No Reasoning

[Tavy]

How can a carer possibly do the best for their OH who is constantly looking to row?
Example, OH "tomorrow I am going shopping with my friend, I do not want you to take us in the car we will go on our own," OH is 80years old with VD and her friend is 84 and almost blind, I often think the friend has dementia, the journey means crossing 2 very high traffic routes and one is riddled with half mile road works. 10 minutes later she is offering to make me a cup of coffee, a further 5 minutes later and she is causing a fuss about the milk.
Please do not tell me I am a saint or just let her win, this is life threatening.
Thank you

 

[SkyeD]

I'm sorry that I don't have any real answers to this @Tavy but just wanted you to know that you're not alone. My dad cared for my mum who was 84 with vascular dementia. He bore the brunt of her thoughts and her her constant sayings to push him for a row. I don't know how he coped to be honest.

She also used to say things like your other half is saying. It was impossible because my mum was barely mobile, but she kept saying that she'd get the bus. Her thoughts didn't last long because as soon as she'd said things she'd forget.

I think my dad used to tell her love lies such as, "The buses are on strike," or "The shops are closed on xx day."
S x

 

[Kevinl]

You're a saint, sorry for saying that but you are.
And not alone on here. K

 

[GeorgieW]

Your not alone, trust me! I now walk out the house when the PWD starts the niggling to get a row.

I find that I have to find excuses why she cant do X and why we have to do the Y she wants to do. Problem is more phrasing it so that it sounds like she suggested it all.

with the example you give you could do,

OK but how are you going to carry all your purchases, it would be better if I was the taxi/ helper.

or

you could pull the car round to the front door and say that their taxi has arrived.

trying to flit between the dementia world and the real world is very vexing but we can only do the best we can without losing ourselves in the process.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Tavy

I found that this stage passed with the progress of my wife's dementia as she became incapable of making plans/decisions.

In the meantime, I wonder if you have seen the thread that can be found with the link I've placed below. It's a gospel of perfection that probably can't be followed to the letter but it does contain some good hints

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk