Oh thank you so very very much. I only work two long days (7 - 2) and see Keith afterwards. That's when it has to be an afternoon. Otherwise I can go earlier. Barbara, it seems to me the only way, to enter into the life of the home, be one of the team caring. It's an effective way to combat the sadness of the situation. And thank you so very much for what you said, means the world to me. with love, Geraldinexxxx
Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise
- Thread starter kindred
- Start date
I have never used a forum in my life before. Never needed one, never trusted them. Then my husband was diagnosed with something so alien to me... I didn’t understand it, I didn’t want to believe it, and I felt so alone. The man who, as my son recently said, adored me, and we had always been devoted to each other at the expense of isolating ourselves.
So although I knew he had dementia, it was only officially diagnosed last month.
I realised that I had lost the person who had adored me... I felt so alone, I floundered, searched the internet and found Talking Point.
And I realised that I wasn’t alone, so many people were experiencing exactly the same as I was, and I got comfort from people like you.
Thank you Geraldine.
We won’t ever be out of the woods as we have to face another anaesthetic in the next few weeks, and we now believe that anaesthetics are the biggest culprit in increasing the speed of his dementia.
I know I’m repeating myself, or waffling!
But I just wanted you to know how important you, your posts, and the other lovely people on this forum are to me.
Love B xx
So although I knew he had dementia, it was only officially diagnosed last month.
I realised that I had lost the person who had adored me... I felt so alone, I floundered, searched the internet and found Talking Point.
And I realised that I wasn’t alone, so many people were experiencing exactly the same as I was, and I got comfort from people like you.
Thank you Geraldine.
We won’t ever be out of the woods as we have to face another anaesthetic in the next few weeks, and we now believe that anaesthetics are the biggest culprit in increasing the speed of his dementia.
I know I’m repeating myself, or waffling!
But I just wanted you to know how important you, your posts, and the other lovely people on this forum are to me.
Love B xx
Sweetheart, it means the world to read your post first thing this morning. Yes, I understand about the anaesthetic and I have heard this before. I am so sorry. What you say about the man who adored you is so beautiful and poignant and Keith and I lived, live mainly for each other, too. And I get enormous comfort from reading what you wrote on here for me. Dementia was not as alien to me as when I was a teenager I was a nurse cadet and my first ward was an elderly psychiatric ward. Dementia was thought of as delayed shell shock as this was not that long after the war. Looking back I can see most of them had dementia so I am familiar with the kind of condition, but not, of course, that it was going to affect our lives as it affects yours.
Thank you with all heart for being here. with love, Geraldinexxxx
WOW what a morning! First of all, it was calmer with less shouting. That was a lovely change. Not quite so hot perhaps. Keith lovely and talkative, telling me about power weight ratios and how they need a tomato to be effective. Then the two activity nurses set up their dark activity. This is one of the best activities offered at K home. You may all know more about this than I do. They use a lazer light projector one of the nurses got in a sale for ten quid. It projects ever changing stars and beautiful things onto the ceiling. Astonishingly beautiful and calming and a real intensity of focus for the residents. And then they put on ballet music which suits the pace. AND THEN because Keith had fallen asleep, I went into the room and danced with my arms with one of the residents who immediately started to teach me the five ballet positions. I can remember them from childhood and can even position my feet correctly. So we kept going through the positions and one of the nurses told me she was a ballet teacher! AND THEN the lovely ballet lady resident told me I had the grace and elegance of a ballet dancer and I could have cried - what a wonderful thing to say to a pensioner with a bad hip!
Also, this morning for THE FIRST TIME IN FOUR years I had a proper bath. I have been used to a kneel down splash and out type bath because Keith would always come in search of me after three seconds. But today I actually stretched out in the bath. Bit alarming to see how thin I have become, (think I knew that from having to hold my skirts up with safety pins) though, but nice to have a real warm bath. Perhaps I should start a thread called Kindred gets a bit of a life ... Thanks guys! Geraldine aka kindred.
Also, this morning for THE FIRST TIME IN FOUR years I had a proper bath. I have been used to a kneel down splash and out type bath because Keith would always come in search of me after three seconds. But today I actually stretched out in the bath. Bit alarming to see how thin I have become, (think I knew that from having to hold my skirts up with safety pins) though, but nice to have a real warm bath. Perhaps I should start a thread called Kindred gets a bit of a life ... Thanks guys! Geraldine aka kindred.
So pleased Keith engaged and chatty - that's so nice for you both. What an utterly brilliant NH!!! Not heard of the lazer set up before but how fab is that?! Staff really do give 100% and then some don't they? G, you must look after yourself and eat. Bit rich coming from me but maybe we should both start eating more. I always knew you were Margot Fontaigne (not sure that's the correct spelling) in disguise. Bet that comment made your day. All in all, a good visit then. I'm really pleased. Love J xxx. ps. lovely to stretch out & relax in bath too x
Wonderful post G @kindred 
Keith’s NH sounds truly wonderful. I’m sure you’re right, it’s good to join in the life of the community so far as possible - and I can’t imagine anyone going so more than you do
Re the bath - oh, how I enjoyed that part ! I haven’t been able to lie in a bath for approx 10 years, due to arthritis, so it’s always a shower for me. A bath would be soooo relaxing.....
Thank you for sharing.
Love
Lindy xx
Keith’s NH sounds truly wonderful. I’m sure you’re right, it’s good to join in the life of the community so far as possible - and I can’t imagine anyone going so more than you do
Re the bath - oh, how I enjoyed that part ! I haven’t been able to lie in a bath for approx 10 years, due to arthritis, so it’s always a shower for me. A bath would be soooo relaxing.....
Thank you for sharing.
Love
Lindy xx
Thank you so much Jan. OK, we start to eat more. Let's go for it. I have never been interested in food per se, am a good cook and all that, but have no real personal interest. I put this down to growing up immediately after the war when there wasn't much variety and cheese was cheese, jam was what was in the grocer at the time. (Oh how relaxing that all was, no choice!!). The lazer set up is actually used for Christmas activities, and for children's bedrooms. It is so beautiful. I used to put glow stars on my son's bedroom ceiling, do you remember them? So so good to hear from you. All love, sweetheart and thankyou. Geraldine aka kindred. xxx
Thank YOU. I'm in my element really because back in the day when I was a nurse cadet in my teens, people with dementia were my first patients (although we didn't know what it was) so I feel very at ease surrounded by them, if you see what I mean. Oh I am sorry about your arthritis. I have it in my legs quite badly, where is yours if don't mind me asking? With love and best, GeraldinexxWonderful post G @kindred
Keith’s NH sounds truly wonderful. I’m sure you’re right, it’s good to join in the life of the community so far as possible - and I can’t imagine anyone going so more than you do
Re the bath - oh, how I enjoyed that part ! I haven’t been able to lie in a bath for approx 10 years, due to arthritis, so it’s always a shower for me. A bath would be soooo relaxing.....
Thank you for sharing.
Love
Lindy xx
Oh, Geraldine, what a day for you. Visions of Swan Lake are in my mind, mind you I also have a bit of Coppelia prancing in their clogs!
So glad you had a stretch in your bath. Hope you added some Radox for good measure and the bubbles and warmth helped your hip? It sounds as if it must have done you good if you were doing ballet for the residents!
I used to be involved with deaf blind children and their families, and many of these children and young people would have a number of sensory issues. The lights and gentle music would be fascinating and soothing for them. It’s lovely that the residents in Keith’s home can also enjoy and benefit from such things. Your comments took me back to my wonderful career.... I was lucky enough to have a very rewarding job.
Always lovely to read your posts, thank you so much....
Love B xx
So glad you had a stretch in your bath. Hope you added some Radox for good measure and the bubbles and warmth helped your hip? It sounds as if it must have done you good if you were doing ballet for the residents!
I used to be involved with deaf blind children and their families, and many of these children and young people would have a number of sensory issues. The lights and gentle music would be fascinating and soothing for them. It’s lovely that the residents in Keith’s home can also enjoy and benefit from such things. Your comments took me back to my wonderful career.... I was lucky enough to have a very rewarding job.
Always lovely to read your posts, thank you so much....
Love B xx
Hi there! Don't think we've "spoken" before so Hello! Lovely to read you had a wonderful career. I used to be a Caseworker for pupils with Special Educational Needs and, although often challenging, it too could be wonderfully rewarding! Nice to "meet" you. Jan
Thank you @Jezzer , lovely to talk to you, Jan.
I had a bit of a varied career, but for the last 20 years I primarily worked with deaf babies, children, young people and their families. Often the children would have other complex needs. I was in my element working with families with newly diagnosed babies and children.
The work you and I did could be challenging, upsetting but oh so very rewarding and how lucky we were to be able to go home knowing we had made a difference. I was fortunate that I worked for a national children’s charity, for you, being subject to so many financial restraints must have made your job difficult.
I consider myself very fortunate to have had employment that I loved.
For the first time in my life, with my husbands dementia I’m at a loss. I’ve always been organised, efficient and capable.... where has this woman gone? I feel at a total loss, in a state of flux.... I have no idea what will happen tonight, tomorrow, next week....
I’m in a situation I can’t control and my fear is that it will never get any easier. All that is steady in my life is that I love my husband and will do all I can to care for him.
Take care Jan, and thank you xx
I had a bit of a varied career, but for the last 20 years I primarily worked with deaf babies, children, young people and their families. Often the children would have other complex needs. I was in my element working with families with newly diagnosed babies and children.
The work you and I did could be challenging, upsetting but oh so very rewarding and how lucky we were to be able to go home knowing we had made a difference. I was fortunate that I worked for a national children’s charity, for you, being subject to so many financial restraints must have made your job difficult.
I consider myself very fortunate to have had employment that I loved.
For the first time in my life, with my husbands dementia I’m at a loss. I’ve always been organised, efficient and capable.... where has this woman gone? I feel at a total loss, in a state of flux.... I have no idea what will happen tonight, tomorrow, next week....
I’m in a situation I can’t control and my fear is that it will never get any easier. All that is steady in my life is that I love my husband and will do all I can to care for him.
Take care Jan, and thank you xx
Thank you for your lovely reply. Oh, the financial restraints drove me crazy and sadly, many parents knew that their perfectly reasonable and fair requests were denied because of money. I felt totally disillusioned when I left and I gather it's far worse now. I am so very sorry about your husband. This awful illness completely blindsides us and just turns our lives upside down. With me it's my mum and it's shaken me to the core and changed me completely. I understand totally what you say about love. It's all we have left. Take care of yourself and Thank You once again xx
Hi Geraldine @kindred
Funnily enough I too feel fairly at ease with people with dementia (although obviously everyone is different, and I'm not going to 'click' equally well with everyone). After I worked as a probation officer for 20 years, I moved over to adult social care (!!) where I was a social worker with older and disabled adults, and people with various mental health problems, including dementia. I had the privilege of working before red tape and local authority budget constraints fully took hold - also, working in a rural area, I got to know health professionals very well, and worked alongside GPs, mental health consultants, CPNs, nurses, OTs etc. We'd think nothing of meeting up on a Saturday morning to sort out a particularly knotty problem......ah, those were the days, I loved it
Anyway...onto my arthritis
It might be easier to say which joints don't have it ! It's osteoarthritis rather than the rheumatoid type, and it's worst in my knees, hips, ankles and feet. I also have osteoporosis and have lost about 4" in height due to thinning of the bones. What an old crock I am Think about you often, you're an inspiration
Love
Lindy xx
Hi @kindred - have been reading your posts, such a varied bag .... everything from Rawhide to ballet to the joys of a bath! I have not really had a lot to contribute ( I was only allowed to singalong to the Rawhide theme and then it was time to get ready for bed - perhaps because for some strange reason, Westerns gave me terrible nightmares as a child!!!) so I haven't put my twopennyworth in on your thread for a few days. However, I thought I would just pop in and say 'Hello' so you know I have not disappeared or have forgotten you.
Just for the record, I HATE and ABHOR baths. There - I've said it!! They make me feel really queasy, I don't like the idea of laying in my own dirt and they don't make me in the slightest bit relaxed. Didn't help that I damaged my knee quite badly in my 20's and as the years advanced along with the arthritis, it became quite a feat to get in and out. My knee replacement a few years ago was wondrous - but I remain true to the joys of a shower. However, my hot tub is a different matter entirely. Come sun, clouds or even snow, I am out there in it!
Bought a clever toy to have fun with Mum today. A bit like brightly coloured marble sized velcro balls they attach easily to each other, and you can make all sorts of animals and shapes from them. Mum made a blobby thing that she said was an engine(?) and a yellow Christmas tree(?) that somehow transmogrified into a duck. She was not at all impressed at my purple and black spider! However, she was most excited when I had an enlightened moment and asked her if she would mind packing it away for me. She thoroughly enjoyed collecting up all the balls of each colour and carefully put them in the bag. Reminded me of when you buy a toddler a toy and they have more fun with the packaging! Anyway, I think another time I will take a big bag of buttons in and let her have fun sorting those.
Saw Mamma Mia 2 last night with my daughter - so good! Went to a cinema where they have sofas instead of conventional seats and you can order food and drinks and they bring it to you. Brilliant! I am still singing 'Super Trouper'
Take care and find some 'naughty but nice' food to tempt yourself with!
XX
Just for the record, I HATE and ABHOR baths. There - I've said it!! They make me feel really queasy, I don't like the idea of laying in my own dirt and they don't make me in the slightest bit relaxed. Didn't help that I damaged my knee quite badly in my 20's and as the years advanced along with the arthritis, it became quite a feat to get in and out. My knee replacement a few years ago was wondrous - but I remain true to the joys of a shower. However, my hot tub is a different matter entirely. Come sun, clouds or even snow, I am out there in it!
Bought a clever toy to have fun with Mum today. A bit like brightly coloured marble sized velcro balls they attach easily to each other, and you can make all sorts of animals and shapes from them. Mum made a blobby thing that she said was an engine(?) and a yellow Christmas tree(?) that somehow transmogrified into a duck. She was not at all impressed at my purple and black spider! However, she was most excited when I had an enlightened moment and asked her if she would mind packing it away for me. She thoroughly enjoyed collecting up all the balls of each colour and carefully put them in the bag. Reminded me of when you buy a toddler a toy and they have more fun with the packaging! Anyway, I think another time I will take a big bag of buttons in and let her have fun sorting those.
Saw Mamma Mia 2 last night with my daughter - so good! Went to a cinema where they have sofas instead of conventional seats and you can order food and drinks and they bring it to you. Brilliant! I am still singing 'Super Trouper'
Take care and find some 'naughty but nice' food to tempt yourself with!
XX
Hello @Toony Oony
Have seen you about but don't think we've 'spoken'....
The Velcro balls sound great. Do ou mind if I ask where you got them?
And buttons!! Of course!! I have a box of them that I was saving for children's craft activities, but I'll take them in to mum and see if she'd like to help me sort them
Thanks for the ideas and glad to 'meet' you.
Lindy xx
Have seen you about but don't think we've 'spoken'....
The Velcro balls sound great. Do ou mind if I ask where you got them?
And buttons!! Of course!! I have a box of them that I was saving for children's craft activities, but I'll take them in to mum and see if she'd like to help me sort them
Thanks for the ideas and glad to 'meet' you.
Lindy xx
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Oh wow, Barbara, that sounds a brilliant career. Thank you so much. So good to hear about the lights and music for the deaf blind children and their families. How did you get into that work?
so good to hear from you, thank you. with love, Geraldinexxx
Oh wow, what a great working life! And a probation officer for 20 years!! You are certainly not an old crock my darling. What a fantastic post this is. So so good to hear from you. Thank you so much Lindy. with love, GeraldinexxxxHi Geraldine @kindred
Funnily enough I too feel fairly at ease with people with dementia (although obviously everyone is different, and I'm not going to 'click' equally well with everyone). After I worked as a probation officer for 20 years, I moved over to adult social care (!!) where I was a social worker with older and disabled adults, and people with various mental health problems, including dementia. I had the privilege of working before red tape and local authority budget constraints fully took hold - also, working in a rural area, I got to know health professionals very well, and worked alongside GPs, mental health consultants, CPNs, nurses, OTs etc. We'd think nothing of meeting up on a Saturday morning to sort out a particularly knotty problem......ah, those were the days, I loved it
Anyway...onto my arthritis
Think about you often, you're an inspiration
Love
Lindy xx
Good grief, this is marvellous. Yes, I do know that for many folk baths are a cruel and unusual punishment!! BUT A HOT TUB, oh wow of all wows. Fantastic. And I so love the sound of these velcro balls. What a clever thing and amazing when you used them with your mum.
SORTING BUTTONS!! YES. Button pies, one big one and little ones on top! Believe it or not, when I trained as a psychotherapist we used buttons a lot to represent various things. I just wanted to play with them. Buttons are wonderful.
Great that you saw Mamma Mia 2.
You are so lovely! Thank you. with love, Geraldine aka kindred.xxxx
Greetings! Today the lady who said I am the most boring person in the world said I am very very kind, she sees what I do and thinks I should interview for the job of Princess Margaret. Suits me! Keith not as lively as yesterday but bounced around when I sang Rawhide. Rawhide I have to say is the most popular of my offering, although Those were the days went down quite well today.
One of the residents called me over and whispered in my ear that she could swear in French and could I? I said no, but I can in German. She now wants me to teach her. Ethical dilemma!!
On a sadder note, I left with one of the other visitors who asked me how I can stand it, coming so often, joining in when Keith doesn't really know me. What do you say, guys? I said, yes but I really know him ... But yes, I know the visitor was really only expressing his own distress at his mum not recognising him any more. Somehow we have to stay above the sadness, don't we. Somehow. with love, Geraldine, aka kindred and thank you. xxxxx
One of the residents called me over and whispered in my ear that she could swear in French and could I? I said no, but I can in German. She now wants me to teach her. Ethical dilemma!!
On a sadder note, I left with one of the other visitors who asked me how I can stand it, coming so often, joining in when Keith doesn't really know me. What do you say, guys? I said, yes but I really know him ... But yes, I know the visitor was really only expressing his own distress at his mum not recognising him any more. Somehow we have to stay above the sadness, don't we. Somehow. with love, Geraldine, aka kindred and thank you. xxxxx
