Hello all. I recently lost my lovely mum, having cared for her at my home since 2016. She was really no trouble and was always so cheerful and kind, although latterly bed ridden and sleeping a lot. She was a couple of months off 97 and had her dementia (Vascular) diagnosis in 2014. Because I am on my own, and her needs were gradually increasing (particularly around ability to swallow food and anxiety about the loo etc) I felt something was going to give and so opted for her to go into a respite stay at a local care home while I worked out what to do. She had no other real medical issues. The first week she was OK - a bit agitated but positive - but by the second, around Easter, the home rang to stay she had stopped eating and drinking and she then declined quickly and died 3 weeks in - luckily I was with her at the end which was very valuable. But now I keep beating myself up about whether or not I should have a) kept her here at home, b) brought her back here after a week or c) liaised more closely with the home to help her adjust to a new ecosystem (I had read that you need to 'leave them to settle' but it went against my instinct and I did keep popping in. Is age 97 just too old to make that kind of move?). How do I stop my mind skewering me with guilty feelings? I've tried reframing (things could have been worse etc) but the guilt is like a brick in my chest at times. Are there any others who have dealt with similar? Tips?
Recently lost my mum
- Thread starter Second Arrow
- Start date
Hello @Second Arrow and welcome
Please don't feel guilty. Your mum was in decline and her swallow was already failing before she went in for respite. I do not think that the move caused her death and I dont think there was anything you could have done to prevent it.
Was your mum kept comfortable and pain free? If so, then your mum was cared for in the best way and you were able to be with her at the end, which is wonderful
Be kind to yourself
xx
Please don't feel guilty. Your mum was in decline and her swallow was already failing before she went in for respite. I do not think that the move caused her death and I dont think there was anything you could have done to prevent it.
Was your mum kept comfortable and pain free? If so, then your mum was cared for in the best way and you were able to be with her at the end, which is wonderful
Be kind to yourself
xx
I agree, you have done all you could, you are entitled and needed to take care of your self as well, I’m sure she is now at peace and you should be too she had a long life and you with her at the end, be proud of the love you gave her❤️
