Mum with paranoia

[Sutty27]

Hi,
I’m feeling very guilty as I’ve spoken to my mums gp behind my parents back to tell the truth about my mums behaviour. She’s waiting formal diagnosis from memory clinic but is on a low dose of citalapram (since October) but doesn’t seem to be having any affect and my mum has had almost daily episodes of paranoia and aggression towards dad this last week, culminating in dad having to leave his own hospital appointment with her due to her behaviour towards another patient. The doctor has been super and suspected they were not telling the whole truth and he is organising the Dementia Rapid Response Team to go and assess her and see what they can do. My dad will be worried they will want to put her in a home and when they leave mum is likely to be annoyed, let alone being in denial when they are there. Has anyone had experience of their local response team? Thankyou and sorry for waffling on!

 

[Kristo]

I haven’t experienced the response team but I didcontact my Dad’s GP to tell the absolute truth about his behaviour.

Similar situation, my Dad has no insight into his condition and if Mum talks about anything to do with dementia or his difficulties, he gets very cross.

I wrote to the GP. He was great, very understanding, referred Dad back to memory service for medication review and put my letter on Dad’s medical records. He also forwarded the letter to the memory service.

I now have POA for him which makes life a bit easier, but we still have to be quite discreet when informing people of things within his earshot!!

I feel guilty every time I speak to a service on his behalf - it feels like I am betraying him and his wishes, but mum masks how severe his issues are, which I don’t think is helpful in the long run.

As many people on here say, at some point you have to think about what they NEED not what they WANT. Good luck, they are lucky to have you advocating for them x

 

[Louise7]

Hi @Sutty27 it is difficult to think that you are going behind someone's back but you have definitely done the right thing by speaking to your mum's GP so that they get a full picture of what is going on, particularly as your dad is at risk of aggression. It's good that the doctor is taking action and although I don't have recent experience of a Rapid Response Team members here who do have found them to be good at putting additional support in place. It might be a good idea for yourself or someone else from the family to be there during their visit if possible as your dad might 'play down' the situation if he is worried about them potentially placing your mum in a home. It may be that a change of medication for your mum would help to reduce the paranoia/aggression but the important thing is that she gets the help that she needs and your dad is kept safe.

 

[yoy]

I would definitely try to be there when they visit as Louise7 has suggested, to ensure they get the correct picture. And if you feel you can't speak openly in front of your mum and dad, maybe have all the relevant information written down, meet the response team at the door when they visit and slip it to them quietly with a nod and a wink type of thing... or find out if you can email it before hand.
There are medications available which can help with aggression. My mum is on one now and is generally much more settled.

 

[Sutty27]

Thankyou for the replies. I’ve spoken to my sisters and we’ve agreed that at least one of us will be there. The psychiatric nurse has phoned today with what the plans are so it feels like mum is in their radar now and we can hopefully try to calm her down. Thanks again