i , like you, was desperate for relief and went to the doctor near enough every day. They were very good and put me on anti depressants . Not that they did much good. Also other meds which became useless. I visited a counsellor (Counselling for Carers) but that stopped because of Covid. It did help though.
Bridget became really lost to me last easter when she refused to acknowledge me as her husband and then wanted to escape the house. She now struggles to work out who i am but, bless her, she at least attempts to be nice to me but i’m told very soon forgets me when i leave the care home.
Rant all you like. Cry all you like. I do, even though it frightens me how painful it can be. I shout at the walls, why me, why us, I want you back, I miss you so much and the pain remains.
Iv found that people really don’t know what to say. There’s no experience mostly for them to relate to. And there’s an undercurrent of expectation that I should be getting over it by now. How do I manage that?
Can i give you 30 mins pain free? Build up to it perhaps and for a short while. Understand completely and absolutely that what’s happened to your husband is not your fault, you’re doing your best in a monstrous situation, we make mistakes because we’re human, and you have us here to lean on. We’ve all been through this so we know.
Peter