Hello everyone. I’m not sure who’s going to pick this up. Just seems I’m leaning on you guys way too much so please forgive a needy person.
I do feel much better generally and I feel issues around my grief and longing are gradually getting better, but there is one thing that stands out still to be resolved, if it ever can be. And I feel it never can be now that Bridget has died. Even back in 2017 onwards she didn’t have the capacity to understand or discuss any issues I had. Conversation in 2019 had gone by that point.
I feel strongly that I’ve been self centred most of my life and this feeling is holding me back from feeling better about the handling the grief . She used to say “You only think of yourself” and “were you like this with your first wife” ( probably). I did a number of things on my own when it would have been more considerate if we’d done things together. I did concentrate on what I liked and, for instance, when I went for a long walk she’d say, “ you know I can’t do that”( she had weak ankles) but I always felt it was my right to do what I wanted. I could’ve considered her more, been understanding and considerate. But I wasn’t.
I know many relationships would have been worse than ours, more selfish perhaps and less loving. But i dwell on this a lot knowing it was upsetting for her and even perhaps a contributing factor to her becoming closer to dementia. I’m told that no one can cause another’s dementia, but surely upsets in a relationship don’t help.
I’ve gone on a bit here. But outside of my counsellor who else could have opinions apart from my friends here.
Sending love to all . Peter
I do feel much better generally and I feel issues around my grief and longing are gradually getting better, but there is one thing that stands out still to be resolved, if it ever can be. And I feel it never can be now that Bridget has died. Even back in 2017 onwards she didn’t have the capacity to understand or discuss any issues I had. Conversation in 2019 had gone by that point.
I feel strongly that I’ve been self centred most of my life and this feeling is holding me back from feeling better about the handling the grief . She used to say “You only think of yourself” and “were you like this with your first wife” ( probably). I did a number of things on my own when it would have been more considerate if we’d done things together. I did concentrate on what I liked and, for instance, when I went for a long walk she’d say, “ you know I can’t do that”( she had weak ankles) but I always felt it was my right to do what I wanted. I could’ve considered her more, been understanding and considerate. But I wasn’t.
I know many relationships would have been worse than ours, more selfish perhaps and less loving. But i dwell on this a lot knowing it was upsetting for her and even perhaps a contributing factor to her becoming closer to dementia. I’m told that no one can cause another’s dementia, but surely upsets in a relationship don’t help.
I’ve gone on a bit here. But outside of my counsellor who else could have opinions apart from my friends here.
Sending love to all . Peter
