1. tillygirl

    tillygirl Registered User

    Jan 7, 2009
    Dear Ellie,

    So sorry to read that your Mum has passed away. My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

    Love and hugs Tilly
  2. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Dear Ellie, so sorry to hear your news.

    Please don't apologise for anything. Do what you need to do for you and if that's working things through on TP, you know you will find the support here.

    My sincere condolences.

    Love, Karen, x
  3. florida mel

    florida mel Registered User

    Jul 21, 2008
    Manchester ENGLAND
    So sorry to hear of your loss (((((hugs)))))

    I hope today isn't too difficult for you and your family Ellie.

    Take care honey x
  4. DianeB

    DianeB Registered User

    May 29, 2008
    Sending you my love and hugs Ellie xx
  5. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007

    Thoughts go with you and your family at this time.


  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Hello Ellie:

    It is sad to read about your Mother. You have been very special in keeping her at home - I hope you gain comfort from knowing your did your utmost.

    Take care of YOU now. Love Jan
  7. ellie 123

    ellie 123 Registered User

    May 25, 2006
    Happy Mother's Day everyone.

    Today was gruelling. I found I just kept bursting into tears, as each son arrived with gifts and cards it reinforced the loss and another bout of tears arrived.

    Have found it necessary to get out of the house each day in order to raise my spirits, so the dogs and I have been seeking out new walking places - at the moment this seems to work. I come home so tired and go to sleep for 4/5 hours, I have to keep reminding myself that I can do what I want now and that I'm free to come and go as I wish. Even today, whilst walking in some woods, a panic overcame me and I suddenly thought How long have I been out - need to get for the carers to go, then I remembered. Ouch, it hurts.

    Had a very nice email today from my local MP and he has offered any further help if bureaucracy becomes a problem. So that's helpful, because with my history so far, I'm bound to come up against something.

    Can anyone put me right - I don't think I should be posting here anymore, do I? Sould I post in the after death one?

  8. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Dear Ellie

    I apologise for my late post in sending you my deepest sympathy at the loss of your mum.
    Your wandering was lovely Ellie and it conjured up such a lovely picture of the puppy and your mother bonded:)

    Love and best wishes
  9. songary

    songary Registered User

    Mar 22, 2009
    #29 songary, Mar 22, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2009
    Could someone please give me some advice

    Dear all

    This is the first time on this website or any website in regards to demensia. My husband and i are at a loss of what to do so i am hoping that you could give us some advice.

    My father in law was diagnosed with vascular demensia at the beginning of 2008. He is not very well at all. He seems to be dissapearing under our noses. He is extremely forgetful and he doesn't know who we are anymore. He has started to get very upset, crying whenever we are there. He knows he is ill but yesterday it was the worst time. My hisband and his sister were talking to him in the garden and he got really upset, really crying saying he wanted to die. This was really upsetting for them all. But then he said he wanted to kill there mum and actually said he wanted to murder her.
    The other big problem we have is that my mother in law, on face value, looks to have buried her head in the sand and acts as if nothing is wrong with him. If he gets upset she just says "hes alright" when we all know he isn't. We are not at the house 7 days a week and we only see what he is like one day a week and i have to say that she must be mentally and physically worn out looking after him but seh just say's there is nothing wrong with him and she doesn't need any help. I contacted social services a couple of months back and the lady i spoke to was fantastic but as soon as we spoke to Mum about it she totally dismissed any help. Social services will not go to see her unless she gives consent which she won't do.

    After yesterdays events we are all worried sick about what is going on when we are not there. We don't know if he is being violent to her and we don't think she would tell us if he was. I am so tempted to run the risk of a fallout and tell social services she has given consent just so we can get them both the help they need.

    Sorry for rambling but i am sure someone probably has or is going through the same situation. Any help or adice would be extremely grateful.

    Many thanks:(
  10. Scottie45

    Scottie45 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2009
    Dear Eillie

    So sorry to hear the sad news of your mum,s passing thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time take care Marian xx
  11. ChrisH

    ChrisH Registered User

    Apr 16, 2008
    Devon, England
    Just seen the news about your sad loss and wanted to add my condolences.

  12. songary

    songary Registered User

    Mar 22, 2009
    sorry Ellie

    I am really sorry to read about your mothers death. I want to also apologise as i think i have made a mistake by adding a new issue in yours. First time of using the website.

    Sorry again
  13. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Dear Ellie,
    I'm very sorry to hear of your mother's passing. You did everything you could and you did an exemplary job.

    You should post wherever you feel most comfortable. If the moderators feel you would get a better response in another area, they would move it for you so you would get that greater response.

    Take care of yourself.
  14. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    Just checking in

    Hi Ellie,

    Just checking in to make sure you are ok. I won't ask how you are because that would be a silly question, but just want to make sure you are coping.

    Love and hugs

    Vonny xxx
  15. ellie 123

    ellie 123 Registered User

    May 25, 2006
    Am still here sitting in Kent, should be on my way to Nottingham, but I keep putting it off. Things seem to be getting worse - I guess they will, before they get better. I seem to be shutting down and finding it hard to do anything, all I want to do is go to bed and pull the duvet over my head.

    Registered mum's death yesterday and it was awful. Firstly we're all in the same waiting room and there was this lovely happy couple with their first baby trying to make conversation with me and I felt so guilty because all I wanted to do was yell at them to shut up and go away. Then the registrar asks so many questions now, it wasn't like that with dad and personally I didn't see the need for it. Then we had a ten minute discussion about what to put on the certificate for place of death. I thought my house, which is where she died, she thought her house which I couldn't understand because she didn't actually die there! By this time I was blubbing.

    Mum looks terrible - so distressing. I don't know what they've done to her but she's almost unrecognisable. Her mouth and nose are all pulled to one side. Again in a fit of tears, I rang her local funeral directors and they have assured me they will deal with it and that I will recognise her when I see her next up there.

    I keep suddenly bursting into tears, it doesn't last long but it's usually somewhere inappropriate.

    Remember the puppy we bought, Woody, he got so upset when mum didn't respond. The funeral parlour is opposite a park and I was taking them for a walk when I popped in. Cristo wasn't bothered because she always stressed him out and wasn't beyond giving hin the odd kick, but Woody made his favourite place in her room. Anyway he was jumping up to see her (you're all going to thing I'm kooky now (lol), so I lifted him up and his tail was going crazy and he gave her a kiss but obviously there was no response. Well he started howling and crying and when I put him down he just kept on and wouldn't stop until I got him out of there, which was as speedily as poss!!!!

    We've had a power cut here for the last two nights, was the Kevin Whateley thing any good?

    love ellie
  16. CJ75

    CJ75 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2009
    I'm new here but just wanted to send you lots of love and support at this very difficult time. xx
  17. ella24

    ella24 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2008
    South Coast UK
    I don't think that's kooky, I think it's lovely.

    Sending you love and support


    p.s. The KW thingy is on itvplayer now, so you can view online.
  18. DianeB

    DianeB Registered User

    May 29, 2008
    Ellie honey, I had to respond to your post. Not only are you and I in a smiliar boat both losing our mothers within 24 hrs of each other but also you mention your dog. We used to have 3 cats when 1 passed away a couple of years ago we were advised by the vet to allow the other two to see him and allow them to smell him, the reason, because dogs can smell death, allowing them to do this allows them to understand that their own have not abandoned the pack but passed away. So I don't know how true this may be, but the younger cat reacted similar to your dog, sniffing licking and then crying. They need to grieve also for their companion. Its like they are part of a pack.
    Hang on in there you are not alone. I am trying to keep myself busy, but even when busy Mum is there in my thoughts and heart all the time. Mothers day was difficult too, I didn't want to celebrate it at all, firtunately my kids fully understood this and it was the lowest key Mothers day ever.
    Sending you hugs xxx
  19. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Dear Ellie

    I am so sorry for your loss.


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