Not so much a blog - more notes and thoughts

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
Hi Nan, nice to see you again, I think that there is always a stirring of memories and emotions as Autumn bites, and here we are, November tomorrow. I have to say that it will be a bit quieter around here this year since we no longer have the dog, She used to bark like mad everytime the doorbell went, leapt up ( well sort of:)) when I answered, demanded attention from all the kids and retired again till the next time. The sweetie bucket is filled and waiting ( apart from the ones I pinch in passing) and at least they little ones start early and stop calling once I turn the porch light off. Enjoy your night out, take care and speak soon, Love Maureen.x.
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,440
East Coast of Australia
no trick or treating here

Nan, I only know a little of how you feel. I feel so different now Ray is in full-time care. I seem to have lost my joy. I hate "the first anything". I shut myself into my bedroom this afternoon and woke up just on dark so missed most of the trick or treaters. I can see how easy it is to just give up on life sometimes but I try to think positive and sometimes I succeed!

I must try and get back into life as a solo. Difficult enough for me and I see Ray most days! I'm glad you family is supportive. Hope the dinner party was a success.

(((hugs))) from Sue.
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,506
Near Southampton
Dear Nan
I've just noticed your post whilst scrolling down and it was so nice to see it. I am glad you posted here to remind us all of Brian's birthday - a lovely thought. I'm glad too that you are going out to your brother-in-law's for a meal tonight. It will mean that you can have your own celebration for Brian. You have thoughtful sons too, haven't you, they so obviously love and care for you so very much.You are fortunate indeed, as I am with my daughters.

I also received the Register of elector's form with only my name on it as, of course, Dave 's home is no longer here. Quite a jolt - it's like he doesn't count any more.

Up until the end of last week I saw very little sign of Autumn when driving in the forest with nearly all the trees keeping their still green leaves. However, yesterday I noticed quite a change with mant different colours. It's the only part of Autumn I like.

There was a programme on during the week aboute beach huts and I thought of you. They showed some at Mudeford - apparantly one can sleep in them there overnight, one of only 2 places where you can, so the chapsaid . One looked very luxurious indeed - which sort of ruined the 'beach-hut' feel for me.

I hope your day is not too sad, Nan. It's bound to bring back memories but that can be a good thing today as it is Brian's day, isn't it. Thinking of you and sending love and compassion. X
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,506
Near Southampton
I've just seen your post Sunray, which you did whilst I was writing mine and I can't tell you how relieved I was when I noticed you posted from Australia. I worried for my own mind for a moment or thought I'd fallen down a time-slip and lost a day. It took quite a few puzzled moments before i boticed your country and realization dawned!

Sorry, Nan, but I really was totally confused! I hope you don't mind this add-on.
love X
 

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
Dorset
My love and thanks to all of you who have posted in reply to-day.

I am just going to have another go at getting Brian's picture here ...

Do I have to "Submit Reply" before I know if it's there? Fingers crossed.

Love, Nan XXX
 

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Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
Dorset
Dear Loo,

Thank you so much for your post. As you can see, I took your advice and had another go, and this time it worked. I am not quite sure how. Pressed several keys twice and went through some screens more than once, which means that next time it will be just as hit and miss. But I managed it!

Brian was about sixty when this was taken, but it has always been one of my favourites. We were at the wedding of our nephew, the one who read Brian's eulogy out for me.

Love, Nan XXX
 

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
Dorset
Dear Pied,

Thank you so much for your post, too. I am afraid I have not kept up to date with all the threads, but see that you have moved your dear mum and that you have just started back to work. I am relieved to see that it is for two mornings per week only at the moment. You are perhaps a little tired of hearing it, but do take it very gently at first. Do not hurry to increase your hours until you are feeling really up to it.

You have had so much to cope with through this last year and have managed wonderfully. I think very few of us would have coped half as well as you have managed to. I am full of admiration for you.

Love, Nan XXX
 

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
Dorset
Dear Maureen, Sue and Saffie,

Thank you, too, for your posts. Maureen, you are so well prepared, with sweetie-bucket at hand. Do try and leave a few for the children, though, won't you ...

Saffie, I missed the programme about beach huts - wish I'd seen it. Those huts down at Mudeford exchange hands for almost the same price as a proper house, I understand. Ours is rented from the Council and they maintain the outside and I should be doing the same on the inside. But the doors onto the balcony need re-painting and I am not a painting sort of person - but am learning: I painted the back door at home this very week because it could not have withstood another winter as it was. So I will have a go at those at the beach hut maybe in the spring. Love to you and Dave. (PS: I read Sue's post twice as well ...)

Dear Sue, I so understand how you are feeling. I missed Brian's presence here at home so much that I went in to see him every day, sometimes twice. (Mornings on the way home from the beach hut, always evenings to help give him his evening meal.) It just felt as though everything was on hold while Brian was in care and I expect that is how you are feeling too. If it is not too far to go, do go and visit as often as you feel you need to. I am glad I have somewhere to go this evening, and I am sure it will go well.

Love to you all,
Nan XXX
 
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Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,118
Scotland
Dear Nan

Good on you having another go and success! :);)

What a lovely photo of Brian, he doesn't look sixty. An uncle of mine had auburn hair and the colour never changed, he died when 70. No wonder it is a favourite of yours. As with the first (and only) one I saw of Brian, I was instantly struck by his smile. He looks so good natured.

Henry also had a lovely smile, and on a good day it can still appear. It warms my heart, he is 'my' Henry again. When he is looking grim, sulky, vague, lost, unhappy, etc., I'll say "give me a smile!" . Some times he does, sometimes not. Although they have been more in evidence the recent months in the care home than the dementia years in our own home.

I have always felt very drawn to Brian, he became so real through your wonderful descriptive posts, and your love of him. Thank you for sharing this special photo with us.

I hope today is not too bad..... that you are remembering your happy times together, although I know you have your very sad days of latter memories. Brian sounded and looked a lovely man. Now I'm become tearful again...

Thanks again, Nan, and do please come here to us from time to time, when you feel like it? Miss you.

Much love
Loo xxx
 

Bastan

Registered User
Feb 10, 2011
483
Manchester
Dear Nan,

Birthday's are a toughie, especially milestone ones, as are all 'firsts'.

So glad to see you have been invited out tonight (and more importantly that you accepted.) I hope it has been a pleasant evening for you with a little laughter and sparse tears. Good food and good wine too!!!

The photograph of Brian is lovely. And all that hair at 60, still red as well, my Nats has been a balding grey since his early 50's.

I'm dressed up in my finest witches attire and my grandaughter (the3yr old) too, my daughter is a very glamorous devil. My heart isn't in it though but I'm putting on a brave face for the sake of all.

Love to you Nan, xxx
 

thatwoman

Registered User
Mar 25, 2009
1,050
Merseyside
Dear Nan,

I have missed you! I will raise a glass (sadly only orange juice!) to Brian today! It must be a bittersweet day for you. I'm glad you have somewhere to be tonight, so you can share your memories.

I've been wondering how you are. Take care, Nan. You are an inspiration to so many of us.

Love and hugs,

Sue xxx
 

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
Dorset
Dear Loo, Bastan and Sue(Thatwoman),

Thank you for your posts. It IS a lovely photo of Brian, isn't it. It has exactly caught him being his jovial self. And his hair, too, remained auburn all his life. And the smile becomes all-important, doesn't it, Loo. Even the care assistants at Brian's home used to ask him for a smile and look so pleased when he gave them one.

Dear Bastan, I was so touched by your "putting on a brave face" this evening. I hope you are now in your jim-jams and dressing-gown (as I am) and just about to go to bed - if not there already. Do sleep well, if you are able.

Sue, I have had a really nice evening with Brian's brother and his wife. We talked about Brian, his sister (who has Alzheimer's) and various other members of the family. I manage now not to shed tears in the presence of other people, only here at home sometimes. Thank you for your raised glass and for your good wishes.

Love to you all,
Nan XXX
 

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
Dorset
Something rather lovely happened this morning

I thought I would resurrect this thread to let you know what happened this morning.

I had an appointment with our GP - a blocked ear and a pulled muscle, so nothing serious - and was a little surprised when he greeted me with the words "I've been meaning to get in touch with you these last few days." He then thanked me very warmly for the poem I had given him several months ago about Brian (the one that begins with the words "He was back from some monumental journey." Here on TP I posted it on 24th May 2011 with the title "Loves survives it", I think.) He had looked after Brian so well throughout his illness that I had wanted to give him something by way of a "thank you" and gave him a copy of the verses, which he said he would read in his coffee break.

Back to this morning: he asked if I had ever thought of publishing the poem and I said it had been posted up at the Alzheimer's Society website, but nothing more than that. He went on to say that he had had his appraisal just last week and that he had shown the poem to the person doing it. He then asked a little tentatively whether I would object to it being used in the training of students and young GPs who were still learning the ropes. I said I would love to think it would be used in such a way and he looked delighted.

We agreed that it showed that even when someone was as far down the dementia road as was Brian at the time it was written (newer members of TP may not know that my dear Brian died only five weeks later), they could still have these spells of lucidity. If I really didn't mind, then, my poem would be included in the training schedule.

I walked home from the surgery feeling just a little dazed, and thinking "What a lovely thought."

Love to all,
Nan XXX
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
I thought I would resurrect this thread to let you know what happened this morning.

I had an appointment with our GP - a blocked ear and a pulled muscle, so nothing serious - and was a little surprised when he greeted me with the words "I've been meaning to get in touch with you these last few days." He then thanked me very warmly for the poem I had given him several months ago about Brian (the one that begins with the words "He was back from some monumental journey."
hope you dont mind put a link to your wonderful poem....

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?34272-Love-survives-it
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,118
Scotland
Dear Nan

So good to see you back on your thread again!

I read your poem, which I have many times, and yet again it brought the tears to my eyes. What a gift you have.

Yes, "What a lovely thought", and a wonderful GP. I wish there were more like him. Perhaps your poem being included in the training schedule for students and young GPs will help towards that in the future.

Thank you Nan, very well done in all respects.

Hope your ear and muscle are soon on the mend.

Much love

Loo xxx
 

thatwoman

Registered User
Mar 25, 2009
1,050
Merseyside
Dear Nan,

How lovely that your GP will be able to use the poem to help future generations of doctors. One of my daughters is a GP, and she is the person her practice go to with Dementia cases because of her experience in looking after my Dad. Somehow, it makes me feel that all the upset we've been through is worthwhile because it's being used to make life better for others with dementia.
I hope you're feeling better yourself? It was a nice surprise to see your thread back on here. I often think of you going to your beach hut. I think you will have good weather for it this week!

Love and hugs,

Sue xxx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,182
68
Dundee
I'm glad you wrote on this thread again Nan. I must have missed your poem first time round. It really is beautiful. What a lovely doctor too! X
 

jussiejus

Registered User
Feb 23, 2012
86
Shrewsbury, Shropshire
oh Nan, what a beautiful entry, would have loved to have met your man, he has such a sense of humour through it all. Bet your hair looks lovely, remember your life xxx much love