Mum was diagnosed in April last year with Alzeheimers though we think symptoms were there from 2020.
She is a proud and independent woman who is used to being in control and managing things. Now she has dementia this is translating into stubborn and angry behaviour, towards me and brother especially.
However, a couple who she is particularly close to as they look after her dogs, see her soft and gentle side.
Luckily, all four of us communicate and update on mum.
This week has been particularly stressful. Saturday mum called me and the couple to say she was dying. She'd tried to walk the dogs and had to come home. The dog walker couple got to her house first and said they'd found her distressed and unable to speak but conscious and sitting in her chair.
I called 111 who subsequently sent an ambulance. Off we went to hospital.
When I got into the triage room mum was sitting in a wheelchair literally holding court. Chatting away as though the previous hour hadn't happened.
The following several hours were then full of vitriol towards me, glaring at me, laughing spitefully, being rude to the nurses and doctors, demanding she was seen and threatening to walk out as there was nothing wrong with her.
Trying to get her to have a CT scan found her arguing with the nurse.
She was discharged after 5 hrs, taken home and put to bed.
The following morning I rang and she was full of beans asking why I was ringing and asking how she was. She'd not remembered anything.
She had a TIA they think but scan showed no bleed but symptoms we described, possibly indicated otherwise.
Role on to yesterday evening. Mum called saying she felt "ruddy awful" and was going to call the doctor. I said they're closed and she said she'd call the hospital I said call 111 and they will tell you what to do. I called her back a few minutes later and phone wasn't engaged so knew she wasn't on the phone. Call her back twenty mins later and said if feeling unwell to call 111. She said thank you and put the phone down.
Another 20 mins, dog walker couple called saying mum thinks she's dying and we're going to collect the dogs. They got to the house and said mum was weak and couldn't talk, mouth lolling. They called an ambulance.
My brother got there before me and thought mum was taking her last breaths. When I arrived she was asleep, head lolled to one side. I held her hand and she couldn't speak.
Paramedics arrived. Did all tests all was normal including grip,reflexes and touching nose and finger tip. I did the ultimate test and said I was going to put her handbag away safe as she couldn't take it hospital. She was then able to speak coherently as she told me she was taking it with her.
They took her out to the ambulance and called ahead to acute medical unit. When the paramedic came to tell me where they were taking her I asked if she was ok and by any chance chatting away in the ambulance - he looked at me and said yes - and appears very normal.
When we got to the ward - again mum was chatting away as though nothing had happened.
So here's my question if you're still with me - is my mum play acting, liking the drama and attention, feeling like she has some control? That these sensations make her feel alive again? she definitely behaves differently with different people.
My brother and I feel she is "crying wolf" - we know she is scared as in certain moments she admits to it - but she refuses any sort of home help (just for an hour) or support we offer but then will "demand" it. when we say we will do it, if it's not immediate she'll go to the dog walker couple who then say your mum's called upset.
She'll outlive me and my brother at this rate!
But the constant "drama" and the calls to say she's dying and then going to hospital has been draining... and we don't know what to do - is it play acting or her in the round about way asking for help?
If you've read this far ... thank you
She is a proud and independent woman who is used to being in control and managing things. Now she has dementia this is translating into stubborn and angry behaviour, towards me and brother especially.
However, a couple who she is particularly close to as they look after her dogs, see her soft and gentle side.
Luckily, all four of us communicate and update on mum.
This week has been particularly stressful. Saturday mum called me and the couple to say she was dying. She'd tried to walk the dogs and had to come home. The dog walker couple got to her house first and said they'd found her distressed and unable to speak but conscious and sitting in her chair.
I called 111 who subsequently sent an ambulance. Off we went to hospital.
When I got into the triage room mum was sitting in a wheelchair literally holding court. Chatting away as though the previous hour hadn't happened.
The following several hours were then full of vitriol towards me, glaring at me, laughing spitefully, being rude to the nurses and doctors, demanding she was seen and threatening to walk out as there was nothing wrong with her.
Trying to get her to have a CT scan found her arguing with the nurse.
She was discharged after 5 hrs, taken home and put to bed.
The following morning I rang and she was full of beans asking why I was ringing and asking how she was. She'd not remembered anything.
She had a TIA they think but scan showed no bleed but symptoms we described, possibly indicated otherwise.
Role on to yesterday evening. Mum called saying she felt "ruddy awful" and was going to call the doctor. I said they're closed and she said she'd call the hospital I said call 111 and they will tell you what to do. I called her back a few minutes later and phone wasn't engaged so knew she wasn't on the phone. Call her back twenty mins later and said if feeling unwell to call 111. She said thank you and put the phone down.
Another 20 mins, dog walker couple called saying mum thinks she's dying and we're going to collect the dogs. They got to the house and said mum was weak and couldn't talk, mouth lolling. They called an ambulance.
My brother got there before me and thought mum was taking her last breaths. When I arrived she was asleep, head lolled to one side. I held her hand and she couldn't speak.
Paramedics arrived. Did all tests all was normal including grip,reflexes and touching nose and finger tip. I did the ultimate test and said I was going to put her handbag away safe as she couldn't take it hospital. She was then able to speak coherently as she told me she was taking it with her.
They took her out to the ambulance and called ahead to acute medical unit. When the paramedic came to tell me where they were taking her I asked if she was ok and by any chance chatting away in the ambulance - he looked at me and said yes - and appears very normal.
When we got to the ward - again mum was chatting away as though nothing had happened.
So here's my question if you're still with me - is my mum play acting, liking the drama and attention, feeling like she has some control? That these sensations make her feel alive again? she definitely behaves differently with different people.
My brother and I feel she is "crying wolf" - we know she is scared as in certain moments she admits to it - but she refuses any sort of home help (just for an hour) or support we offer but then will "demand" it. when we say we will do it, if it's not immediate she'll go to the dog walker couple who then say your mum's called upset.
She'll outlive me and my brother at this rate!
But the constant "drama" and the calls to say she's dying and then going to hospital has been draining... and we don't know what to do - is it play acting or her in the round about way asking for help?
If you've read this far ... thank you
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