My dad Brian
- Thread starter Angie1996
- Start date
Hi MollyD
I am ok at the moment, I am blocking it so so much, everytime a song comes on the radio it is switched off straight away, I am avoiding anything that sets me off.
The one thing that keeps coming into my head, is seeing him the day he died, how bad he was, what he looked like and I cant get that image out of my head!!
I feel really calm at the moment, I suppose this is because I was under so much stress for the last 18 days waiting, I have just emotionally completely shut down now.
I feel at a loss now, and just taking a day at a time, I am dreading the funeral so much, I know I am going to be a complete wreck!
I am so happy he is free again
that means so much to me, no more care homes, pull ups, being fed, and generally the indignity of the whole situation for him for the last few weeks.I am still gobsmacked how fast he declined, 23 months!! cant believe that !!
Angie that memory will fade. I lost my dad in October & I was the same but it's gradually faded away.
Condolences from me too, Angie.
A lot of people dread the funeral and, as has been said, the waiting period is a horrible sort of limbo.
But have faith in yourself that you will get through it just fine, and be reassured that it should bring an element of closure. I'm always amazed at how much laughter there can be at a funeral, especially after the service, as well as the tears.
And that is as it should be, as it's a time for the memories of a life-well-lived to be celebrated.
A lot of people dread the funeral and, as has been said, the waiting period is a horrible sort of limbo.
But have faith in yourself that you will get through it just fine, and be reassured that it should bring an element of closure. I'm always amazed at how much laughter there can be at a funeral, especially after the service, as well as the tears.
And that is as it should be, as it's a time for the memories of a life-well-lived to be celebrated.
Angie hugs to you. Plan the best send off you can for your Dad. You portrayed him as such a character x
Thank you all for your continued support xx
Collected his medical certificate today for cause of death is Alzheimer's dementia, registering his death tomorrow at my local council office.....
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Collected his medical certificate today for cause of death is Alzheimer's dementia, registering his death tomorrow at my local council office.....
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Just wanted to say am thinking of you Angie. I know you're still active on here and it's not long to go until your dad's funeral.
I do hope you're doing as well as you can be right now x
I do hope you're doing as well as you can be right now x
Thanks Hillybilly, not doing too well to be honest, sleeping badly and terrible dreams!!
My boss had told me I must take a week off work after the funeral as I have been in such a heightened stressed stated for 23 months and need to try and relax and take a break.
It's a little like have post traumatic stress syndrome, I am a bit messed up....
I don't cry, I am blocking it out loads, I still can't get over how fast he declined and never stabilized at all.
Going into care for my dad was the nail in the coffin for him....
Now dealing with soooo much paperwork and probate and pensions and still selling his flat etc etc, it's relentless.
I keep seeing his face when he was dying and how thin he was. I know this is going to take me a long time to recover from this.
I am dreading the funeral, it only seems 5 minutes ago I buried my mum. I am shocked I lost both my parents in 23 months.
My only happiness is he is no longer trapped with an Alzheimer's brain and messed up body.
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My boss had told me I must take a week off work after the funeral as I have been in such a heightened stressed stated for 23 months and need to try and relax and take a break.
It's a little like have post traumatic stress syndrome, I am a bit messed up....
I don't cry, I am blocking it out loads, I still can't get over how fast he declined and never stabilized at all.
Going into care for my dad was the nail in the coffin for him....
Now dealing with soooo much paperwork and probate and pensions and still selling his flat etc etc, it's relentless.
I keep seeing his face when he was dying and how thin he was. I know this is going to take me a long time to recover from this.
I am dreading the funeral, it only seems 5 minutes ago I buried my mum. I am shocked I lost both my parents in 23 months.
My only happiness is he is no longer trapped with an Alzheimer's brain and messed up body.
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Angie, it sounds horrendously difficult for you. I'm so sorry.
Your boss is obviously in your corner, recognizing the acute pressure you've been under.
I know your dad's funeral is about a week away yet and that must be weighing heavily on you, the waiting as much as the dreading.
You do need time to yourself to process all this and grieve, let alone to give yourself some self-care (that's so easy said, though).
For now, just sending you a hug. Do you have support in some way from others? Please continue to post if it helps you.
X
Your boss is obviously in your corner, recognizing the acute pressure you've been under.
I know your dad's funeral is about a week away yet and that must be weighing heavily on you, the waiting as much as the dreading.
You do need time to yourself to process all this and grieve, let alone to give yourself some self-care (that's so easy said, though).
For now, just sending you a hug. Do you have support in some way from others? Please continue to post if it helps you.
X
Caring for Mum
Hi Angie. I care for Mum at home. 24/7 with some night relief from my son so that I can sleep and support during the day. Mother is sucking the life out of us. Cannot wash her as she starts to cry. She does not smell thanks to masses of baby wipes. She cannot dress herself so I do that and TBH I don't care what I put on her as long as it's clean and she is warm. She wears trousers and has a lovely habit of wiping her hands on her trousers. I encourage her to wash her hands at least but generally without success. Yesterday she used a pillow case to clean an old mascara wand and then threw another pillow case out of the front door. She goes nowhere alone as she is no longer fully mobile following fall in October. We live in 4-storey house and her access is restricted to 1 and 2 floors as stair lift too expensive to install throughout the house. So every time she wants to go upstairs/downstairs someone usually me has to go with het as she has no idea how to operate the lift and makes the sign of the cross each time she sits on it. She has declined so much since her fall and op and stay in hospital that I have decided the time has come for CH. She does not know who we are or where she is and always wants to pack and go home. And she wants her mother all the time. I feel I can do no more for her at home. There will be more hands on deck at the CH. The only blessing is that 99% of the time she is not aware of her decline. I am so exhausted sad angry resentful desperate to live my life etc and my son needs his life back too.
Hi Angie. I care for Mum at home. 24/7 with some night relief from my son so that I can sleep and support during the day. Mother is sucking the life out of us. Cannot wash her as she starts to cry. She does not smell thanks to masses of baby wipes. She cannot dress herself so I do that and TBH I don't care what I put on her as long as it's clean and she is warm. She wears trousers and has a lovely habit of wiping her hands on her trousers. I encourage her to wash her hands at least but generally without success. Yesterday she used a pillow case to clean an old mascara wand and then threw another pillow case out of the front door. She goes nowhere alone as she is no longer fully mobile following fall in October. We live in 4-storey house and her access is restricted to 1 and 2 floors as stair lift too expensive to install throughout the house. So every time she wants to go upstairs/downstairs someone usually me has to go with het as she has no idea how to operate the lift and makes the sign of the cross each time she sits on it. She has declined so much since her fall and op and stay in hospital that I have decided the time has come for CH. She does not know who we are or where she is and always wants to pack and go home. And she wants her mother all the time. I feel I can do no more for her at home. There will be more hands on deck at the CH. The only blessing is that 99% of the time she is not aware of her decline. I am so exhausted sad angry resentful desperate to live my life etc and my son needs his life back too.
Thanks MollyD - yes my boss is great, she looked after her dad who had alzheimer's for 6 years, so was a great support to me, and really understood how bad it gets!
I have family etc, so I am fine on that front. Time is the greatest healer and I know I will get better, I am a bit in limbo at the moment, the funeral is Friday, so that will give me some closure, I think once everything of dads is sorted out, I will start to get better, dealing with all his stuff is a constant reminder all the time, I have not let go yet.
Thank you for your continued support, and everyone on this forum, this has been the place that has kept me going since May. xx
Hi Boz, I totally understand, do whats right for you and your mum, caring for someone is very hard, and well done you for looking after her at home, I never did this.
You will know when the time is right for a care home, and it sounds like you have reached that point.
Good luck x
Angie I didn't comment much on your posts but I read them all. Despite the awful struggles you went through with your dad Brian, he sounded like a really interesting man. An independent, strong-minded character.
While funerals are sad they can also be a celebration of life and I really hope that comes to the front for you. Because you know what? I think you and your dad Brian are quite possibly very similar. I'd be proud of that.
You did well by your dad no matter what and I take my hat off to you and your dad too. Warmest wishes x
While funerals are sad they can also be a celebration of life and I really hope that comes to the front for you. Because you know what? I think you and your dad Brian are quite possibly very similar. I'd be proud of that.
You did well by your dad no matter what and I take my hat off to you and your dad too. Warmest wishes x
Thanks Lucia
Everyone tells me I was just like him [emoji4] I am definitely as stubborn and independent as him. Thanks for your kind words xx
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Angie, it's nice to see you.
Your boss does sound understanding and supportive, which is great.
I know it's been (and still is) a long wait for the funeral. Is it Friday, or am I not remembering correctly? The longest I ever had to wait was a week and that was really difficult so I just can't imagine.
It has been a long, rough road with your dad and dementia, and your mum before that. I should think you would be in a lot of turmoil and no two ways about it. Please just do the best you can, to be kind to yourself, right now.
Thinking of you.
Your boss does sound understanding and supportive, which is great.
I know it's been (and still is) a long wait for the funeral. Is it Friday, or am I not remembering correctly? The longest I ever had to wait was a week and that was really difficult so I just can't imagine.
It has been a long, rough road with your dad and dementia, and your mum before that. I should think you would be in a lot of turmoil and no two ways about it. Please just do the best you can, to be kind to yourself, right now.
Thinking of you.
