I always loved falling asleep on the sofa to the sound of mum & dad chatting. I had that nagging little worry in my head that they would spot me there, and disturb my bliss by moving me to bed. Not unlike what you want your your mum. The voices of the people she loves, chatting in the room as she drifts off towards the deepest kind of sleep, and removal of that worry that she might be shifted any minute.
Doesn't even sound too much to ask, does it? The staff are doing their job, but your protective nature is heightened now, more than ever, and your gut feeling is speaking up too, just screaming to leave her be. And I can't help but agree...some things are possibly necessary, but I'm sure some can wait...or even be left completely.
But, you can only do what's in your power, and I know many things were beyond my control too, but these are not what you remember, I promise, my love. I'm just joining you for a little moan about the problems in life...which are evidently linked to the problems in death.
Sometimes, you just need to let some things go and act with your best judgement. Most of all, remind yourself gently, that you've had no experience of this, so how could you possibly know what to do for the best. A lot of it is trial and error.
I'm sure your new arrangement will help you cope more now. The exhaustion from the past few days will have messed with your mind and your emotions, so take sanctuary in the heart of your family home, an know that they will call if there is any change. Treat your landline and mobile like they're super-glued to you and allow yourself to sleep deeply. You will wake if the phone rings. No need to keep checking...watched pot, and all that!
And if she slips away before you make it, you'll know she was ready. You must try to prepare yourself for that, even if it's not what you'd hope for, because the pressure to be by her side is another pressure you don't need. It would only spoil times you do have together, and they are so very precious.
Let the background noises be what they are. They will sound familiar to your mum, and she may just feel that warmth of drifting off on the sofa...Just like when I was a little girl, xxx