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Lonely

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
926
Southampton
my husband has also got vascular dementia and was also diagnosed in march although he had it in before that. nobody knows truly other that people who live or regularly care for them. my kids they he looks like dad but now they are seeing him more often even the older grandchildren are looking out for him.you cant predict what they will say or do and yes its very hard seeing going little by little. i always say you can see in their eyes that the same person is not there anymore. its a grieving process because you losing the person i fell in love with and married. but i dont dwell on what ive lost but what ive still got. you can be sad later
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
72
He is also at the stage now where he thinks I am some one else I do a job for him walk away come back then he starts telliing me this young girl has just done that .My mother has offered to come and sit with me on a afternoon to give me a bit of company I think she would be quite shocked ,but you are lonely as you cant hold a conversation with him any more, I also think he has gone down hill since he was first diagnosed in march Roll on with the memory cafes can re open and even the day centres.
 

None the Wiser

Registered User
Feb 3, 2020
114
What makes things it harder for me is that I was told by the doctor that his alcohol abuse probably caused the dementia. I feel guilty for being angry about this but it's in the back of my mind that life could be so different if not for the drink.
@Basial My husband drank very heavily for many years before being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s -3 years ago now. The medics said the addiction may well have caused Alzheimer’s but they couldn’t be sure. I now wonder if my husband was drinking excessively because he was aware there was something wrong with him. Now that I look back I realise he was very depressed, but at the time I just felt angry that he showed no desire to beat his addiction. He has shown signs of Alzheimer’s for many years now, long before his diagnosis. We will never know if drinking caused Alzheimer’s but I am with you on being angry that it may have done. I’m equally angry with myself that I didn’t act sooner on helping him to stop drinking, and to look for an underlying cause.
I have regrets that there is unfinished business between us as I put off dealing with it all until I retired from a quite stressful job. Once retired I was straight into being ‘a carer’, and there was no possibility of having any discussion around it. I had hoped that we could create a new life together. Well it is a new life, but certainly not as anticipated!
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
679
He has become the child I never had
I've just spent an hour with a 2 year old and she had more of an understanding of what I was saying and could communicate better than my partner does, it's so sad. Sorry you're having to deal with the aggression, I have that too, it's very hard to deal with, sometimes I just stand quietly and watch him ranting and raving till he's got it out of his system.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
679
After 6+ years of caring and the physical/emotion toll it has taken on me, the sheer joy of discovering a new friendship (albeit still at a very early stage) is heartening
Happy to hear that you've been able to move on with your life @Philbo and find some happiness again , I guess the moral here is to be open to opportunities that come your way. I am at the stage of thinking that my partner should go into a care home but I'm struggling with the idea of losing him (even though I've already lost him really) and also what life is going to be like being alone after nearly 18 years with him....but we don't know what life has in store for us do we.
 

Basial

Registered User
Mar 22, 2020
12
@Basial My husband drank very heavily for many years before being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s -3 years ago now. The medics said the addiction may well have caused Alzheimer’s but they couldn’t be sure. I now wonder if my husband was drinking excessively because he was aware there was something wrong with him. Now that I look back I realise he was very depressed, but at the time I just felt angry that he showed no desire to beat his addiction. He has shown signs of Alzheimer’s for many years now, long before his diagnosis. We will never know if drinking caused Alzheimer’s but I am with you on being angry that it may have done. I’m equally angry with myself that I didn’t act sooner on helping him to stop drinking, and to look for an underlying cause.
I have regrets that there is unfinished business between us as I put off dealing with it all until I retired from a quite stressful job. Once retired I was straight into being ‘a carer’, and there was no possibility of having any discussion around it. I had hoped that we could create a new life together. Well it is a new life, but certainly not as anticipated!
Hi having re-read your post I wanted to say don't be angry with yourself regarding your husband's drinking. My OH went to drink support groups over the years and looking back I can see that he was depressed for many years. However when given anti depressants he took them for a while and then stopped. This pattern went on for at least a decade . Dealing with his drinking, depression and now dementia has left me near to exhaustion and some days I just want to cry. I realise that he only ever worried about himself and myself and the children were his props. As you've probably gathered I'm having a bad day today. I just want someone to smile at me and make me happy but that is not going to happen in this situation.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
926
Southampton
Hi having re-read your post I wanted to say don't be angry with yourself regarding your husband's drinking. My OH went to drink support groups over the years and looking back I can see that he was depressed for many years. However when given anti depressants he took them for a while and then stopped. This pattern went on for at least a decade . Dealing with his drinking, depression and now dementia has left me near to exhaustion and some days I just want to cry. I realise that he only ever worried about himself and myself and the children were his props. As you've probably gathered I'm having a bad day today. I just want someone to smile at me and make me happy but that is not going to happen in this situation.
would a virtual smile with lots of meaning be any good
 

CarolandVic

Registered User
May 1, 2020
12
I have a husband who has vascular dementia and I'm struggling to keep positive during this period. Need someone to talk to who understands.
I have only recently joined the forum. Even six months ago I felt I didn't need help. Now I do. So glad I'm here.
 

Basial

Registered User
Mar 22, 2020
12
I have only recently joined the forum. Even six months ago I felt I didn't need help. Now I do. So glad I'm here.
Hi yes I thought that too but this forum makes us realise we are not the only ones going through difficult times and circumstances so a BIG welcome
 

None the Wiser

Registered User
Feb 3, 2020
114
Hi having re-read your post I wanted to say don't be angry with yourself regarding your husband's drinking. My OH went to drink support groups over the years and looking back I can see that he was depressed for many years. However when given anti depressants he took them for a while and then stopped. This pattern went on for at least a decade . Dealing with his drinking, depression and now dementia has left me near to exhaustion and some days I just want to cry. I realise that he only ever worried about himself and myself and the children were his props. As you've probably gathered I'm having a bad day today. I just want someone to smile at me and make me happy but that is not going to happen in this situation.
Hi @Basial, I suspect we’ve been through some very similar times. Here’s a virtual smile 🙂 and 🤗 from me. I have gone through many years of resentment, however, here I am still with him, and still doing my best! I can’t really tell you why, as I don’t really know.
Now I feel such sadness for him as he is so very lost.
 

Basial

Registered User
Mar 22, 2020
12
Hi @Basial, I suspect we’ve been through some very similar times. Here’s a virtual smile 🙂 and 🤗 from me. I have gone through many years of resentment, however, here I am still with him, and still doing my best! I can’t really tell you why, as I don’t really know.
Now I feel such sadness for him as he is so very lost.
Thank you and hugs from me 😊