Hi
@Dutchman
I apologise if my thoughts upset you.
You said "How it could have been different"
I'm sorry but in my humble view it could not have been different. It was as it was. It was either her genes for dementia or lifestyle, or your genes for your cancer or lifestyle.
What has happened has happened. It's over and done with.
At what or with whom are you angry? Does being angry change anything? Does it help you?
Yes, it could now be different, that is, your view of things could be different, but you are who you are, and so you have reacted as you have reacted.
You had a great relationship with your wife, and thankfully many happy years and memories together. Let those thoughts take centre stage.
I don't know, but I expect your late wife would want you to continue to live your life to the full going forward. That doesn't mean you forget any of the past, but the horrible years is a small percentage of the whole, and that perspective lessens its importance compared with the good years.
My wife had cancer (now in remission), and then dementia and still has dementia and will have until it eventually kills her. I can't find it in me to be angry at her. I'm not angry with an illness. I can't go back and change anything in the past. I've been full time caring for my OH for 7 years now, and for all I know it may be another 7 years or more to go.
All I feel I can do is to deal with what's in front of me and try and make the best of it. I can't change it,
I also had a great relationship with my wife, and thankfully 50 happy years and memories together, that I can recall for which I am truly grateful.