Am still here sitting in Kent, should be on my way to Nottingham, but I keep putting it off. Things seem to be getting worse - I guess they will, before they get better. I seem to be shutting down and finding it hard to do anything, all I want to do is go to bed and pull the duvet over my head.
Registered mum's death yesterday and it was awful. Firstly we're all in the same waiting room and there was this lovely happy couple with their first baby trying to make conversation with me and I felt so guilty because all I wanted to do was yell at them to shut up and go away. Then the registrar asks so many questions now, it wasn't like that with dad and personally I didn't see the need for it. Then we had a ten minute discussion about what to put on the certificate for place of death. I thought my house, which is where she died, she thought her house which I couldn't understand because she didn't actually die there! By this time I was blubbing.
Mum looks terrible - so distressing. I don't know what they've done to her but she's almost unrecognisable. Her mouth and nose are all pulled to one side. Again in a fit of tears, I rang her local funeral directors and they have assured me they will deal with it and that I will recognise her when I see her next up there.
I keep suddenly bursting into tears, it doesn't last long but it's usually somewhere inappropriate.
Remember the puppy we bought, Woody, he got so upset when mum didn't respond. The funeral parlour is opposite a park and I was taking them for a walk when I popped in. Cristo wasn't bothered because she always stressed him out and wasn't beyond giving hin the odd kick, but Woody made his favourite place in her room. Anyway he was jumping up to see her (you're all going to thing I'm kooky now (lol), so I lifted him up and his tail was going crazy and he gave her a kiss but obviously there was no response. Well he started howling and crying and when I put him down he just kept on and wouldn't stop until I got him out of there, which was as speedily as poss!!!!
We've had a power cut here for the last two nights, was the Kevin Whateley thing any good?
love ellie