Had the worst weekend so far,he found the stash of lager I hide in the shed,well hidden too,he's obsessed with it,I allow him 2 cans a night,he really shouldn't be drinking at all with the meds he's on but what the hell,he's not got much else right now🥲I was upstairs cleaning,came downstairs to find him in the garden surrounded by cans,I lost it,what's the point of looking after him and keeping him safe if he's constantly searching for beer,he's been looking in neighbour's bins now for a few weeks,drinking the dregs from empty cans,he was never a big drinker,lots of other stuff I've coped with this last week,I'm on my knees right now crying myself to sleep every night,I hate my life.I'm waiting for a call from a brilliant nurse to ring me,she works at the psychiatric hospital,she rings every 2 weeks to see how things are,I've written every single thing down to tell her.Added to that,he's not sleeping more than 4 hours a night,I'm a carer doing 18 hour shifts on my own😭
Really not coping now....
- Thread starter sunshine chrissy
- Start date
If you have two weeks to wait or the mental health nurse @sunshine chrissy , is there any way you can contact her for an earlier appointment
@sunshine chrissy I really think that it is getting to the stage where you can no longer look after your husband on your own. Please call your local Adult Social Services and tell them that you are reaching carer breakdown. Tell them that you need urgent respite from caring. You cannot go on like this.
Yes I can ring the hospital and ask for to call me,she's due to call tommorrow anyway.What's worrying me is he goes to daycare one day a week,been going for 8 weeks now,he loves it thank god😊We've not had a bill for it yet,it's £75 for the day,still waiting for a financial assessment,we've got no savings,they got wiped out when he lost his job 3 years ago,we lived on£77 a week jobseeker's allowance and my state pension(he's 62,I'm 70)It's keeping me awake at night about how we pay for care when the time comes.I'm on the verge of tears every single day lately.
I hope that you don't mind me saying this: I think that it's time for your husband to go into respite, perhaps with a view to a permanent placement. One way or another he needs to go. Don't let SS fob you off with a finding that he has capacity to refuse. His behaviour is out of control and he has no insight into what he's doing.
You simply can't be expected to cope with this situation any longer. It's intolerable. I can tell you from experience that no paid live-in carer would put up with this for more than a day. My elderly friend's live-in care package broke down for much less than this.
You simply can't be expected to cope with this situation any longer. It's intolerable. I can tell you from experience that no paid live-in carer would put up with this for more than a day. My elderly friend's live-in care package broke down for much less than this.
If your husband only has a state pension then I think that most care costs would be picked up by the local authority if he moved into a care home. Your own income and assets wouldn't be taken into account and the house would be disregarded if you went on living there.
Is your husband not getting PIP and the Severe Mental Impairment disregard for Council Tax? Are you not getting Carers' Allowance?
Is your husband not getting PIP and the Severe Mental Impairment disregard for Council Tax? Are you not getting Carers' Allowance?
couldnt you get PIP for your husband as he is not pensionable age yet. it doesnt affect your other benefit.
sorry @Violet Jane we had the same thoughts.
Oops! I don't think that you can get Carers Allowance if you (the carer) are of pensionable age. Pension Credit might be a possibility if @sunshine chrissy's husband moved into a care home.
I too think you need a period of respite @sunshine chrissy
@Violet Jane is right, SS may well want to refuse this on the grounds that he has capacity/doesnt want to go, but they have the authority to over-rule this if he cannot be kept safe. I would recommend that you keep a record of the times when he cant be kept safe to show SS - like when he found the beer and drank it all, goes out walking on his own, and you fall asleep when he is still around doing things so you cannot watch over him and keep him safe. Are there other things that he is doing that are not safe like fiddling with gas/electrical things, turning on taps etc? If so, record when this happens too. Is he becoming aggressive/violent? Record this as well. Build up a dossier of evidence to show that you cannot keep him safe at home.
@Violet Jane is right, SS may well want to refuse this on the grounds that he has capacity/doesnt want to go, but they have the authority to over-rule this if he cannot be kept safe. I would recommend that you keep a record of the times when he cant be kept safe to show SS - like when he found the beer and drank it all, goes out walking on his own, and you fall asleep when he is still around doing things so you cannot watch over him and keep him safe. Are there other things that he is doing that are not safe like fiddling with gas/electrical things, turning on taps etc? If so, record when this happens too. Is he becoming aggressive/violent? Record this as well. Build up a dossier of evidence to show that you cannot keep him safe at home.
He's only 62 so no state pension,he's on the full PIP,I'm on state pension,my only income.We're waiting on the council tax disregard,there's up to 20 weeks backlog I was told when I rang them.We rent our house and until I get the social services financial assessment(3 month wait I was told in June when I rang) I can't afford more than one day a week in daycare.Living in limbo now till something changes,I worked for 51 years hoping for a good retirement,paying NI and tax along the way,where is the help I so desperately need right now,I've never claimed any benefits whatsoever all my life and felt lucky that I never needed to,now I've got nothing due to this evil decease that's taken my husband along with every emotion imaginable.What a situation we all find ourselves in,it's soul destroying.
I sat here today realising that I'm now a carer for 18 hours a day for no pay,if I'm lucky I get 6 hours sleep a night😩
I can't get carer's allowance,I'm on state pension,he can't get attendance allowance,he's only 62.They've got us all ways haven't they?Hes worked hard all his life and now has no help when he and I need it!
No paid live-in carer would tolerate that, @sunshine chrissy. It just shows how much family carers are expected to put up with.
Please, please push for help. Do you have any friends or relatives who could support you with this?
Please, please push for help. Do you have any friends or relatives who could support you with this?
What would happen @sunshine chrissy if u went away for a couple of days? Would enough happen to force a crisis where SS had to step in?
im so very sorry you are in this terrible situation 😭😭
im so very sorry you are in this terrible situation 😭😭
I'm so lucky that I have a fab family,they're always here for me but of course they work full time so can only do so much.They constantly phone and msg me and take him out for walks or drives which gives me an hours peace! I have a few good friends too who understand so I try to focus on the positives,not everyone has this support.
Oh believe me I've thought of this!! I couldn't do it though,I looked at him today sat in the garden looking lost and I could have cried,the man I loved is just gone but he's not getting the care he needs from me,I'm broken by it all.
I've been writing notes for 2 years now,we see the consultant every 3 months,she's seen the decline and changes the meds every time,nothing stops the pacing,walking all day long,not sleeping.I've got rid of all gas appliances,all electric now with a digital lock on the oven and hob,He's always been a quiet calm person and he still is thank god.
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