Mum.
- Thread starter jimmypit
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Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @jimmypit. This is a very friendly and supportive place.
Have you talked to your brother about why he doesn't want to visit on his own? Maybe he isn't sure what to do. You could suggest taking some photos to chat about or maybe some music to play. When my mother was first in care and still able to join in activities I used to go when there was something on and get involved in keep fit or waving my arms to the guest singer.
Have you talked to your brother about why he doesn't want to visit on his own? Maybe he isn't sure what to do. You could suggest taking some photos to chat about or maybe some music to play. When my mother was first in care and still able to join in activities I used to go when there was something on and get involved in keep fit or waving my arms to the guest singer.
Thank you for your reply, my mum as been in the care home for about 4 years, he's never been comfortable with it but seems to be getting worse, l don't like the care home environment but l go to see my mum, l don't understand him ??
Hi Sarasa, thank you for you're reply, l haven't spoken much to him about it we don't have that kind of relationship, but l have had to deal with everything, selling mums house, state pension, care home fee's, council assessments everything, and he just can't go and visit mum ??
It sounds as if he doesn`t know how to be with your mum by himself.
It`s tough on you but some people are like that.
Could it be that he cannot cope with the emotions visiting brings and he needs you for moral support? I am an only child so visit alone but my mom has siblings - none of them visit. Her one brother I think would like to visit but I genuinely think he cannot cope with seeing how my mom has deteriorated.
I had a friend who ended up in residential care after a stroke. She had two adopted sons, one married and the younger, single one was still living at home with her. The house had to be sold to pay for her care so he lost his home. As far as I know he visited his Mum a few times while she was in hospital but never visited her again after that.
It does depend on the relationship.
I had enough after half an hour with my mother but could stay with my husband for much longer.
I didn’t go near my dad and was happy to leave it to my mother and sister. If there had been no one, I’d have gone.
I had enough after half an hour with my mother but could stay with my husband for much longer.
I didn’t go near my dad and was happy to leave it to my mother and sister. If there had been no one, I’d have gone.
I suspect that he doesn't know what to say or do when he sees your Mum so is looking for someone to keep conversation flowing.
I can totally relate to this. I have what I call my brick wall - occasionally it crumbles when I leave to come home but I build it back up for the next visit. I stay for just over half an hour and usually time my visits before lunch or tea so I 'have' to leave (they will not allow visitors in the lounge whilst the residents are eating).
I don't think that my brother ever visited my mother in her care home without me except possibly once when she was dying. The home was a seven minute drive away from his home (I lived one and a half hours away) and I had partly chosen it because it would be easy for him to visit when he returned from Australia twice a year; he returned to the UK permanently a couple of years before she died. It was annoying that he didn't visit when he lived so close. If I had moved my mother to a home near me she would have had more visits.
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