Moving on after my mum’s death

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Kikki21, Aug 29, 2019.

  1. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    I honestly am at a loss at what to do next other than to contact the police. I have actually contacted a retired police officer that I know to see what he might suggest because once again I have had no correspondence with the executor since I messaged him yesterday.
    At worst I think he is definitely up to something & at best that he is utterly rude & discourteous to me to just ignore my messages & not do anything.
    I have asked him if he has contacted the selling conveyancers as regards giving his permission for them to send the money directly to my purchasing solicitors today & once again nothing.

    I honestly cannot believe that my mother entrusted him to behave like this xx
     
  2. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    524
    Lytham St Annes
    Kikki.....do you think he is reluctant to part with any of the money until this DWP investigation is over, because until then nobody can know if they are claiming monies owed or indeed how much??

    Maybe again he is reluctant to agree the money from proceeds being distributed prior to DWP conclusion because as I believe all debts need to be paid prior to any distribution of assets to beneficiaries, which would include your house purchase I think?

    Let’s say the house purchase went through and then the DWP advised of monies owed that could not be paid due to house purchase etc....he the executor would be in trouble.

    I understand it’s stressful and causing you lots of worry, and really hope that everything works out.

    I have been both executor and beneficiary, and it is a stressful process.
     
  3. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    I do believe the DWP thing is partly to do with it but now they are only investigating the last year of my mum’s life. I’ve calculated various scenarios just in case & none of them add up to anywhere near the surplus in the estate which would be my monetary inheritance.
    So I appreciate he may be cautious but he is being totally over the top about it all.

    However, the house situation is very important & the cause of concern is his relunctance to open an executor bank account plus I have asked for a breakdown, proper statement of the funds he is holding in his non executor personal bank account & twice, he has given me the total & nothing else. I’m not happy at this & also the fact he has not contacted the other beneficiaries.

    I appreciate I have had some interim payments from him but I made it very clear that because I had to stop work to clear out the bungalow that I would need money to pay my rent & bills. Due to the sales & purchases taking over 2 mths beyond the original schedule, it has crippled me financially & that isn’t my fault. I know it is a unique situation but what if I had told him that I wasn't going to clear the bungalow!? What would the executor had done then?

    He’s not lifted 1 finger to do that & left it all to me & that is part of his job & not mine! Even tomorrow, I had to cancel an event & lose £350 plus income. He’s not bothered while I have paid to hire a van & clear out the loft. It’s not at all right.
     
  4. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    524
    Lytham St Annes
    I think your absolutely right to be suspicious and not trust him, from what you have said.

    It seems like he is not putting in the effort he should do to get everything done, and part of that is probably because being executor was thrust upon him, if I remember correctly he wasn’t aware and didn’t really want to do it?? However because he proceeded then really he should do the job thoroughly and without undue delay.

    I think he has taken up your offers to do a lot of the work and sat back himself.

    Had you not done the clearance of the bungalow yourself, then he would have had to arrange for it to be cleared ready for sale, and paid for that from your Mum’s funds.

    I really do hope he is just finding it difficult to do and is not acting fraudulently......the quicker it’s all sorted the better.
     
  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,302
    Merseyside
    When I was executor for my Dad, I point blank refused to issue a penny to anyone until absolutely everything had been tied up. I had a legal duty to act for the estate not the beneficiaries.
     
  6. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    870
    I was the same,I was petrified about getting it wrong.
     
  7. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    So I am very definitely suspicious of him because A/ he has a fiduciary duty for every beneficiary & not to harm their interests - by not agreeing for the solicitors to transfer funds between them then he is harming my interests for sure. B/ why has he failed to contact any of the beneficiaries, he has their contact numbers - probate was granted months ago!
    C/ I have asked him several times for the bank statement of the account where my mum’s money is & all he gives me is the total balance which I find fishy if he is above board with everything - also bear in mind that he has refused to set up an executor account.

    I have given up income today by doing what we did - his excuse is he has a bad back - yeah right so let’s just be super obstructive - he hasn’t even sent me the £60 for hiring the van today & I sent him the receipt. Yes I could have skipped everything but it would have cost me £200 as opposed to £60!
     
  8. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    904
    Male
    North West
    @Kikki21 I think you are going to have to now push this matter if you are so concerned, however if the exceutor is protecting the estate contrary to what you believe, then you have no argument.

    As executor of my dads will and his share of the estate I would not allow anyone any proceeds to be paid out until all matters were settled and that took the best part of 6 months. Even people asking for small tokens I sent away until I could then complete execution, including any items of value not regarded as 'estate'.
     
  9. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    I have already sent my solicitor an email seeing what the next step might be so she will pick that up in the morning tomorrow.
    Bear in mind that I have now spoken to 2 solicitors & they agree that there could be dodgy dealings afoot here from his behaviour.
    Another position I have checked is interim payments & yes you can make them as long as you are confident, there is enough money in the estate which we have established there is.

    To be honest, I would not have financially put myself in such jeopardy as I have now in saying that I would clear out my mum’s bungalow, due to all the hoarding & sorting, it took a few months to clear & I did this on the understanding that I would have access to my part of the inheritance money because of my loss of income.
    The whole selling & buying process has taken over 2.5 mths longer than anticipated. That has cost me 2 more months rent than I was wanting to pay.
    It’s not just that though, he is now endangering my credit score, if I don’t have enough money to pay my final rent & my bills & as of this moment in time, I really don’t have that money.

    I have given him an alternative solution so that the money from the house sale proceeds is handled by the solicitors. Which he has refused to allow.
    What reason has he got to do this & just be super stiff?

    I have even said in an email that if there are debts that go over the estate value that I am prepared to accept liability of them - what more does he want from me?

    Every will & situation are different & there maybe are not many right or wrong answers here but as of this moment in time, I feel I need to safeguard my interests somehow & it may even mean that I lose my house purchase.
     
  10. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    So, has the sale of your mums bungalow now completed and the money from the sale gone to the executor?

    I can understand the executor hanging onto it, until all the debts to the estate are paid, and whilst he doesnt know how much the DWP may or may not need to retrieve from those funds, I believe he is correct in not distributing the funds. What may or may not be owed to them is 100% his responsibility.

    When I executed my late fathers estate I didnt/couldn't tell any of beneiciaries what they were going to get until the 11th hour, because quite simply didn't know!
     
  11. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    No it hasn’t completed - it is due to complete on Friday.
    Read the thread that tells you what he has/hasn’t done.
    I clearly can’t trust the man.
    He could tell the beneficiaries they are so but not tell them the amount & as I keep on saying there are more than sufficient funds for everything.
     
  12. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User


    Very dodgy to have handed over the keys before completion,
    Please make the conveyancer aware of that- far from normal practice.
     
  13. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    870
    The 'legalities'often seem boring and obstructive but there is usually a very good reason for them.I am also surprised keys have changed hands before completion
     
  14. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    The keys haven’t been handed over - the buyer had the keys for one day to clean the bungalow, it’s the least I could do as they were very helpful when I first started clearing the place & they got down all the stuff from the loft which i’m really grateful for because i’m still ill & made myself worse by doing the tip run. The keys are now back in my possession & to be honest the least of my worries in this situation!
     
  15. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    Not changed hands - the buyer had them for a day to clean the bungalow - I had no problem with this. You will probably be surprised at what happens privately between people - I am friends with the buyer & she has definitely gone over & beyond help wise with the bungalow & i’m grateful for that.
     
  16. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    524
    Lytham St Annes
    Any development Kikki, are you still on for completing on Friday, any word from executor yet???

    You are obviously not sleeping well to be posting so early, I am so hoping everything works out, and you can get on with your life, in your new home.
     
  17. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    My boyfriend was up on his early shift so I posted early but sleep isn’t great at the moment & neither is my food intake as just massively stressed. The executor doesn’t know that my boyfriend lives with me, it’s none of his business but his behaviour is horrific in the fact that as to all intents & purposes that for all he knows that I am single, on my own & he has left me with just £15 to my name.
    It’s got worse @DianeW - I ended up having a conversation with him which I might as well had not bothered. He wasn’t listening, tried to talk over me all the time & was just basically a waste of time.

    So the crux of the matter is this - he doesn’t trust me so yeah I have helped him every step of the way as I said to him I would. He’s not lifted 1 finger to clear the bungalow out & this is what I get back?!

    We had an understanding & an agreement that in return for clearing the bungalow out, he would help me out financially with some interim payments from the Will. My boyfriend & I did the majority of the work. He has never thanked us! This was his job to do not mine as executor.

    We were looking forward to going on holiday on Sunday, it is what we have looked forward to for weeks. And now we are not going - long story short. We booked specific accommodation in a specific area which with less than 7 days to go is suddenly not available. An alternative was offered but in a different resort which is not the main area so we had no choice but to accept a full refund & we should have some compensation plus I have holiday insurance but as it is half time, prices are astronomical if not booked in advance. So with a view that if the transaction did go ahead, we may as well get started with the new home but no one can tell us at the moment, what will happen x
     
  18. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    524
    Lytham St Annes
    It’s just an awful situation, communication seems to have broken down now, and he doesn’t seem to care how things are for you or that your short of money etc.

    I think you need to seek legal advice to protect your inheritance, unfortunately that may result in a delay, I don’t know for sure?

    It’s sad about your holidays but with everything going on, it maybe a blessing......it would have been on your mind and spoilt your holiday.

    Concentrate now on getting completion done and getting ready to move, pack as much as you can etc....have a nice holiday when everything is settled that way you will really be able to chill and relax.
     
  19. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,074
    Female
    East Midlands
    He is behaving totally unreasonably & I stayed calm trying to reason with him but he was just impossible & I just said well it’s clear that I am completely wasting my time talking to you so I have tried to work with you & give you advice but you are just not listening so the end result here will be that someone is going to sue you, if not multiple people.

    I sought legal advice from a probate solicitor who was very alarmed at events & made suggestions that he hand over everything
    even at this stage but he refused to do that. I then got a legal letter written to him
    last week by another solicitor ( recommended to me) as regards the lack of setting up an executor account to protect my transaction going through but that hasn’t worked. The suggestion made to the selling conveyancers was that they do the transaction directly with the purchasing conveyancers.
    At the moment, I am not sure whether they can make the decision to override the executor & do this anyway or whether it just delays my purchase going ahead. We still don’t know if it will happen on Friday now. Xx
     
  20. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    I fail to understand why the conveyancer for the selling of your late mothers property is even talking to you. Its his place to make sure the money from the sale of the property go the the executor of the estate. That should be who he is dealing with.

    He cannot just pay it on to someone who is a beneficiary of the estate, surely?

    The probate solicitor that you consulted was alarmed- alarmed at what? The executor not working quickly enough? Not paying out on an estate before he is satisified that he has paid all the debts to the estate ( and there are at least two- the DSS and the conveyancing charges)
    if you are concerned, write or call the probate office and get them to deal with it. Its not a police matter
     

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