Please..if there is a god out there..

[gigi]

I really can't do this any more.

Our GP has just phoned and is visiting tomorrow evening.He caught me on the hop and I was crying.

Eric doesn't see any problem because he's already said I can watch whatever I want to watch on TV tonight.

It sounds so pathetic, doesn't it.

 

[Izzy]

Oh Gigi. I don't know what to say. Sending hugs. Izzy x

 

[Goingitalone]

Oh, Gigi,
We all have days when we feel like crying and do actually break down.
I see you are a tower of strength for members on here. But you needs hugs yourself just now.
I'm sending a big hug ((((BIG HUG)))) for you. I hope that, after a good night's sleep (if you can get that) you'll feel much better.
In the meantime be assured that we are thinking of you and hoping that the doc's visit will prove useful and supportive.

God bless,

Maggie

 

[Bristolbelle]

Not pathetic at all....

Gigi I am going to slap your wrists because you know you are not being pathetic. You are desperate, frustrated, and tired you are juding yourself too harshly.
Damn this disease it breaks hearts, and tears loved ones from the the very arms that hold them dearest. I hope you GP is understanding and is able to give you some help and support.

 

[jenniferpa]

I'm so sorry Gigi, but really quite pleased (well you know what I mean) that the doctor caught you when you were low - you can say it over and over again, but they don't always "get" it unless they see (or in this case) hear it.

It doesn't sound pathetic at all: it's a pretty clear example that Eric's in such a bad place that he has has no empathy and no idea that what to watch on TV is the least of your (and his) problems.

Straw that breaks the camels back come to mind.

 

[donkey]

gigi sending you positive thoughts, a massive shoulder and a box of tissues i wish i could do more to help you love lyn xxx

 

[muse]

Oh, Gigi - snap! You're always giving so much help and support to others. You need some for yourself now. It doesn't sound pathetic at all. Just desperate, like mine. Huge hug((((Gigi)))). I'm sorry but I don't believe there is a god out there, not that kind anyway. Be your own god and find whatever help you need. I hope you can get Eric to bed soon and have a little time to yourself.
Having said that, I was just going to post an update on my "UTI" thread. Might take me a while, as my husband is feeling happy and chatty.
Lots of love
Kathy

 

[Vonny]

Dear Gigi,

Nothing sounds pathetic when we are talking about this blasted disease.

I wish I had words of comfort, but I haven't so I'm sending you lots of love instead



xxx

 

[Skye]

Gigi, lay it on the line when the doc comes tomorrow. Let him see you are at the end of your tether. You cannot go on like this.

You need emergency respite. Make sure everyone knows how desperate this is. Phone your SW tomorrow, all these cancelled appointments are disgusting.

Get through tonight and tomorrow, and, and make sure you get the help you need.

You are not pathetic, you are being let down by the prople who are supposed to help you.

Love and hugs,

 

[BeckyJan]

Hi Gigi:

You know how I feel for you. Please lay it on the line tomorrow when the CPN visits. I do think you need respite NOW and goodness knows how frequently

Lots of love

 

[connie]

You are not pathetic, you are being let down by the prople who are supposed to help you.

Hazel has said it all.

Hope that you get some positive action tomorrow.

Love to you both.

 

[Bronwen]

I am so sorry Gigi..I do hope the tears flow tomorrow for your GP..believe me I can't remember when I last saw our GP, Trevor's nurse or whoever visists WITHOUT CRYING.and please try to be firm in asking for help

Big hug
Bronwen x

 

[Bookworm]

Don't know what to say to cheer you a little this evening Gigi - but know you are thought about from over the water, xx

Found a little friend to bring a smile......

 

[gigi]

Is this a stage we all go through?

As carers, I mean.

It feels to me as though I've come to the end of the road..I've run out of ideas and out of energy to keep things going.

All that is required of me is to roll cigarettes, provide a meal, and ensure that whatever is on the TV is acceptable.

Of course we all know there's a whole lot more to it than that. But if I say I'm tired, it's questioned.
If I'm not a visible presence, it's questioned.
If the phone rings, it's questioned.
If the doorbell rings, it's questioned.
If I hang wet washing on a radiator, it's questioned.
If I sneeze, it's questioned.
If I go to the loo I'm asked where I've been.

To cap it all, it doesn't matter what answer I give. It is rarely the truth. Nothing I say seems to meet with understanding.

xx

 

[benny]

morning gigi

no words just lots of thoughts and hugs, this really is a heart wrenching disease. best of luck tomorrow x x Robyn

 

[connie]

Nothing I say seems to meet with understanding.

That is because Eric cannot comprehend your world. He is trapped within his illness.

Knowing does not always make it make it easier to care. We are all individual, and our breaking points will be different.

Be as kind and understanding of yourself as you have been to Eric these past years.

 

[BeverleyY]

Hi Gigi

Sorry you are feeling so down.

Really feel so sorry for you.

Tonight, I had one of those 'moments' - Dad was driving me nuts over his urgent requirement to get in the shower. God knows why he needed a shower right at that precise moment. Perhaps he has some secret night time existence I know nothing of where he goes out dancing!! I should just be grateful he is clean!!

I'm sending you are really big hug.

Beverley x

 

[Mo_N]

Is this a stage we all go through?/QUOTE]

Yes Gigi, I'm afraid we all get to the point where we feel we can't go on any more.
You know that more than most because you have supported so many TP'ers that reached this point before you. Now it's your turn to lean on the rest of us.

Do be totally honest with the GP tomorrow ,this is no time to be brave, your needs must be uppermost in your mind.

Hope knowing we are all here for you helps a little tonight.

Mo
xx

 

[jenniferpa]

I don't know whether everyone reaches this stage (and really, it makes not a blind bit of difference if they do or don't) but I do think much of this is due to the fact that it appears to you that from Eric's POV you could be Tom, Dick or Harry: it's doesn't seem important to him that you are you. Perhaps I'm reading more into what you have said than there is, but to always feel that you are neither appreciated nor important is about as soul destroying as I can imagine.

I remember a while back you saying that Eric had referred to you as nurse-wife and at the time you felt less than valued. I suspect this is a further progression of the same thing, with no "wife" part at all.

Again - I'm speculating, only you know if this is true of not.

 

[maryw]

Amazing comment, Jennifer, which also applies to sons/daughters - that loss of who they once were and it's bound to have a knock-on effect.

Gigi, your circumstances sound so difficult, I so admire you for being there, sending hugs xx