Supporting a partner with his mothers diagnosis

[Tegan2000]

Hi there,
Looking for any advice or guidance. Myself and my partner are 24 and have been together for 8 years. His mother is 55 and has just been diagnosed with dementia. She has declined cognitively over the past year or so and we put it down to menopause or other medical conditions until a neurologist diagnosed her today. Having been with my partner for a while I have seen the decline in his mum and we have all been in denial up until this point where it feels like everything has come crashing down. My partner has a brother (21) and sister (16). My partner is very open with his emotions to me but I struggle to answer when he says things such as “why my mum?” or “this is a death sentence”. Any advice on how to help him through this?? I’ve tried to encourage him to speak to his dad and siblings about his feelings as I know they will all be thinking and going through the same thing. Thankyou for any help.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Tegan2000.

I’m so sorry to read about your partner’s much. That is such a young age to be facing this. I can understand how hard it will be for the whole family. I’ve added a couple of links that your partner might want to have a look at and perhaps share with his dad - or his mum.

After receiving a dementia diagnosis

There’s a lot to think about if you find out you have dementia. Our advice explains what happens immediately after you're told, and how to access support.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

This is one to download -

Caring for a person with dementia: A practical guide

Are you supporting someone living with dementia? Get your copy of the latest version of our guide for carers.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

I’m glad you’ve found this forum. I’m sure others who have faced similar circumstances will share their experience with you and you and your partner will find lots of support here.

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome from me too.
I had to pack our youngest off to live with our daughter when he was aged 16 as he couldn't cope seeing his mum like that (his words not mine), she's 6 years older than him.
He'll be 35 this year so she's been his stand in mum for more than half his life and made a really good job of it.
It must be hard coping at that age with a parent with AZ, he was embarrassed to bring friends home, she I think been at least verbally aggressive to him although she did get a bit physically aggressive with me.
Keep posting, others will have advise too. K

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Tegan2000 and a welcome to this friendly and supportive forum from me also. I'm glad you have found us.

I'm so sorry to read of your partner's mother diagnosis , and at such a young age. That's tough for sure even if you were half expecting it. You have already received some useful link information , but just to say this is such a great place for useful information, sound advice and most importantly, understanding and support. We are all brought here together having been affected by dementia in one way or another, sadly, but everyone here really does want to help.

 

[Tegan2000]

Hello @Tegan2000 and a welcome to this friendly and supportive forum from me also. I'm glad you have found us.

I'm so sorry to read of your partner's mother diagnosis , and at such a young age. That's tough for sure even if you were half expecting it. You have already received some useful link information , but just to say this is such a great place for useful information, sound advice and most importantly, understanding and support. We are all brought here together having been affected by dementia in one way or another, sadly, but everyone here really does want to help.

Thankyou so much for your support. I’m sure all of us affected will find benefit in this forum

 

[FrustratedFrog]

Hi there,
Looking for any advice or guidance. Myself and my partner are 24 and have been together for 8 years. His mother is 55 and has just been diagnosed with dementia. She has declined cognitively over the past year or so and we put it down to menopause or other medical conditions until a neurologist diagnosed her today. Having been with my partner for a while I have seen the decline in his mum and we have all been in denial up until this point where it feels like everything has come crashing down. My partner has a brother (21) and sister (16). My partner is very open with his emotions to me but I struggle to answer when he says things such as “why my mum?” or “this is a death sentence”. Any advice on how to help him through this?? I’ve tried to encourage him to speak to his dad and siblings about his feelings as I know they will all be thinking and going through the same thing. Thankyou for any help.

Hello, I’m sorry to hear that. Such an early age for that diagnosis.
It’s good to hear your partner is open with his emotions.
I would say there isn’t much you can do other than be there when he needs someone to talk to or if you find he’s handing things like the finances etc alone maybe spend days going through it with him.
Try and keep him in the present mentally when he’s saying things like “why my mum” reminding him that it’s awful but he has to focus on what you all can do for her now moving forward and just keep encouraging him to speak with his family like you have been. The fact you’re even on this forum shows how much you care and want to expand his support so don’t be hard on yourself. Best wishes on your journey x

 

[Tegan2000]

Hello, I’m sorry to hear that. Such an early age for that diagnosis.
It’s good to hear your partner is open with his emotions.
I would say there isn’t much you can do other than be there when he needs someone to talk to or if you find he’s handing things like the finances etc alone maybe spend days going through it with him.
Try and keep him in the present mentally when he’s saying things like “why my mum” reminding him that it’s awful but he has to focus on what you all can do for her now moving forward and just keep encouraging him to speak with his family like you have been. The fact you’re even on this forum shows how much you care and want to expand his support so don’t be hard on yourself. Best wishes on your journey x

Thankyou so much for your support and kind words x