If you google ' bangs dementia' it'll bring up an article by Susan Macaulay from way back in 2015.I second the question - what are "bangs"? I would love some new strategies to try so that i can stop losing my temper with my mother who, i may add, is being PARTICULARLY difficult today
Try not to argue, it will make the situation worse. It's not easy we are only human, as he says he doesn't remember, but you do and it's upsetting for you. Let's hope it's just a phase he is going through, that's the trouble with dementia, isn't it.I feel guilty whenever I reach the end of my tether and snap at my husband. After a few minutes when I tell him I'm sorry for shouting at him. He says, 'Oh did you shout at me? I didn't notice.'
So please don't feel bad at letting off steam. I think the thing to guard against is having a big row too often with your husband. In my case it can wear me out and stress me more than trying to turn the other cheek.
We are all individuals, as are the poor devlls we are caring for, so whatever works for me might not work for you, but I wish you good luck. It's hard work but we can only try.
In other words, the carer is always wrong - sigh - even when they're right.If you google ' bangs dementia' it'll bring up an article by Susan Macaulay from way back in 2015.
B - Breathe
A - Agree
N- Never Argue
G - Go With Their Flow
S - Say Sorry
Susan expands on each concept and it really has helped me. I work as manager for a very busy charity shop, my OH phoned me 3 times today - whether to feed the cat and if so with what, whether we have salad or greens with dinner, how much oil is in the oil tank. Each took an age because he couldnt remember words. I focussed on Bangs, breathing ( while seething!! ) agreeing and just letting him say what he had to say. Not easy when knee deep in donations, volunteers, customers and chaos!! As I said though, we are in early stages so it might not be so useful for any
I think the "not suffering fools gladly" is my problem. That and being impatient. Oh, and I hate not knowing what's coming next. Not the best for dealing with dementia.I sympathise, my PWD, my wife will literally argue that black is white. It is enormously frustrating. And I lose it more often than I should. My entire life I 'don't suffer fools gladly' yet here I am living with one.
I can totally relate to @Newanne story.
I feel your pain! My husband is angry with me much of the time. He assaulted me, I had to call the police and he has told his family that my injuries were self inflicted, that because of my work I 'know what to do'!! His brother has talked about taking legal advice against me. My husband can be charming to others and because the conversations tends to be him talking about himself they don't know that much of what he says is not true or how bad he is. I wonder how much longer I can compromise my mental and physical health for a man that abuses me pretty much on a daily basis.I so understand how easy it is to just loose it at times. I'm sat here fuming feeling like I'm just going to explode. My oh is in early stage of dementia. Yeaterday we visited our daughter and as usual he lied about me, tell them I had no time for him as I was too busy with my friends, he want to go on walks with me but I wouldn't go as I was always walking with my friend. ??? I've been on 2 walks with friend in the last 3 weeks. He sees his friend almost every day!!!! I am sick of smilling and putting up with how he is when we are with our daughter, he's not like that at other times. He has an attitude towards me and puts me down in her company. We are supposed to be spending Christmas day with her and her family but I'm worried its just going to be me trying to smile through the insults. I just want to run ??
Hi ValpianaGlad it's not just me. I try my best ,like we all do but unfortunately I'm not a saint. It just wears you down. How wonderful it would be to have a normal conversation with my PWD.
Hi Valpiana
Reading your post was like looking in the mirror? Obviously not the same senario, but what hit home is thinking about what you should say. Whilst speaking the words of disapproval. Like an out-of-body experience. How to stop this, every day is a school day I suppose? Good luck and don't feel bad, our emotions are high. I know mine are!
Watching this before the start of what will probably be another difficult day, think I will be singing this in my head during the trickier moments "1,2,3,4,5 and 6".....I've read similar threads before and thought about recording this to share, but... well, just because it's been part of my coping mechanisms for the last 18 months or so doesn't mean it'll help anyone else. And it's not a song I'm proud of having written, because... Well, everyone posting in this thread knows about "because".
Anyway... song about getting it wrong. Guest appearance by Mum, in what's now her default mode. Her foot still taps though.
Sometimes.
That’s brilliant.I've read similar threads before and thought about recording this to share, but... well, just because it's been part of my coping mechanisms for the last 18 months or so doesn't mean it'll help anyone else. And it's not a song I'm proud of having written, because... Well, everyone posting in this thread knows about "because".
Anyway... song about getting it wrong. Guest appearance by Mum, in what's now her default mode. Her foot still taps though.
Sometimes.
i was able to apply the above to my parents dad with Parkinson’s and mum with vascular dementia, they were elderly , frail , and from their behaviour it was obvious that they needed to be cared for.
im struggling somewhat with my husband ( he’s 69 and looks as though he’s fit and well), BvFTD affects his executive thinking, apathy, empathy, and At first sight there’s not much wrong with him. He spends all day either in front of the tv or laptop.
But when I’ve spent all my time and the weekend taking care of him, cooking, cleaning clearing the garden and shifting soil with two trips to the tip, I walk in at 3pm he’s sitting there with a bottle of wine, once I’ve eventually sat down after cooking his dinner, washing up, clearing away, he announces he’s going to bed and says ”do you fancy a bit”, I politely declined, but as he was walking away he’s muttering “your no fun anymore “ at which point my resentment rather boils over!!