Gigi, i was so angry on your behalf earlier this evening that i did not think i could post anything of any help, cpn was so out of order, thank goodness your GP has seen your intolerable situation and offered you the support, but not sure about his advice though. Just hope there is away forward for you both. love and much understanding Pam
Please..if there is a god out there..
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That's a very accurate description of TP, muse...
Once again I'm indebted to you all for such strong support and advice.
We've both slept well. I've woken up thismorning with a quiet determination not to let this defeat me.
Dementia will defeat Eric, but it's not going to get me as well.
I'm not yet sure how I do this...
But I think I make a start by clawing back some private time for myself in our home and not allowing Eric to intrude on that time.Somehow I have to resurface.
Since returning from the last respite I've been swamped by his dementia and allowed it to control my life.
Love xx
I like that, gigi!
I couldn't agree more
However, don't fall into the same battle ground I have here where I stand up for myself and my time and just end up arguing with David the whole time - for someone with no communication skills he certainly can argue
I hope you have an enjoyable and peaceful day.
Love
Hello Gigi:
Your posts yesterday brought back memories of me 'not coping' because of no support from either SS or Mental Health Team
Your GP sounds wonderful!
Its good to hear you so determined this morning. You do need your own time and space not just from Eric but from other demands - I am sure you will devise a plan
Some years ago, here, Help the Aged were planning a befriending scheme - someone would take someone like Eric to do something he enjoyed (eg swinging a golf club, a ride in the country, out for a pint). Is that a possibility and if so, would Eric comply Such a scheme could give you more time to yourself.
Love
Your posts yesterday brought back memories of me 'not coping' because of no support from either SS or Mental Health Team
Your GP sounds wonderful!
Its good to hear you so determined this morning. You do need your own time and space not just from Eric but from other demands - I am sure you will devise a plan
Some years ago, here, Help the Aged were planning a befriending scheme - someone would take someone like Eric to do something he enjoyed (eg swinging a golf club
, a ride in the country, out for a pint). Is that a possibility and if so, would Eric comply Such a scheme could give you more time to yourself.Love
I have just caught up with this thread Gigi, and Im so sorry you have been going through this. I remember those feelings of hopelessness and mental exhaustion very well. I am completely outraged by the CPNs comments- how DARE she assume you are depressed. I suspect she is avoiding the issue of carer breakdown to avoid a more complicated involvement on her part. Our CPN did exactly the same thing, and the feelings of anger, frustration, mistrust and outrage only add to the stress. Im so pleased your lovely GP has listened to you and is offering support- if a little unrealistic in his suggestion of moving out- thats definately a step forward.
Sadly, even with a "full careplan" set up life is still incredibly stressful caring, especially when your loved one no longer regards you as anything other than a nurse, cook, maid and dogsbody. The hurt involved with that loss of persona for you is absolutely heartbreaking and I wish there is something to make it better. Time maybe, or maybe not.
Im sorry to ask this if you have already been down this route, but would Eric go to daycare? Could you employ a personal assistant for him through Direct Payments? I think you are going to have to be a bit melodramtic here with the SW. You need to give them an ultimatum saying the words "carer breakdown", perhaps talk about walking out, "vulnerable adult" left on his own....lay it on thick, and give them a date such as "In two days I am going to stay with my sister because I cant take this any more and i shouldnt have to. i will leave eric on his own and you can deal with the consequences. i am going to tell my MP and anyone else who will listen in the media just exactly how you are treating me. i have just as many rights as Eric."
Threatening isnt nice, but Im afraid sometimes its all that works. Sending hugs and love to you Gigi. xxxx
Sadly, even with a "full careplan" set up life is still incredibly stressful caring, especially when your loved one no longer regards you as anything other than a nurse, cook, maid and dogsbody. The hurt involved with that loss of persona for you is absolutely heartbreaking and I wish there is something to make it better. Time maybe, or maybe not.
Im sorry to ask this if you have already been down this route, but would Eric go to daycare? Could you employ a personal assistant for him through Direct Payments? I think you are going to have to be a bit melodramtic here with the SW. You need to give them an ultimatum saying the words "carer breakdown", perhaps talk about walking out, "vulnerable adult" left on his own....lay it on thick, and give them a date such as "In two days I am going to stay with my sister because I cant take this any more and i shouldnt have to. i will leave eric on his own and you can deal with the consequences. i am going to tell my MP and anyone else who will listen in the media just exactly how you are treating me. i have just as many rights as Eric."
Threatening isnt nice, but Im afraid sometimes its all that works. Sending hugs and love to you Gigi. xxxx
Hi Jan,
Yes, we have that scheme. Our Tuesday and Thursday sitter is here for that purpose, and used to do those things with him.
Sadly as his mobility has deteriorated it's not so easy to take him out alone..and as he's intermittently incontinent that creates problems too. Eric is no longer motivated to do these things, either. He refused to be taken out last summer.
This is part of the problem. He wants to sit in front of the TV all day..and that's it.
But I do feel a surge of my old optimism back thismorning..
Let's hope it lasts!
Love xx
Yes, we have that scheme. Our Tuesday and Thursday sitter is here for that purpose, and used to do those things with him.
Sadly as his mobility has deteriorated it's not so easy to take him out alone..and as he's intermittently incontinent that creates problems too. Eric is no longer motivated to do these things, either. He refused to be taken out last summer.
This is part of the problem. He wants to sit in front of the TV all day..and that's it.
But I do feel a surge of my old optimism back thismorning..
Let's hope it lasts!
Love xx
Dear Gigi - "So he got the whole story and was incredulous." Just as all of us were, too. I am so glad your GP is being so supportive.
Have you fantasised just a little about moving out and coming back to visit Eric occasionally? I have already on your behalf!
I was particularly pleased to read your latest post, a surge of your old optimism.
What an incredible 24 hours you have just had.
Sending love, Nan XXX
Have you fantasised just a little about moving out and coming back to visit Eric occasionally? I have already on your behalf!
I was particularly pleased to read your latest post, a surge of your old optimism.
What an incredible 24 hours you have just had.
Sending love, Nan XXX
...also very supportive and will help in any way he can...
He actually suggested that I move out and leave Eric..
Love xx
Has that GP got ideas about you Gigi?
He hasn't lost his wife recently has he and looking for a replacement?xx
Morning Gigi,
I see the vibrant, young woman peering through all the 'drudgery' and if you were near I'd run up and give you a big hug and say "good on yer"
I am so pleased for you
I see the vibrant, young woman peering through all the 'drudgery' and if you were near I'd run up and give you a big hug and say "good on yer"
This optimism didn't come by magic wand Gigi, it came because you reached out in your desperation - YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO EMERGE AND BE HEARD. You know where you stand at this current moment in time with regard to Eric's care and although it is really no different, you can make it different by allowing yourself to exist and re-discovering the things you like to do. These things often don't emerge from a magic wand but begin with a 'thought'. It will last if you keep reaching out. We are here and I think that a large part of the tiredness these days is because you are having to put yourself into a trancelike state in order to be able to cope with the monotony. If you reached out into the community or to your friends, you might find yourself laughing and enjoying the wider world again.
I am so pleased for you
Gigi, cannot say it better than Helen, I am just picturing your face in the picture with boobie woman, you are so full of life and laughter in that photo, she needs to emerge again, and i am sure she will, love Pam,You are not depressed just reacting to a terrible situation, why would you not feel down some days, i still feel annoyed with your cpn , but perhaps better to let those feelings go,
Pam, that was so funny...
, thanks for reminding me.I never see myself as a vibrant "young" woman these days, Helen. But thankyou for planting the image in my brain...
And for reminding me to keep reaching out.Waffling on, I went to collect my prescription today..and asked for the change in £2 coins..
This led to a wonderful conversation about Beach Huts and favourite sea-side places with customers and staff alike..it was like a real life TP conversation.. In fact it was "normal" life.There's more...I won't disclose my source of information on TP.
There is provision to ask for a re-assessment of Eric's Mental Capacity, and to appeal against the SW's decision on this. ]
Before I do that I'm going to do an information gathering exercise..and am insisting that the sitters and carers document everything. The sitter today left with a headache..apart from watching interminable TV she was subjected to constant questioning for the best part of 3 hours. And she was glad to leave..(she has promised to come back next week..
)For myself. I've decided to become Eric's carer in my mind.
(OK..I know I'm his wife...
) But I can cope better if I ditch the wife thing and see myself as his carer. Which is realistically how he sees me.And as his carer I'm working to rule..
It's a simple mind shift. Of course I'll continue to "care" for Eric...but in order to do it I've disengaged myself from the emotional entanglement, which was only on my part anyway..and it was getting in the way because I was allowing it to.
Meanwhile I'll explore the options, wait for the appointments for the scans to come through, and live and learn through this.
If I can turn this into a positive experience then I will.
Love xx
Thankyou Alzheimers Society
We are going to have an AS Advocate as they think there is a case against SS..and are willing to take it up.
The advocate will contact me and visit us at home.
I don't know what else to say....except thankyou to all of you on TP..and to AS.
Love xx
We are going to have an AS Advocate as they think there is a case against SS..and are willing to take it up.
The advocate will contact me and visit us at home.
I don't know what else to say....except thankyou to all of you on TP..and to AS.
Love xx
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Gigi, you are certainly positive today! Its good to hear you back to your normal self! I am glad you can and are willing to appeal. Maybe this will be a learning experience for the SW
If it helps you to cope better as a 'carer' then that has to be in Eric's interests (also makes you a wife).
Take care. Have you started the medication yet?
Love
If it helps you to cope better as a 'carer' then that has to be in Eric's interests (also makes you a wife
).Take care. Have you started the medication yet?
Love
Oh gigi, I'm so impressed!
You really have turned things round in your mind, haven't you? I think it's an excellent idea to try to separate the caring from the emotional, I hope it works!
Brilliant news that Eric may be re-assessed -- wow, just read back and seen your latest. How wonderful that you're going to have someone fighting for you.
It all sounds so hopeful today -- and you had a good experience at the chemist, unlike me!
Love,
You really have turned things round in your mind, haven't you? I think it's an excellent idea to try to separate the caring from the emotional, I hope it works!
Brilliant news that Eric may be re-assessed -- wow, just read back and seen your latest. How wonderful that you're going to have someone fighting for you.
It all sounds so hopeful today -- and you had a good experience at the chemist, unlike me!
Love,
Oh Gigi you sound like a different person Have you been using a Mary Poppins umbrella I wanted to post the picture of you laughing your head off but remembered we weren't in the tea room and you might not have approved!! It was lovely to hear of you engaging with 'life' as you collected your prescription I bet you were like a ray of sunshine.
Love xx
Have you been using a Mary Poppins umbrella I wanted to post the picture of you laughing your head off but remembered we weren't in the tea room and you might not have approved!! It was lovely to hear of you engaging with 'life' as you collected your prescription I bet you were like a ray of sunshine. Love xx
Hello Gigi:
Some years ago, here, Help the Aged were planning a befriending scheme - someone would take someone like Eric to do something he enjoyed (eg swinging a golf club
Love
Bill has been referred to this kind of service through Alzheimer's Scotland. We're waiting to see what happens. Izzy x
What`s all this about gigi? I didn`t know the AS could provide an advocate. How wonderful.
You will have all the stress and worry of explanations taken out of your hands. You will have someone with skill , knowledge and experience to speak for you, to challenge the advice to take antidepressants, to challenge the sweepng statement without proper testing that Eric still has mental capacity.
It`s marvelous news. You are at long last being heard.
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