I've been giving mum's funeral a lot of thought lately. She's in the later stages of Alzheimer's &, whilst stable & comfortable, realistically this is going to be sooner rather than later. Spending quiet time over Christmas I've asked myself what I want to do. Mum's never had a huge circle of friends & although there's one brother & a few in-laws left they're only in touch in a 'Christmas & birthday card' sort of way. I'd already decided it will be a simple affair - no ''bun fight'' afterwards & I've now come to the conclusion that any service is only going to be for their benefit, not mum's & certainly not mine. Quite the opposite in fact, it would cause me more stress than enough, listening to the usual, slightly hypocritical, 'what a wonderful woman she was & how much she'll be missed' line of chat. Well, I already know those things & it's only really myself to whom it applies, I'm an only child & my dad passed away several years ago. So when the time comes I think I'll be opting for a direct cremation. I've had doubts of course as I feel that perhaps I should be present to see her to her final destination, but then of course it's won't actually be mum, will it. Whatever made her who she was will have departed. Playing her favourite music & saying nice words, - well, I can do that without an audience of people who wouldn't know whether any of it was significant or not. I'm by nature a solitary person & quite happy to be such, 'family' presence would be of no comfort, more a bloody nuisance with the endless phone calls wanting details of the arrangements etc. The only person who was a support to me after mum's diagnosis, my aunt, has since passed away.
Coming to this conclusion is actually a huge weight off my shoulders. Of course there's even the 'get out' of the option to hold an informal memorial at a later date. Not that I expect that to materialise. And family can always donate to a charity in her memory if they choose. Alzheimer's research would be a good one.