Mum - doesn't shower

[LizH1]

Hi

Although I've been on this site for a while and found all the threads interesting, this is my first post so hi to everyone.

My mum has alzheimer's and cancer and I'm concerned that she doesn't shower or wash her hair.

She has carer's going in three times a day and every time they ask to help her shower she declines. When I go round she declines and can be quite abrupt about it. She comes out with what I call excuses like "I'm not feeling very well" or "I'm tired and haven't the energy" "I'll do it tomorrow".

I've read that it can be because they could be scared of water but this isn't the case. I really think she just hasn't got the energy to shower or wash her hair.

I'm concerned about her health if she isn't showering and when I give her a hug there is a smell (sorry!).

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to persuade her to get in the shower?

 

[Felinefan66]

Hi

Although I've been on this site for a while and found all the threads interesting, this is my first post so hi to everyone.

My mum has alzheimer's and cancer and I'm concerned that she doesn't shower or wash her hair.

She has carer's going in three times a day and every time they ask to help her shower she declines. When I go round she declines and can be quite abrupt about it. She comes out with what I call excuses like "I'm not feeling very well" or "I'm tired and haven't the energy" "I'll do it tomorrow".

I've read that it can be because they could be scared of water but this isn't the case. I really think she just hasn't got the energy to shower or wash her hair.

I'm concerned about her health if she isn't showering and when I give her a hug there is a smell (sorry!).

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to persuade her to get in the shower?

Hi Liz.. my father is the same.. he no longer showers however, (and like your mum, abruptly) insists he does 2-3 times a week, but then another day says he doesn't and just has strip washes out of the sink. (I know he's telling porkies because firstly, the shower isn't working correctly and I placed the shower head in a certain position and it's not been moved in months.) He used to have showers regularly before D but now I think he is either concerned he's going to fall, simply thinks he has but forgets he hasn't, or something else. Fortunately he doesn't smell.. so far.. but like you, I'm concerned about his health and overall personal hygiene as he seems a little lax about it and not at all bothered because he doesn't consider there to be any issues!

I'm sorry that I don't have any suggestions but hopefully someone on here will. All the very best.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @LizH1 and firstly welcome to this friendly and supportive forum, and I am glad you have made your first post. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here and members really do want to help.
I am sorry to read about your Mum's Alzheimer's and cancer. That's tough for sure.
Regarding the showering issue, it is not something I have had direct experience of, but am sure other members have, and will along with any suggestions.
Please remember you will always find understanding and a listening ear here. Take care.

 

[Jale]

Hi @LizH1, sorry to read of your Mum's double diagnosis. Mum stopped showering probably longer than I knew and she absolutely refused to be washed by carers saying that she had already had a wash (soap, flannel and sink all bone dry) I was able to persuade her to let me wash her but she didn't like water on her face at all. When she went into the nursing home she would sometimes let the carers shower her - as long as the water didn't go near her head but now she refuses to let them do that. I know the carers wash her, and sometimes she will kick off -verbally and physically - but somehow they always manage to get the job done.

Have you tried wet wipes? not ideal but better than nothing, would she be open to having a "pampering session", again mum sometimes would accept being "pampered" rather than being "washed" - hope that makes sense. For hair washing could you use a dry shampoo, never used them so not sure what you have to do, but again a bit of a pamper for your mum.

It is a nightmare trying to find what works, and very often what works on a Monday won't work on a Tuesday,
hope that someone else will drop in and add their thoughts,

 

[Beverlyann]

I’m also sure my mum doesn’t shower though she insists she does. Carers go in daily but she won’t let them do anything- she’s very stubborn. I don’t think I can do anything about it. She occasionally puts clean clothes on when reminded but resents it.

 

[Renee Vangogh]

Hi

Although I've been on this site for a while and found all the threads interesting, this is my first post so hi to everyone.

My mum has alzheimer's and cancer and I'm concerned that she doesn't shower or wash her hair.

She has carer's going in three times a day and every time they ask to help her shower she declines. When I go round she declines and can be quite abrupt about it. She comes out with what I call excuses like "I'm not feeling very well" or "I'm tired and haven't the energy" "I'll do it tomorrow".

I've read that it can be because they could be scared of water but this isn't the case. I really think she just hasn't got the energy to shower or wash her hair.

I'm concerned about her health if she isn't showering and when I give her a hug there is a smell (sorry!).

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to persuade her to get in the shower?

 

[Renee Vangogh]

Does she have a shower chair? My dad would reluctantly allow assistance with me and a handheld shower head. He always felt better afterwards. Once a week was as good as it got.

 

[lollyc]

Hi

Although I've been on this site for a while and found all the threads interesting, this is my first post so hi to everyone.

My mum has alzheimer's and cancer and I'm concerned that she doesn't shower or wash her hair.

She has carer's going in three times a day and every time they ask to help her shower she declines. When I go round she declines and can be quite abrupt about it. She comes out with what I call excuses like "I'm not feeling very well" or "I'm tired and haven't the energy" "I'll do it tomorrow".

I've read that it can be because they could be scared of water but this isn't the case. I really think she just hasn't got the energy to shower or wash her hair.

I'm concerned about her health if she isn't showering and when I give her a hug there is a smell (sorry!).

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to persuade her to get in the shower?

You can get no rinse shampoos and body washes - Nilaqua and Pits & Bit amongst others (tip, look for festival goers products). I used the shampoo for Mum - she was unable to get near a sink to wash her hair - and it worked very well.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @LizH1 Welcome.

It takes a lot of organizational skills to have a bath/shower and wash your hair and its difficult to appreciate how much it can take out of a person until they experience this for themselves.

Recently I was quite unwell and it took all my energy to get myself ready for bed, never mind bathing and washing my hair. It was a big culture shock for me and gave me more understanding of the difficulty some people have. Add dementia to the mix and it`s even more difficult.

I saw a mention of no rinse cleansing foam only yesterday here on the forum and think it might be quite valuable at times like these.

Vivactive No-Rinse Skin Cleansing Foam 200ml

Vivactive No Rinse Skin Cleanser provides a superior skin cleansing solution without the need for water, but most importantly it leaves no sticky residue. That is because our pH balanced formula contains zero emollients, leaving your skin feeling clean and fresh. Designed to provide a complete...

www.ageukincontinence.co.uk

 

[LizH1]

Does she have a shower chair? My dad would reluctantly allow assistance with me and a handheld shower head. He always felt better afterwards. Once a week was as good as it got.

Hi Renee

Yes she does have a shower chair but I still don't think that would encourage her to get in the shower. The nearest I've got is getting her to take her clothes off but then all the excuses come out.

 

[Springiscoming]

My mum has not had a shower or a bath for probably six years. Dating to before we suspected deterioration although if we’d known it CouId have been an early sign I suppose. I had assumed she did bathe until for some reason it came up in co versation and she casually said that she has an all over wash with a flannel at the sink. I am not actually sure these days that this alleged strip wash happens every day. Although she has moderate/severe Alzheimer’s she still lives on her own and is fiercely independent and has little awareness of how much I do for her, ie just about everything. I have no answer for you but I commiserate. It upsets and embarrasses me. She changes her T-shirts daily but refuses to change her trousers. She changes and hand washes her knickers … nonetheless she isn’t quite as fresh smelling as she could be … I know the day will come when I’ll have to broach this with her (and I will) but that day is one whose dawn I dread … feeling for you and following for any tips I can steal 😂

 

[Felinefan66]

My mum has not had a shower or a bath for probably six years. Dating to before we suspected deterioration although if we’d known it CouId have been an early sign I suppose. I had assumed she did bathe until for some reason it came up in co versation and she casually said that she has an all over wash with a flannel at the sink. I am not actually sure these days that this alleged strip wash happens every day. Although she has moderate/severe Alzheimer’s she still lives on her own and is fiercely independent and has little awareness of how much I do for her, ie just about everything. I have no answer for you but I commiserate. It upsets and embarrasses me. She changes her T-shirts daily but refuses to change her trousers. She changes and hand washes her knickers … nonetheless she isn’t quite as fresh smelling as she could be … I know the day will come when I’ll have to broach this with her (and I will) but that day is one whose dawn I dread … feeling for you and following for any tips I can steal 😂

Similar to Dad.. probably not showered for 18 months.. this is the time that we've known the shower's not been working properly - when boiling hot, no water comes out. We've recently discovered this is a common problem when the shower is old and not used for a long time, the pressure valve corrodes. Anyway, I've put things in the shower tray and the shower head at a certain angle as 'controls' to see if Dad does use the shower, and even though we know it's not working, he insists he showers 2-3 times a week (I was with him for a week at xmas and he didn't shower once.. but anyway, not possible whilst the shower needs fixing). Prior to this, he had told me he never showers these days, he just strip washes. Wonder then how he manages to 'wash' his hair or clean his feet!!! Going back to the shower, I told him that I had left a few bits on the shower floor that, if he'd showered, would have been washed away so no Dad, I don't believe you shower 2-3 times a week. He just hurumphed at me. He has mild dementia and still lives alone seemingly ok.. very risk aware so is cautious around things and makes sure he doesn't put himself in danger. He's adamant about remaining independent so I'm happy for him to do so for the moment. I have had to broach Dad about changing his clothes but as I'm not with him every day, whether he does, I don't know. This is certainly not the Dad I remember.

 

[Fmarg]

This must be an unspoken result of deminca, My husband has not had a shower or bath for almost two years , even when having a hospital appointment something he used to be so fussy about . He shaves only when a growth is there , has a bowl in the living room to soften his.
toenails while watching tv so at least his feet are clean.when told he has‘nt showered or washed his hair for ages .he just laughs it off and says he showers regularly anyway hair cleans itself?? I must add somehow he doesn’t smell either.
.

 

[Felinefan66]

This must be an unspoken result of deminca, My husband has not had a shower or bath for almost two years , even when having a hospital appointment something he used to be so fussy about . He shaves only when a growth is there , has a bowl in the living room to soften his.
toenails while watching tv so at least his feet are clean.when told he has‘nt showered or washed his hair for ages .he just laughs it off and says he showers regularly anyway hair cleans itself?? I must add somehow he doesn’t smell either.
.

Yes, I think it is. Dad needs his hair and beard cut badly.. won't let me do it... toenails.. I've never seen them so long.. so thick that no normal clippers will cut them, but he will not let me touch them or have any chiropodist to see him. So bloody stubborn. Fortunately too.. Dad doesn't smell