I’m a female in my mid forties and desperate for someone to come and take me away.
My 20 year relationship broke down 5 years ago. He was abusive and I finally had enough (thanks to peri menopause making me speak up)
Left my beautiful home with nothing and had to start over.
My father was well into his Alzheimers journey and my old dear was showing signs of dementia too.
Mum rang me constantly and I gradually started doing more and more for them.
Then COVID hit. I was working full time from home and that’s when it all went to ****.
Mum was adamant she could look after Dad but failing miserably.
Kitchen fires, falls, medication not being administered properly to Dad and a plethora of other things.
I applied 7 times to Occupational Health and she would convince them all was well. Literally wouldn’t entertain any form of outside help.
I was then attacked in my home by someone I’d hired to do some gardening and I’d also managed to bag myself a stalker too! You couldn’t make it up!
Before I knew it, I was pretty much doing everything to ensure my parents were ok.
Hours making calls, filling forms , arranging appointments, medications, sourcing equipment…..blah, blah, blah.
I became a chronic insomniac and wasn’t able to cope with my workload.
Went off sick after years of being the hardest worker they had and it kept getting worse.
Every day Mum presented another catastrophe for me to sort.
I’m waffling….sorry.
Dad was on his last legs and I was somehow managing to keep them safe and make life easier for Mum (all behind the scenes).
Dealt with the police regarding the stalker and the attacker, but totally exhausted.
My breakdown was imminent.
Dad passed last year and I thought things would get better.
How wrong I was.
Mum turned into a zombie and I had to arrange the funeral, design the orders of service, write the celebrants speech etc….oh, and pay for it whilst having to keep her from falling apart.
I was back at work by this time but it wasn’t long before I went off sick again.
My own health spiralled and alongside the insomnia, I’ve been fighting constant infections and had operations as a result.
I’m not eating, rarely sleeping, and I think it’s almost become a sort of self harm for me.
Finally got Mum diagnosed with Alzheimers after battling for years with the GP, who constantly kept telling me she was fine. The woman is a master at presenting well to others which has and continues to be a huge difficulty.
Now I’m on a phased return at work and clinging on to my job for dear life.
Once the popular girl who was diligent and portrayed myself as being on top of things, never asking for help but always helping others. Now all my colleagues have witnessed by manic behaviour, panick attacks and erratic displays.
I’m humiliated and alone.
I’ve lost every single one of my friends and it’s floored me. No one showed any compassion or bothered to send me so much as a text.
I volunteered on a radio show and was a social butterfly.
Now I’m alone, slovenly, hate leaving the house, look terrible and on my knees.
Mum is a complete nightmare and there’s no chance for me to get myself back on the starting block.
I’ve called helplines, breaking down. I’ve paid for counselling, which was useless, been back and forth to my own doctor begging for help and given antidepressants that made me worse.
Now I’m not able to keep food down and having tests for gastrointestinal cancer.
Sounds awful but I genuinely don’t care if I have a serious illness. There’s nothing left of the person I was and any fight I had left in me has gone.
My childhood was terrible and my parents were cold, uncaring and unkind.
I’ve done everything in my power to care for them both and my own life has been wrecked.
My older brother has a beautiful home, kids, partner and doing well. He’s not done a single thing to help.
Calls my mother maybe three times a year and only visited her after Dad passed, to grab some antiques and most of her life savings, which she was only too happy to give him.
Blimey….I’m writing a novel.
I’ve just called a mental health helpline once again and came away feeling foolish.
Four days without sleep and dreading the thought of going to work in a few hours, as has been the case every week for so long now.
I don’t want to sound so depressing. Just being honest.
I’m on my own with a mortgage to pay. No children, partner or other person to share the load and I’m trying to find a reason to keep going.
My house is a mess and I want it all to end, but my mother needs me, so that’s not even an option.
All my life I’ve worked hard and done everything for other people and it’s been a waste of time.
I’m stuck on a train that I can’t get off.
Thank you for enduring my feature length rant (if any of you have managed to keep reading until the end).
I feel lighter for offloading, and quite embarrassed if I’m honest.
No responses are necessary. It’s been good to moan to others that have an understanding.
Thank you.
My 20 year relationship broke down 5 years ago. He was abusive and I finally had enough (thanks to peri menopause making me speak up)
Left my beautiful home with nothing and had to start over.
My father was well into his Alzheimers journey and my old dear was showing signs of dementia too.
Mum rang me constantly and I gradually started doing more and more for them.
Then COVID hit. I was working full time from home and that’s when it all went to ****.
Mum was adamant she could look after Dad but failing miserably.
Kitchen fires, falls, medication not being administered properly to Dad and a plethora of other things.
I applied 7 times to Occupational Health and she would convince them all was well. Literally wouldn’t entertain any form of outside help.
I was then attacked in my home by someone I’d hired to do some gardening and I’d also managed to bag myself a stalker too! You couldn’t make it up!
Before I knew it, I was pretty much doing everything to ensure my parents were ok.
Hours making calls, filling forms , arranging appointments, medications, sourcing equipment…..blah, blah, blah.
I became a chronic insomniac and wasn’t able to cope with my workload.
Went off sick after years of being the hardest worker they had and it kept getting worse.
Every day Mum presented another catastrophe for me to sort.
I’m waffling….sorry.
Dad was on his last legs and I was somehow managing to keep them safe and make life easier for Mum (all behind the scenes).
Dealt with the police regarding the stalker and the attacker, but totally exhausted.
My breakdown was imminent.
Dad passed last year and I thought things would get better.
How wrong I was.
Mum turned into a zombie and I had to arrange the funeral, design the orders of service, write the celebrants speech etc….oh, and pay for it whilst having to keep her from falling apart.
I was back at work by this time but it wasn’t long before I went off sick again.
My own health spiralled and alongside the insomnia, I’ve been fighting constant infections and had operations as a result.
I’m not eating, rarely sleeping, and I think it’s almost become a sort of self harm for me.
Finally got Mum diagnosed with Alzheimers after battling for years with the GP, who constantly kept telling me she was fine. The woman is a master at presenting well to others which has and continues to be a huge difficulty.
Now I’m on a phased return at work and clinging on to my job for dear life.
Once the popular girl who was diligent and portrayed myself as being on top of things, never asking for help but always helping others. Now all my colleagues have witnessed by manic behaviour, panick attacks and erratic displays.
I’m humiliated and alone.
I’ve lost every single one of my friends and it’s floored me. No one showed any compassion or bothered to send me so much as a text.
I volunteered on a radio show and was a social butterfly.
Now I’m alone, slovenly, hate leaving the house, look terrible and on my knees.
Mum is a complete nightmare and there’s no chance for me to get myself back on the starting block.
I’ve called helplines, breaking down. I’ve paid for counselling, which was useless, been back and forth to my own doctor begging for help and given antidepressants that made me worse.
Now I’m not able to keep food down and having tests for gastrointestinal cancer.
Sounds awful but I genuinely don’t care if I have a serious illness. There’s nothing left of the person I was and any fight I had left in me has gone.
My childhood was terrible and my parents were cold, uncaring and unkind.
I’ve done everything in my power to care for them both and my own life has been wrecked.
My older brother has a beautiful home, kids, partner and doing well. He’s not done a single thing to help.
Calls my mother maybe three times a year and only visited her after Dad passed, to grab some antiques and most of her life savings, which she was only too happy to give him.
Blimey….I’m writing a novel.
I’ve just called a mental health helpline once again and came away feeling foolish.
Four days without sleep and dreading the thought of going to work in a few hours, as has been the case every week for so long now.
I don’t want to sound so depressing. Just being honest.
I’m on my own with a mortgage to pay. No children, partner or other person to share the load and I’m trying to find a reason to keep going.
My house is a mess and I want it all to end, but my mother needs me, so that’s not even an option.
All my life I’ve worked hard and done everything for other people and it’s been a waste of time.
I’m stuck on a train that I can’t get off.
Thank you for enduring my feature length rant (if any of you have managed to keep reading until the end).
I feel lighter for offloading, and quite embarrassed if I’m honest.
No responses are necessary. It’s been good to moan to others that have an understanding.
Thank you.
