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Moving on after my mum’s death

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Kikki21, Aug 29, 2019.

  1. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    I thought I would start up a new thread on here as it is now just over 5 mths after my mum died & life has definitely moved on.
    I was always spiritual before but I am much more so after my mum’s passing & the amount of feathers I have received is phenomenal - never had them before!

    I believe she has brought me great blessings in my life & this has been confirmed by readings I have had which have given me great comfort. I know that these type of stuff isn’t for everyone though.

    I’m in the verge of getting a completion date for my new home. I signed the contracts yesterday. Now we should have a completion date for the bungalow also & I have been told that there is no problem exchanging & completing on both properties on the same day. So fingers crossed for that, hopefully it will take place next week.

    My life with my boyfriend Luke gets better everyday. We just love being together & sharing our life & every day gets better & better. We can’t wait to get renovating in our new home together & making it absolutely beautiful.

    I now have my mum’s ashes separated. I want to scatter some of her ashes in Poland & also make up a ring which I will wear on my right hand. I’m not sure what I should do with the rest of the ashes as yet though.,
     
  2. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    528
    Female
    High Peak
    Such a positive post, @Kikki21
    I can't believe it is 5 months since you lost your mum, so much has changed in your life since

    It's really good to hear the happiness in your post as you look to a new and unexpected future...

    Go for it, girl!
     
  3. estragon

    estragon New member

    Aug 29, 2019
    1
    I'm sorry to hear about your mother, but I'm tremendously glad to know that things are looking up for you.

    As for the rest of your mother's ashes - you could always keep them in an urn with you until you're sure of what you want to do with them.
     
  4. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands

    Thank you so much - my life is totally different now. I was so unhappy previously & now I have all the happiness in the world & all because of a Tinder swipe - he swiped first we are like 2 peas in a pod & we just feed good vibes off each other. He usually spends one night at week at his parents house & actually it is quite nice having some time apart. I have an evening to myself or I can go out & well as he says a bit of absence makes the heart grow fonder. And yes it is all very unexpected - he was about to give up on finding love & I was definitely not expecting to meet someone like him off the first time but we are so glad we did meet & he has helped me so much with also coming to terms with everything including my mum’s passing xx
     
  5. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you.... I may just decide to keep the urn in the garden & have my mum watch over us. I’m not sure. At least that way if we do ever move then she can come with us & I can always have a chat to her. I’ve got emotional then so I think that could be the answer
     
  6. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,403
    Yorkshire
    @Kikki21 - I am very pleased to read of your new happy situation, and wish you every joy and blessing in the future. xx
     
  7. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    274
    So happy for you Kikki21 xxx
     
  8. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you everyone.
    We are still awaiting a completion date! The solicitors dealing with the sale of the bungalow & the executor have been an absolute nightmare to deal with. They keep asking for repeat information from him & have definitely held matters up. We were hoping for tomorrow but that won’t happen. I have signed my contract, the buyers for the bungalow have signed theirs & now we are waiting for their buyers & one more document for their mortgage offer & they need to sign their contract & that’s it.
    So we now hope for a day next week!
    In a piece of luck, I have managed to get a key off my seller for their garage/storage area but then we haven’t moved anything in there as we were waiting for racking to be delivered which has come today.
    Also we had a bit of a scare with Luke as he nearly collapsed at work & they called an ambulance. Luckily the hospital is opposite his work place & they rang me & I was there within 10 mins & got in the ambulance with him. He had chest pains, was breathing fast & had numb feelings in both his arms & his jaw. We were all terrified that he was having a heart attack as his dad had one in his 40’s.
    We were 5 hrs at A&E & he had 3 ECG’s & blood tests which were all clear. However he is massively drained. I think he is overworked plus may have a virus or vitamin/mineral deficiencies. He says he has not felt right since giving blood at the end of July which might tie in with maybe being anaemic.
    He’s not been to work since & he has a dr’s appt on Monday where I hope they run a full panel
    of blood tests. I hope they can find out what the issue is very quickly. The dr’s advice at the hospital was appalling. Take paracetamol every 4 hrs.
    I said what for? He’s not in pain - oh just take it in general!!!
    Let’s hope everything resolves itself happily & fast xx
     
  9. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,403
    Yorkshire
    So sorry to hear about Luke's health alarm, and I do hope they find out what caused it and how to prevent it in the future.

    Fingers crossed you'll get somewhere soon with your sale. I know how it feels, one last-minute delay after another. Ours finally happened - I still can't believe it! - and I hope the same will happen for you in the next few days. xx
     
  10. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you lovely lady. We are still none the wiser about his health incident. He has been very tired recently but we have taken it relatively easily & I have ensured he eats well & has a lot of rest in between. Making sure he rests is hard work though as he is used to being active!

    He went to see the dr on Monday & then went back to work on Tuesday. Personally I thought that was too early but he seems better now. His coughing has almost stopped. He is having a load of blood tests done at the hospital on Monday or Tuesday so hopefully we might get to the bottom of what caused his symptoms.

    House wise it is a bit of a disaster zone. The buyer’s buyer have failed to obtain a mortgage offer after being in the process for over 4 months. My buyer for the bungalow is absolutely furious with them & the estate agents. Their buyer have appealed the rejected offer & have applied to another lender to get a mortgage. Apparently they own their house outright & so the mortgage is only needed temporarily as they offered to buy my buyer’s house & then put their house on the market later & then pay off the mortgage. It almost sounds like a bridging loan - this other lender can make a decision in 2 weeks & so my buyer has a new survey done at their house yesterday so things are progressing. Luckily, no one has pulled out of anything just yet but it is costing me more money!

    I had hoped to give rental notice this month but it’s going to be at least another month. My inheritance so to speak is depleting because of this but cannot be helped. All being well if the buyer’s buyer gets their mortgage offer accepted then they will sign their contract ASAP & we can go ahead with a completion date! I really can’t wait.

    Luke & I continue to live very happily together & are very much in love & yes we have talked seriously about our future & well watch this space! Xx
     
  11. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,403
    Yorkshire
    Thank you for your update, @Kikki21 - I do hope they get to the bottom of Luke's health worries and get it all sorted. It's lovely that you've found each other and I'll definitely be watching the space! :)

    Sorry to hear about problems with your sale, though. In the past I've had chains like that, that all depended on the one at the bottom getting a mortgage. I hope the new mortgage lender is more sympathetic and you can get on with it all.

    Will be thinking of you, and saying a prayer. xx
     
  12. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @Marcelle123 prayers & maybe miracles gratefully accepted!

    Luke always rings me from work & it is lovely to hear from me. He is looking after himself better which is a relief & eating well. He was telling a work colleague about his dinners & how much he loves my cooking & yesterday I baked for him! Not baked for years - my brownies turned out a bit cake like but they were very nice & Luke took some to work & they have gone down well! Not time they will be brownies! I’m a perfectionist when it comes to cooking & baking.
    At one point, I did consider entering bake off but I would need one heck of a load of practice!

    I’m just hoping these people get their mortgage this time & we can all proceed! Xx
     
  13. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    So we are STILL waiting for a completion date. We had some very good news the other week in that the buyer’s buyer had received their mortgage offer ( after 1 week!) & they went to sign their contract on Friday just gone so now everyone had signed their contract, we are hoping that we can all complete this Friday. I’m not sure how it will work with my purchase though.
    To be honest, I have had an absolute nightmare with the executor who was miscalculating money. He withheld giving me some money that I needed to pay rent & bills & ignored my request 5 times. I ended up ringing him & having to seriously lose my temper with him before he admitted he had miscalculated. He’s still miscalculated but I am letting it go for now.

    I’m honestly fed up being beholden to him for what is MY inheritance money & the sooner we complete the better. His whole attitude stinks & the way he said but your mum made me executor & not you but who has done the work - not him!

    Everytime I asked him to help me out with clearing the bungalow, he ignored me. I think he is a total idiot to be honest & I can’t wait to be shot of him! Xx
     
  14. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,403
    Yorkshire
    Oh dear, @Kikki21 - still on tenterhooks.
    I sympathise, as we are too.

    Hope it all works out for you, and you can move on properly.

    Very best wishes,
    Marcelle Xx
     
  15. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    I’ve literally had enough now of the whole process. From the time my mum
    went into hospital to now ( apart from meeting Luke & being with him) has been an utter nightmare. I’m fed up dealing with the executor. The DWP have now written to him. Not sure why as I did the whole tell us once thing & said don’t distribute the estate before we check out everything but they already did that as I sent him that correspondence months ago so why are they doubling up I really don’t know. I ended up in a right battle with him on Saturday as I had to ring him & bellow at him to send me money so I could pay my rent, broadband & council tax. That’s gone now so thankfully I had a great wedding show on Sunday but I still need money to fulfil my orders so now I am doing an extra wedding show on Sunday to bring more money in.
    It’s ridiculous!
    @Marcelle123 - you have my utter sympathy as this house buying & selling lark is driving me insane. I have now found out that despite securing a mortgage offer to buy the buyer’s of the bungalow, her buyers also need to secure a re-mortgage of another property they own to get ALL the funds they need. I don’t think my buyer would have sold to them had they known it would be like this. So we are all fuming at this end! Xx
     
  16. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    Hi everyone, well we are still no closer to a completion date at the time of me writing this. Everyone in the chain have now signed contracts but the delay still remains with Diane’s buyers. ( Diane is the lady who is buying my mum’s bungalow) it turned out that they have mixed up their names on their mortgage offer & this is causing the delay. I’m hoping that this will have been rectified ASAP & that we might get a completion date tomorrow but i’m not holding my breath.

    I am seeing a solicitor tomorrow for a free 30 mins session to get some facts over the executor screwing up my finances plus the issue of my mum’s 2nd funeral. It took another tense week of email to-Ing & fro-ing to get some money transferred to me. I explained very concisely why I was in this situation as in I had to stop doing events in the summer months to clear out my mum’s bungalow & he didn’t help me! Obviously I couldn’t build up a surplus of savings plus I was not expecting to be still having to pay rent here so how was I meant to be living on fresh air?

    I have been fact finding hard & I need to clarify that if he tried to stop my house purchase going through that he would in fact be breaking his judiciary duty in harming my interests as a beneficiary as that would cost me money.

    Also if the DWP were owed money then is he actually liable & can they make him pay back any money as I have read that they cannot do this. This is still a big if as I know my mum was on the correct benefits.

    Also I do believe as I am the next of kin, that my mum’s ashes belong to me & that he cannot legally enforce me to carry out the 2nd funeral in Poland. There is now myself & 2 other family members who have said that they have serious misgivings about trying to open up an over 40 yr old man made grave stone because who pays if it breaks?

    Bearing in mind as well that he also admitted that he has miscalculated money & also he has not contacted any of the other beneficiaries of the Will after probate, would all these issues constitute me having the right to stop him being executor & me being appointed as Administrator instead. I need to know the timescale of all of this. To be honest, I just don’t trust him! Xx
     
  17. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,403
    Yorkshire

    Oh dear, @Kikki21 - sorry I missed this post.

    It does sound very worrying, and I hope you get some remedies and things can move ahead.

    I am really sorry to read of all these problems.
    Very best wishes.
    Thinking of you. xx
     
  18. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    Hi @Marcelle123 well I told the executor the legal advice I was given & things settled down but I managed to get some money from him & some money from one of my half sisters to help me through & then I was very fortunate again ( I know my mum is looking after me!) & won a bit of money.
    That & after a successful wedding show have propelled me upwards & not worrying about money as much.
    We still as of this date, have no completion date. The DWP are still rumbling & I have checked that indeed my mum was entitled to pension credit living in the care home. They are specifically checking the dates that she went into the care home to the time she died.

    It seems things are not adding up which if the executor gave them figures. Well they are probably wrong seeking as he miscalculated mine! Xx
     
  19. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,403
    Yorkshire
    Hi, @Kikki21 - thanks for your message on my thread. It's so nice of you.

    I have just read your update here, and I'm glad the monetary situation has improved somewhat, but am just hoping you can steam ahead after the other problems are sorted. xx
     
  20. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,112
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you so much @Marcelle123 i don’t think people realise how emotionally draining this whole wait is unless like yourself, you have been in this situation. I think it makes it worse that the house i’m buying is diagonally opposite me so I can’t help looking at it & thinking just hurry up now!

    We are also on holiday at the end of this month so if we don’t get in this week then it is once again going to be very tight the following week with only having 1 week to go before our holiday.
    The DWP are still digging which is not making me feel comfortable either. We went to clear the rest of the items out of the bungalow last night. It gave me mixed feelings & then I started to feel a bit unwell later on. Couldn’t get warm which is normally not an issue for me & was achy but went to bed pretty early for me so going to keep myself hydrated & not overdo stuff this morning xx
     

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