Hi,
I am hoping someone would have some experience and advice they would be happy to share.
My mother is 90, lives alone and has Alzheimers, diagnosed over a year ago, She is on several medications but thinks she only takes 1. We have tried via 3 care agencies to establish a care package but she is refusing to let care workers into the house, is often verbally aggressive and just recently was physically aggressive towards a care worker. She says she does not need anyone. She has been shouting at passers by to call the police when care workers call. She has had 3 falls recently, with one visit to emergency and another resulting in an inpatient stay. An emergency call system has been in her house for years, but she didn't think to use it and was found only by chance. She does not eat properly, never cooks and has lost lots of weight. She does not do her self care, is incontinent and has had home-hygiene issues (mice everywhere). She is unable to manage food, so things go out of date and obviously, her house is filthy. She won't allow a cleaner in.
When we try to suggest help, she threatens suicide or is sarcastic and moribund. Mental health is aware of this behaviour. She is frequently unpleasant to and about me and/or my sister. We are at our wits end. She has never been an easy person to get along with and our relationship was always strained. Neither my sister nor I can take over her care as her behaviour is not ok around children.
She said she wanted to stay at home as she aged, but she refuses entry to care workers who ultimately do not want to work with her or cannot meet her needs. We have been through 3 agencies now.
I am beginning to feel very unkindly towards her, mainly because of the stress and strain it is causing my sister, who shoulders a lot of the care and, frankly, the emotional cruelty, self-centredness, even narcissistic behaviour. Which predates Alzheimers by the way so we can't blame the disease entirely.
We have made referrals to safeguarding at social services to do an updated assessment, Alz. Soc. have already made a safeguarding referral and have said they will do another one. We are following up with clinical mental health with a re-referral. We will speak to the GP when we can get them on the phone, and ask for a safeguarding referral from them. And social services are so slow.
We have LPAs but are unwilling to use it to move her into residential. But the stress and strain this is putting on my sister particularly is concerning me. I want to support her and need to know how and what I can do to enforce a statutory process, like the doctor telling my mother she has to accept care.
I have read about DoLS. Would this apply in this case? Mum would have to pay for residential care which we and the care agencies think is the most appropriate living arrangement. But she would have to be removed by force. This would be a potentially extremely ugly if necessary step. This is all new territory to me so hearing your experiences will help.
I am hoping someone would have some experience and advice they would be happy to share.
My mother is 90, lives alone and has Alzheimers, diagnosed over a year ago, She is on several medications but thinks she only takes 1. We have tried via 3 care agencies to establish a care package but she is refusing to let care workers into the house, is often verbally aggressive and just recently was physically aggressive towards a care worker. She says she does not need anyone. She has been shouting at passers by to call the police when care workers call. She has had 3 falls recently, with one visit to emergency and another resulting in an inpatient stay. An emergency call system has been in her house for years, but she didn't think to use it and was found only by chance. She does not eat properly, never cooks and has lost lots of weight. She does not do her self care, is incontinent and has had home-hygiene issues (mice everywhere). She is unable to manage food, so things go out of date and obviously, her house is filthy. She won't allow a cleaner in.
When we try to suggest help, she threatens suicide or is sarcastic and moribund. Mental health is aware of this behaviour. She is frequently unpleasant to and about me and/or my sister. We are at our wits end. She has never been an easy person to get along with and our relationship was always strained. Neither my sister nor I can take over her care as her behaviour is not ok around children.
She said she wanted to stay at home as she aged, but she refuses entry to care workers who ultimately do not want to work with her or cannot meet her needs. We have been through 3 agencies now.
I am beginning to feel very unkindly towards her, mainly because of the stress and strain it is causing my sister, who shoulders a lot of the care and, frankly, the emotional cruelty, self-centredness, even narcissistic behaviour. Which predates Alzheimers by the way so we can't blame the disease entirely.
We have made referrals to safeguarding at social services to do an updated assessment, Alz. Soc. have already made a safeguarding referral and have said they will do another one. We are following up with clinical mental health with a re-referral. We will speak to the GP when we can get them on the phone, and ask for a safeguarding referral from them. And social services are so slow.
We have LPAs but are unwilling to use it to move her into residential. But the stress and strain this is putting on my sister particularly is concerning me. I want to support her and need to know how and what I can do to enforce a statutory process, like the doctor telling my mother she has to accept care.
I have read about DoLS. Would this apply in this case? Mum would have to pay for residential care which we and the care agencies think is the most appropriate living arrangement. But she would have to be removed by force. This would be a potentially extremely ugly if necessary step. This is all new territory to me so hearing your experiences will help.
