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[Maxineb18]

Hello
My name is Maxine and my Father recently got diagnosed with Alzheimer's so I am really here to get advice and support.

My father is 82 and has been showing signs of Alzheimer's for around 12 months. He was tested in Feb 23 and we were told that he had Mild Cognitive Impairment and would be reviewed after 6 months. In this time he was taken in to hospital and stayed around 7 wks. During this time his partners of 20 years left as she said she couldn't look after him as there had been a decline in his health. I unfortunately had to inform my dad of this news but due to his decline in memory he has struggled to understand.

So on his return home he has had a major change in his personal circumstances and now lives alone.

Dad had his 6 month review and is is evident that he now has Alzheimer's. The problem I have is that he forgets about his diagnosis and he doesn't understand that he and his ex partner are no longer together, what makes it worse is that she only lives down the road. We are now finding that he is going to her house and knocking on her door which she doesn't want him to do due to him still thinking they are still together.

I have tried to reach out to her to ask her if she could just have a conversation herself with my Dad and explain how she feels and why she left in the hope that he would accept the situation but she refused.

Could anyone offer any advice on the best way to deal with his situation. Its heartbreaking having to go through the same thing and I know they recommend that you dont contradict him but my hope is that we can stop his regular visits to her house.

Thank you

 

[SAP]

Unfortunately, even if she was willing to talk with him, he probably won’t remember and will continue to visit her. She is either going to have to put up with this or not answer the door. No amount of telling him is going to stick. I do feel sorry for your dad ,he must be so confused and up set.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Maxineb18 and welcome to our supportive and friendly community. I am sorry to hear about your father's diagnosis and all that has followed as a result of this. It must have been difficult to try to explain that his partner had left. I don't have any good ideas on what to do in such a situation other than trying to persuade him that calling at her house is not going to change the situation. But that will be difficult to get across.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Maxineb18 and welcome to this forum. There is a lot of shared experience of dementia here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read of your Father's diagnosis and the health challenges that he has faced with being hospitalised, and the fact that he now lives alone. Any change in circumstances like that will be confusing for him, and it is obviously made even worse by his ex partner just moving down the road. That is particularly difficult to deal with. As others have said, I am not sure I am able to give you any ideas to resolve this situation, but hopefully with time, his wanting to go calling on her will decline.

 

[Maxineb18]

Unfortunately, even if she was willing to talk with him, he probably won’t remember and will continue to visit her. She is either going to have to put up with this or not answer the door. No amount of telling him is going to stick. I do feel sorry for your dad ,he must be so confused and up set.

I know I have said this to my husband. We can only try but going through the same thing every day and seeing him heart broken is truly saddening. He asked where she is a lot and thinks that she's been with him at some points and I have tried to ignore when he asked for her or change to subject but it is very difficult. As you say I dont think any amount of talking to him will help but I thought it worth a try on here to see if anyone had any ideas. Thanks for your responses.

Hello @Maxineb18 and welcome to this forum. There is a lot of shared experience of dementia here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read of your Father's diagnosis and the health challenges that he has faced with being hospitalised, and the fact that he now lives alone. Any change in circumstances like that will be confusing for him, and it is obviously made even worse by his ex partner just moving down the road. That is particularly difficult to deal with. As others have said, I am not sure I am able to give you any ideas to resolve this situation, but hopefully with time, his wanting to go calling on her will decline.

 

[canary]

He asked where she is a lot and thinks that she's been with him at some points

I think maybe you will have to handle this in a similar way to if she had died and doesnt remember. Keep telling him that she has left will distress him over and over again as each time you tell him will be like the first time he has heard. I wonder whether love lies might help. Maybe she is at work. out shopping or visiting her mum for a few days?

 

[jay6]

It's a hard one. Horrible that his partner left after 20 years while he was in hospital. Will make it harder for your dad to understand.
Could you do as canary has said and try saying she's away for a few days? Although maybe not if he is knocking on her door.
Could you try talking to his ex and ask if she would just visit now and again, or is this totally out the question? Probably makes it harder if he knows she's just down the road.
It will be very hard for your dad to understand what's happened now. He will have a lot to process and probably feels quite alone to deal with it all.