how your mother was treated good for you write that letter stand up and be counted you never know it may help someone else in the future .
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,512
Kent
My deepest sympathy and sincere condolences, Jeanette, on the death of your mother.

Be grateful that however angry you are about the treatment she received, she wasn`t aware of it.

Now her suffering is over and you can grieve. I hope it gives you some comfort to believe you did your bast for her when she needed you.

Grannie G
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
66
West Sussex
Jeannette,

I am so very sorry you have lost your Mum, especially under such distressing circumstances.

Look after each other, thinking of you both.

Kathleen
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
62
North East
Jeanette

So sorry to hear your news and that at the end, she didn't receive the care and attention she deserved

Take care

Libs
 

McK

Registered User
Sep 13, 2005
62
Pgh. Pa. USA
Peace

Jeanette - Your mom has finally found eternal peace in this unknown journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. McK
 

Kriss

Registered User
May 20, 2004
513
Shropshire
I'm so sorry that your Mother endured such terrible treatment at the end. I hope you can take Helens advice and try to set it aside while you deal with what the coming weeks will bring. Give yourself time to initiate the grieving process and only try to face it when your strength returns.

Kriss
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
63
Sheffield
Hi Jeannette
I am so very sorry to hear your sad news...
your mother is at peace now and free from pain......I hope your pain will ease soon too...
Love
Wendy
 

dianemb

Registered User
Aug 17, 2006
20
hi , I am so sorry. I lost my Mum yesterday and this apin is unbearable. stay as strong as you can
Diane x
 

jeannette

Registered User
Feb 27, 2006
55
Thank you all.

Just to try and express my thanks to you all for your kind messages.
Diane, I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss and great pain, and I'll be thinking of you - as I will think of many of you.
For now, I can't seem to post at any length, mostly because I'm still working my way through this letter/document of complaint. And as many of you know, sadly, there is so much to arrange at this time.
It's all very unreal right now. I don't think I know how I'm going to feel. I know without question that I'm glad my poor mother is no longer suffering. I don't think I've truly registered yet that she's no longer here. Though of course, the loss has been going on for years with AD.
Once again, my grateful thanks. Each message means a lot.
I feel a little like a deserter, but I will go on checking in at TP, and keeping up with your news and wishing you all the very best.
Jeannette