Oh brother

[Lavender45]

Oh Tin the last thing you need is another obsession. I really wish there was something insightful I could say make it better, the most I seem to be able to offer is a ((hug)). You definitely have more patience than me!

It's really good that you have found a potential sitter, fingers crossed that you meeting with her goes well and that your mum takes to her. We don't have carers as yet as mum is completely resistant, but I know if I could only get someone my mum half liked through the door I'd win the battle.

Hope tonight is peaceful for took.

Lavender x

 

[Tin]

Oh Tin the last thing you need is another obsession. I really wish there was something insightful I could say make it better, the most I seem to be able to offer is a ((hug)). You definitely have more patience than me!

It's really good that you have found a potential sitter, fingers crossed that you meeting with her goes well and that your mum takes to her. We don't have carers as yet as mum is completely resistant, but I know if I could only get someone my mum half liked through the door I'd win the battle.

Hope tonight is peaceful for took.

Lavender x

Thanks Lavender, it has been a really long day and of course not over yet, the chattering has moved up a gear and every time she goes out into the garden I know she is looking for the tin of paint. She cannot stop pacing up and down the garden path. Am hoping this last bit of activity will use up any residue energy she may have and then later will go to bed and stay there through the night. At the moment I am looking round my house and thinking what a mess, no energy to clear just yet, but as soon as mum goes to bed will do my best to make the place look presentable. Just 5 more minutes to sit here and then I will give in to her demands for something to eat.

 

[Ann Mac]

Fingers crossed for the 'sitter' Tin - you could really do with the break, that's for sure!

Also hope that all the activity helped both you and your Mum get a good nights sleep last night. I know all about summoning up the energy to tackle the everyday, mundane, have to be done jobs, when you feel totally sapped just by dealing with the obsessions and all the other dementia related issues. Trouble is, even if you said "s*d it - they can wait*, its flipping hard to relax when you are sat in the middle of chaos, 'cos you haven't the energy to sort it out.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Katrine]

A suggestion Tin. Get a paint kettle or similar, put some water in it, and give it to your mum with a clean paintbrush. Show her how it brightens up pots and woodwork. Might this be a suitable supervised garden activity?

 

[Tin]

Mum just keeps on messing and moving things around the place, I just cannot keep up with her, keeps emptying the airing board and placing all damp clothes over and on the dining table. Don't need a tracker for mum, but could do with something on all my belongings, things are just disappearing so fast and I'm beginning to doubt where I put stuff. She is always looking for something! Wanting to go home as usual and she has given the dog so many ultimatums and bribes to go with her. preparing meals today has been a nightmare and so much has gone in the bin, she just will not eat anything I produce and tries to give it all to the dog. There may be constipation going on here, which usually makes her a bit erratic so Lactulose tonight. Am also having to simply ignore a lot of her questions, I don't know what she is asking and if my answer of yes or no is not what she wants, well then we are just in a pickle.

Fellow carers, it is so tiring and I do not know where all this energy comes from, she flicks from one thing to another and back again. I have found another way to 'zone out' rediscovered solitaire on my laptop.

 

[Lavender45]

Oh Tin I've said it before and I'll say it again I don't know how you do it!

We have a jack russell and mum has become a bit obsessed with him, nowhere near the degree you are experiencing though.

Poor dog looks like he gets a bit fed up. He's sticking to me more and more. It doesn't go down well ☺

 

[Tin]

Well Lavender, if you have a little dog, you could be getting very close to my experience, fortunately most of the time the dog can completely ignore mum, but it is sad to see when mum is calling dogs name and dog just sits there-no response at all, which is good, because as I've said in the past, mum can go completely over the top and the dog has snapped at her. She stopped all her activity about half hour ago and immediately fell asleep on sofa and you know what could happen next, she will not sleep through the night.

In the beginning I was not able to keep my cool and every little thing just drove me up the wall, if honest some things still do, my pet hate at moment is mum leaving front door open and all the bloody flies coming in. We have one of those door protector things but she keeps gathering this up and looping through door handle. I keep my fingers crossed that these flies will go out through open door after they have raided my kitchen.

 

[Lavender45]

You are definately further down this rotten (I mean another word but it's not acceptable here) than we are, but I can see bits of my mum I'm what you write.

I'm not saying I'm a bad carer or that I don't care, but mum can push my buttons in ways no one else can. Mum's short and long term memories are shot, yet she knows exactly how to blow my fuse. What lives we lead!

Hope you are wrong and that the early nap will not mean a sleepless night for both of you.

Forgot to say mum loves any sort of fly screen as she hates the things with a passion. If one gets in she starts hunting for her hair spray which she still calls hair laquer as she's convinced it will make their wings stiff so they will die!

 

[Tin]

If gp offers me a free flu shot this year, I shall say YES PLEASE!!! For the last week I have not been well - all flu symptoms that have just knocked me off my feet.

Apart from some evening wandering, mum has been ok but having this flu and caring for her has tested my patience, my neighbours have been amazing and all helped out when they could. So today I am feeling ok and must now get back to the chores that have mounted up, first thing is to sort out lawn mower before Monday. Then on to the house, everything is just a mess and although friends have offered to do things for me, I have opted for them using their time by taking mum out for a few hours, no reason why she should be locked up inside as well.

Twice this year I have been ill and really unable to look after mum, so think that's enough of a warning, Need to look after myself a little more.

On a good note, found someone to sit with mum and she has offered me loads of time and days, so will sit down this week, diary in hand and work out some sort of plan-one problem solved!

 

[LadyA]

If gp offers me a free flu shot this year, I shall say YES PLEASE!!! For the last week I have not been well - all flu symptoms that have just knocked me off my feet.

Apart from some evening wandering, mum has been ok but having this flu and caring for her has tested my patience, my neighbours have been amazing and all helped out when they could. So today I am feeling ok and must now get back to the chores that have mounted up, first thing is to sort out lawn mower before Monday. Then on to the house, everything is just a mess and although friends have offered to do things for me, I have opted for them using their time by taking mum out for a few hours, no reason why she should be locked up inside as well.

Twice this year I have been ill and really unable to look after mum, so think that's enough of a warning, Need to look after myself a little more.

On a good note, found someone to sit with mum and she has offered me loads of time and days, so will sit down this week, diary in hand and work out some sort of plan-one problem solved!

Definitely, do it!
Oddly, I was never ill while I was caring for William - even after he went to the nursing home, I still didn't get so much as a cold. However, when he died last August, I started getting one bug after another - it was just ridiculous! I wasn't even getting over one bout of illness, before the next struck! The GP said it was that my subconscious knew that now there was no real reason not to be ill!

 

[Tin]

Fairly soon it will be my 'Tin takes a day off' time, well a couple of hours anyway, but not till 2nd August, still something to look forward to. I really need it, nothing unusual has happened just the same old stuff and most of the time I can put up and shut up, but last week or so finding that really hard. My house is such a mess, all but two rugs have now gone, too many accidents and I just cannot get rid of the smell. Every time I look around the house I find things out of place - kitchen stuff in bathroom, bathroom stuff in sitting room and OMG pockets full of loo paper and other such rubbish, they do say its the little things!!

I have been looking after a small dog for a few days and am convinced it has been messing around in the cat litter - which is not easy to get to, but this little dog seems to have found it, so smell not great!!!! It is also elderly and does have a few health problems, goes home today, so one less problem to deal with.

Got another chicken about a week ago to keep my one little Bantam company, now this much bigger chicken has ruined a few of my flower beds, how can one chicken do so much damage!!! Don't want to put them in enclosure, but if this carries on, will have to.

Mum's obsession with her dog is ongoing and some days it can be really bad and today looks like it will be one of those days. Last night I caught her putting a plate of cheese and biscuits on the floor, really cannot leave her alone at meal times for a second and her reasons for doing this, well she didn't the dog jumped up to table and pinched it or the cats asked her to do it, by the way, the pets also ask her for cigarettes.

Sitting here, but think I will have to bath visiting dog soon, it really does smell.

Hope all have a calm day and find some joy.

 

[Lavender45]

Oh Tin I know it's absolutely useless, but I soooo feel for you. Hope a ((((hug)))) helps.

I agree it's the little things which frustrate and upset the most, I guess the old saying is true that it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. I think you are a saint coping with it all day in day out. Hope you have something lovely planned for the 2nd it'll soon be here!

 

[Tin]

Want to know what my mother says to her dog when I am out of the room?????? Well here goes.

Don't follow her, don't look at her, she does not love you as much
as I do.

You are my baby not hers.

Don't worry I will find a way to get you out of here.

I'm your mummy not her.

And then I go back into the room and my mum is all over me asking where I've been and she misses me!!!!!!!!


WOW

 

[Lavender45]

Mums and their dogs! Your wow just about sums it up.

Did you manage to get some time away on the 2nd as planned?

 

[Tin]

I did, I got 3 hours and had lunch with a friend and I am a very lucky girl because I got 2 and a half hours today, again went to lunch with a friend. 5 hours in one week!! Actually first 5 hours this year!!

 

[Lavender45]

We both know that's not nearly enough time just for yourself, but I understand just how hard it is to achieve. I hope you enjoyed every second and that there's some more free time on the not too distant horizon.

 

[Tin]

Oh I know, but that's life. I enjoyed every single second, especially today because I got a chance to catch up with a lot of my friends without mum in tow and had some relatively normal conversations, that is until all other guests got a little tongue tied with all the cocktails and the warm sun, then I figured it was time to come home.

Booked sitter for 3 hours next week and my plan is to let myself into neighbours house and just put my feet up.

 

[Quilty]

There are various possible explanations, but I will stick with mine:
my baby brother had bad luck in his first days, there was an epidemic at the hospital,
and we - mum first - had to take special care for him while he was baby...
etc etc... The problem was solved, but the special care remained...

Mothers must care most for the most problematic child.
I know she loved me, but it always seemed she cared more for her son...
who brought home various problems (well nothing too serious)...
Now he is grown up, and fine, but...


I never brought home any problems: everything in school etc etc was solved without any worry,
without any effort from my parents' side... they could just watch me growing...
But my brother required much of their involvement, and he became dearer, I dare say...

Thanks for making this point. Suddenly my mothers constant questions about my sister, who never bothered with her, make sense and makes me feel better.

 

[Batsue]

Want to know what my mother says to her dog when I am out of the room?????? Well here goes.

Don't follow her, don't look at her, she does not love you as much
as I do.

You are my baby not hers.

Don't worry I will find a way to get you out of here.

I'm your mummy not her.

And then I go back into the room and my mum is all over me asking where I've been and she misses me!!!!!!!!


WOW

Sounds just like my mum with MY dog, she always wants to know where he is and keeps saying who is my lovely boy and I am afraid I can't help saying that actually he is my lovely boy. Luckily for the dogs sanity we have nearly an acre for him to hide in.

 

[Tin]

See my mum would be wandering all over that acre looking for her baby, while all the time it would be sitting behind me on the sofa! My poor mum, I think this is why she likes to spend so much time in the car, even when parked in the driveway, because this is one of the few occasions that the dog sits on her lap dog.