Moving on after my mum’s death

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Kikki21, Aug 29, 2019.

  1. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,328
    Yorkshire
    That's right - look after yourself. When you're under stress, the last thing you need is to feel poorly. I hope the house buying/ selling starts to get going very soon. It is all so wearing.

    Hope you feel better soon, after taking 'time out'. xx
     
  2. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you lovely lady - I really thought I was coming down with a cold but threw loads of vitamins down me, ate lots of fruit, made a nice curry last night yesterday & feel a lot better today. I rested up & didn’t go to the gym but really did not have the energy. Went food shopping instead & had a lazy time round the shops.
    Both Diane & I chased our solicitors again yesterday. We are using the same company but have different solicitors. We hope that the amended paperwork has now reached the solicitors & we can get a date sorted. It has made Diane ill & me feel awful as it is basically all I think about plus the constant financial stress is also making me feel very uncomfortable as I feel that I can’t even approach the executor for my own inheritance without going into some huge battle with him & I worry what money I will have left to renovate my house with when the sale does go through.

    I tried to do something positive yesterday & ordered some wall paper samples for our lounge & our bedroom & my office/bedroom. We will probably just have feature walls in the rooms with wallpaper & paint the rest of the walls. I already have the flooring for the whole house & the underlay. Our biggest project is the kitchen & dining room being knocked into 1 room
    & obviously that will be the biggest cost too. All that will have to wait I think as our holiday will come first!

    I have 2 wedding shows to go, one this weekend & one next weekend which I hope will be successful & alleviate some stress financially for me. Here’s keeping everything crossed now xx
     
  3. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,328
    Yorkshire
    Just to say that I read your update.

    So glad you're feeling a bit better, @Kikki21.

    Hope the wedding shows go well, and the solicitors act pdq.

    Love & best wishes,
    Marcelle xx
     
  4. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @Marcelle123 hope your house sale is progressing smoothly now as well & I hope your husband is feeling better too.
    I must have had a 24 hr bug as I feel a lot better today. I’m still eating my fruit though & keeping up with my vitamin regime.
    That reminds me I must order Kikki the cat’s thyroid meds today. No news at the moment about a completion date but I have sold something on Ebay today which will swell the coffers so that is very good. Xx
     
  5. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    If someone had told me that never mind the trauma of your parent dying is bad enough but that the process of buying & selling a house on top of all that adds so much to the stress plus dealing with an executor that is basically impossible to work with them & that it’s going to drive you to despair then I would have said no that’s not going to happen but it is happening.

    This man is threatening to derail the entire process. He had a discussion with me on Thursday about a completion date finally. We couldn’t go for this week as the buyer’s buyer is away on holiday which really was not ideal so we agreed to go for the 25th Oct. I told him to tell the selling conveyancer. Friday came & went & I was liasing with Diane all the time but nothing came via email from the selling conveyancer. I literally could not believe this. Then yesterday, I found out that the solicitor has been chasing the executor as he has not confirmed the date with her. This not only affects me but several other people.

    I think it must be deliberate now. I have also found out for 100% certain that he is not using a proper executor account but it is definitely an account in his own name. I have advised him what to do & how to do it & the selling conveyancer has done the same but he has refused to change it. It gives me no other alternative but to seek further legal advice & to send a solicitor’s letter to him. I don’t trust him one bit.
    He has not contacted any of the beneficiaries after probate was granted which is months ago.
    Obviously he could have told them that they are beneficiaries of the Will but will not see any money until the bungalow is sold but no nothing.

    I am now seriously worried that he has spent the money in my mum’s bank accounts & this is why he is refusing to give me some money. I’m not asking for a lot just to help me pay some bills & get by & there is still plenty left over but he has not done plenty of other things I am sure which is very worrying. I am stressed to bits because I message him but he just ignores me. Without confirming the date today then we risk losing that date which obviously affects everyone in the chain. I can’t get on organising insurance or giving my notice here. Xx
     
  6. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    524
    Lytham St Annes
    Kikki I know this may be a daft suggestion but would it be possible for you to go and visit him, stay a few days and go with him to get everything sorted out once and for all.

    I have read your thread and remember this battle you have had throughout.......I understand you just want to get everything sorted and then you can wash your hands of him, get on with your life and continue in your grief.

    I know it’s not ideal but I think I would be seriously going to visit him now.....
     
  7. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,328
    Yorkshire
    @Kikki21 - I am dismayed to learn of the problems that have come up via your executor and the administration of your mother's will.

    I admit, I don't understand the ramifications, as my mother's will was much simpler, being only cash (her house had been sold previously) so the distribution could be done easily.

    The bank account being in his name does sound odd. I can quite understand your wanting legal advice and I hope you get good advice as to the best way to proceed.

    I am so sorry - I pray that it will work out okay, and with no further unavoidable delay. Your nerves must be in shreds. Thinking of you, and sending you love & best wishes. xx
     
  8. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    623
    Hi Kiki, so sorry to read about all the troubles you are having. I couldn't believe it when I read that the sale has still not gone through.

    Regarding your Executor, I found this info online about Executor duties, not sure if this will help you.

    How Long Do Executors Have to Pay Bequests?
    First and foremost, Executors have a duty to collect in the assets of the Estate and settle any liabilities, which are the debts of the deceased person, including the funeral bill.

    After all liabilities have been settled, whatever is left may then be distributed, but in a strict order of priority:

    1. Pecuniary legacies (gifts of specific sums of money)
    2. Residuary Estate (the remaining money in the Estate)
    If the deceased left a Will which set out gifts of specific sums of money, then these must be paid first. The remainder of the Estate (known as the 'residuary estate') is everything left over after these gifts have been paid. So Beneficiaries who are entitled to a share of the residuary Estate will be paid after those who are receiving specific cash gifts.

    However remember that all liabilities must be settled before any payments are made to Beneficiaries. So even cash gifts included in the will should not be prioritised over liabilities of the Estate.

    There is a legal rule that pecuniary legacies should be paid out within a year of the death of the deceased. This is known as the 'Executor's year' and if it is not possible to pay the pecuniary legacies within the time period referred to, the Beneficiaries concerned are entitled to interest.

    What Issues Delay Payment to Beneficiaries?
    An Executor would be expected to demonstrate a basic level of competence during the Estate administration and they should not act with undue delay.

    However, there are certain issues that can arise during the administration period that may cause a delay in distribution. Examples of the potential issues include:

    • A missing Beneficiary – this is where the whereabouts of someone who has been named as a Beneficiary in the will is not known. In these circumstances reasonable investigations should be carried out, usually by using a tracing agent in an attempt to find them.

    • Selling a property – if a property needs to be sold, a Grant of Probate needs to be obtained before contracts can be exchanged. It can take 3-6 months to obtain a Grant of Probate. Additionally, it can be difficult to anticipate the length of time it takes to market and find a buyer for a Probate property, which can often cause delays.

    • Dealing with foreign property or assets – if a foreign property needs to be dealt with, this may also extend the length of time it takes to make payment to Beneficiaries. In most cases, the Executor will have to sell the property by instructing foreign estate agents and lawyers, complying with the legal requirements of that country and obtaining the necessary permissions to sell the property.

    • Investigation by the DWP – another common reason for distribution to take a long time is if the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) makes an investigation into any benefits the deceased received. This will usually add a further 6 to 9 months before the final sum due back to them is confirmed as a liability of the Estate.

    • Statutory advertisements – it is often prudent for the Executor to place a notice of death in the London Gazette and in local papers. This notice will give creditors two months from the date of publication to notify the Executors of any claim they may have against the Estate. Executors who advertise in this way are protected from personal liability for the debts should a valid claim arise later. Again this can prolong the process, as the minimum time given for people to come forward is two months.

    • Six month limit to bring a claim – in other cases, it can be sensible for the Executors to make no distribution until at least six months after the date of receiving the Grant of Probate. This is because there is a six month time limit whereby claims can be brought against the Estate, under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975. This timeframe runs from the date of the Grant of Probate. If a claim were to be brought, it would be far better that the Beneficiaries have not received the money rather than being asked to repay the money.
    What If There Is Not Enough Money to Pay Bequests Straight Away?
    It is important to note that Executors should not pay cash gifts out of their own money and should never mix their own money up with monies comprised in the Estate.

    If the majority of the Estate assets have been received and there's enough money in the Estate account, an interim payment could be made to the Beneficiaries with Executors holding back enough funds to cover any potential costs. These payments should be recorded by asking the Beneficiaries concerned to sign a written receipt, acknowledging receipt of the interim payment. On payment of the final costs or disbursements, the remaining funds would then be distributed to the Beneficiaries.

    What If There Are Unreasonable Delays?
    If there is unreasonable delay, a Beneficiary should contact the Executor, pointing out their obligation to keep all Beneficiaries updated on the progress of managing the Estate.

    As a Beneficiary, you can also demand that the Executor provide an account of the Estate which should outline how much you are due to receive and the progress made in the Estate administration. If refused, there is a relatively straightforward process for obtaining a Court order so the Executor must produce an inventory and an account of the transactions of the Estate.
     
  9. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    If he had a visit, it wouldn’t be from me but from concerned loved ones asking what is going on! He lives in Luton & I’m in Nottingham. I have also just come down with a vile lurgy ( no doubt the stress has not helped) & i’m in no fit state to go anywhere at the moment.
    And honestly I don’t want to go near him as he would end up getting his ear chewed off with the stress he still continues to give me. Besides which I am going on holiday in 10 days time & haven’t packed anything & also due to work on Sunday with the final wedding show of the season so it’s my last chance to fill the coffers before my holiday. He’s just happy to leave me high & dry so it seems.
     
  10. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    I’m in absolute bits through all of this @Marcelle123 - I told him that I effectively gave up working for 6 weeks whilst Luke & I cleared out the bungalow & lost income that I would need to have some money from my inheritance every so often to help pay bills especially since being in rented accommodation has cost me 2 months more rent than I was anticipating. Part of that delay was due to him but in the majority, it was also caused by the buyers buyers - even so there is still enough money left over that counts as part of my estate. Now I need to get my purchase sorted out as I haven’t heard from my solicitor xx
     
  11. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @Elle3 i have indeed pointed out the relevant issues to the executor & that he does have a fiduciary duty to the beneficiaries of the Will & especially myself. Yes he has made some interim payments to me which have all been receipted so that is all ok but the fact remains that I have been very much financially inconvenienced by this process & by his actions certainly during the time leading up to the original completion date.
    The DWP are now investigating the final year of my mum’s life & whilst I accept there might be something to pay then it should not be a huge amount if anything. And obviously then payments could be made in instalments. It just feels so inhuman that someone has died & all these organisations want a chunk of the pie so to speak. I’m also prepared to accept partial liability for her debts if it comes to that.

    It’s not only all that but the fact he has my mum’s money in a personal account & also the fact that he has not contacted any of the other beneficiaries despite having contact details that makes everything else look decidedly dodgy. Xx
     
  12. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    870
    DWP aren't being inhuman,it is their duty to investigate and recover any money overpaid
     
  13. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    870
    Also the executor has a duty to pay any creditors before the estate is distributed so probably shouldn't do anything until issue with DWP is resolved.At the very least he should hold back sufficient funds to clear any debt.
     
  14. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    It’s not the DWP being inhuman - it is the entire process of the admin after someone dies that is inhuman. I know they have a duty to investigate but they were very late in doing so. The estate could have been already distributed by the time they wrote to the executor & I have heard of cases where this has indeed happened. And then what!
     
  15. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    As I have kept repeating, there are sufficient funds & I am not suggesting that he pays everything out. If you have read this thread then you should see that I have been financially crucified by this process by the delays to the house buying & selling process & also the fact that I had to stop working to clear out my mum’s bungalow - when you are self employed then every penny counts. I’m down by about £4000 all told. I don’t claim any benefits either!
     
  16. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    I sent the executor an email yesterday in English & in Polish so he has no excuse in not understanding about the legal letter about the executor bank account & what he has to do but now there is another solution which will again cost me more money but the selling conveyancers can send the buying conveyancers the house sale proceeds but the executor has to agree to this.

    This will give me more peace of mind - that at least I can safeguard that transaction. I just don’t trust him & think he is shifty at the very least.
     
  17. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    870
     
  18. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    It just goes from bad to worse!
    So I gave the bungalow keys to Diane the buyer. She was very helpful when I was first sorting the bungalow out & we became friends but she is quite forceful I would say. So it appears there is stuff in the loft which I knew nothing about. Diane had the keys so she could start cleaning & then her husband checked out the loft & found there was a front door there, a mattress, suitcases etc & i’m like what?
    The reason I said that is my mum was disabled & wouldn’t have been able to get up or down loft ladders in any way so this is stuff left in there from when my dad was alive over 20 years ago.

    She wouldn’t just leave it either, it has to be cleared out so I have ended up cancelling my event on Sunday & the chance to earn some money for my holiday, pay the rent etc & have now had to pay for a van instead. I told the executor straight away that there was an issue & showed him the receipt for the van which he hasn’t acknowledged.
    I said to him so are you going to come & sort this out or you are just going to leave it for me yet again!? I got no reply to that.

    Of course he wouldn’t get his hands dirty - he’s not lifted a finger about it but nope he’s the executor so he should!

    I have now taken to messaging him in Polish so that he doesn’t give me the excuse that he doesn’t understand English but again that doesn’t seem to wash either!
     
  19. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,076
    Female
    East Midlands
    I have explained to him simple English law about selling & buying houses & that it is of vital importance that the funds are there on the 25th Oct otherwise he will find himself being sued left, right & centre but he seems adamant that he will transfer the money to me. I have told him in no uncertain terms that due to the fact that he has no executor bank account set up that I want the house sale purchase to be handled by the 2 conveyancing solicitors but he has to agree to this.

    I have to pay a further £100 plus VAT for this privilege but it would mean my peace of mind that I would complete my house purchase and It would mean I get all of the rest of the proceeds in my bank account.

    There is no reason as to why he should not agree to this course of action since it also protects him from being sued but of course yet again I have had no reply from him. I have told him that until I get a response from him
    & then action from my solicitor that I can’t arrange my insurance since I need the exact completion date or give notice on my property here but again he doesn’t seem to care about that.

    The only reason I can think of him objecting is that he is planning some kind of theft of the funds or that he has already taken some money. I did ask for a pdf bank statement of the bank account my mum’s money is in but didn’t
    get that from him, he just told me how much was in the account as a total. Once again I find that dodgy.
     
  20. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,328
    Yorkshire
    #40 Marcelle123, Oct 19, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
    Indeed, it does seem to have become even more worrying. So sorry to read your updates.
    Am just keeping my fingers crossed for you, @Kikki21, that it will all come right in the end.

    Thinking of you.
    Love & best wishes,
    Marcelle xx
     

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