Lock Down at Care Home

SKD

Registered User
I heard on Friday that my Mum's home is in lock down - another home in their chain has had a case so I expect that will make them ultra cautious. I was due to visit this coming Friday but that is cancelled. I live some distance away so only visit every few weeks but it is hard to think it may be some months before I can see her. She can no longer speak on the phone but I will try sending some postcards that the staff can read to her - though I think this is more for me than her! At the same time my wonderful aunt is recovering from a major lunch operation.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,203
I have been sending photos by email to the home for them to print out for my Mum. I've discovered how to put a little description under the photo. One of the carers is taking them to my Mum and reading out the words for her. I'm hoping it will help her remember her Granddaughter and Great Grandson and it doesn't put anyone else at risk.
 

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
210
Huddersfield
Finding it hard been over 2 weeks since I seen mum dad not coping well and he finding it hard to motivate himself now and sits at home watching TV I go for my daily walk which somedsys includes shopping I so post messages on the care home Facebook page not working due to furlough so I'm more at home looking after dad who on the verge of probably giving up don't know how the next weeks will turn out
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
221
Ilkley
Finding it hard been over 2 weeks since I seen mum dad not coping well and he finding it hard to motivate himself now and sits at home watching TV I go for my daily walk which somedsys includes shopping I so post messages on the care home Facebook page not working due to furlough so I'm more at home looking after dad who on the verge of probably giving up don't know how the next weeks will turn out
This is such a sad situation. I thought having my mum in care was the absolute worst but then not being able to visit is dreadful for you and in particular your dad. I am still in contact with friends I made in mum's nursing home and they are in the same dreadful situation. One close friend's dad is in the nursing home and her mum is living in her own home self isolating. My friend is supporting her mum dropping food off on the doorstep and talking to her through the window. It all adds to the enormous upset. My mum died in January and after visiting her every single day for three years I was able to sit by her bedside for the last week of her life. It's unimaginable not being able to do that. Sending love and thinking about you xxxx
 

towergirl3

Registered User
Oct 6, 2016
31
I think the idea of stopping all visitors is a badly thought out reaction. I think a more sensible solution would be to limit visits and spot check everyone i.e. temperature and signs of cold or coughs before allowing entry. My main concerns are with people near the end of their lives, it is really fair to say no you cannot visit them?
I agree, My mum has been in a nursing home since november, until lockdown i visited her everyday. Its so difficult not being able to see her, the home are not communicating at all with families other than saying she is fine when I phone up. They have numerous agency staff going in during the evenings who arrive by public transport. I don't understand why relatives pose a risk but these staff do not. I am certain that theyare keeping residents in their rooms, whilst the immobile ones may accept this my mum will become quite distressed at not being ableto leave the room.
 

JudyJxx

New member
Apr 4, 2020
1
Got the phone call I have been dreading at Lunchtime yesterday = "Under a directive from the Care Commision home closed to all visitors until further notice. Nor is any resident allowed to leave the Home for a run or meal out. All incoming entertainers have been cancelled. I found the news devastating. OH and I have been together for 56 years and never been apart for more than a couple of days. I have visited him in the home most days since he became resident there. I do not go out of a sense of duty or to check up that he is being cared for properly (he is). I go because I miss him. Sometimes he is half asleep and I don't stay long, sometimes he is on good form and we have a walk together in the gardens, or a long chat over a cuppa. He retains his sense of humour, makes me laugh, cheers me up. Also I often get involved in the 'activities' and through this have become friendly with the caring staff and other residents. All this has now been taken from me and to make matters worse my other regular activities outwith the home have been cancelled. Can't even work in the garden as it is raining AGAIN.

I phoned my Dsis and BF this morning I suppose to have a moan. One said that I should look on the bright side, that I would not feel guilty about not visiting because it would not be my fault??, the other said not to worry because if OH became seriously ill they would let his next of kin in to see him!! They don't get it do they? I feel bereft of my purpose in life i.e. doing everything I can to make life easier for my .OH and that I have overnight become a (hopefully) temporary widow. Keep thinking that even violent prisoners in jails get visitors.
Hi
I'm a nurse in a care home my mother also has altziemers.We are currently on lockdown and it has been very difficult for the relatives. Have you got a smart phone you could ask a member of staff who has one.Then you could facetime the member of staff who could let you see your husband and let him here your voice .We have done it for some of our residents and it goes a little way to comforting all..
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,343
Merseyside
Hi
I'm a nurse in a care home my mother also has altziemers.We are currently on lockdown and it has been very difficult for the relatives. Have you got a smart phone you could ask a member of staff who has one.Then you could facetime the member of staff who could let you see your husband and let him here your voice .We have done it for some of our residents and it goes a little way to comforting all..
Welcome to DTP @JudyJxx It‘s lovely that you’re doing that.
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
293
Central Scotland
With all the reports of outbreaks/deaths in Care Homes on the news, I am feeling the urge to bring OH Home to self isolate just the two of us. Part of me (the brain) knows this is not sensible. Part of me (the heart) feels that if we are to succumb, we should do it together.
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
546
Hi
I'm a nurse in a care home my mother also has altziemers.We are currently on lockdown and it has been very difficult for the relatives. Have you got a smart phone you could ask a member of staff who has one.Then you could facetime the member of staff who could let you see your husband and let him here your voice .We have done it for some of our residents and it goes a little way to comforting all..
I asked about this at the home where my husband is and was told it wasn’t possible due to privacy issues as per the CQC guidelines
 

Sarah@Margaret

New member
Apr 10, 2020
1
@Wifenotcarer I'm struggling with the same dilemma. Mum has been in CH for 6mths, she is being kept in her room most of the day and although the staff are wonderful and set up Skype/Facetime they had to stop it recently as they were overwhelmed. I'm now in a position where I could take her home, I have everything she needs and my heart is breaking to think of what might happen if I left her there. We're lucky to live in a remote town where the virus hasn't caught us yet but still I'm constantly worrying what if? I've spoken to the CH manager and SW both don't recommend it but neither have said no. I have until Monday to make a final decision. Any advice would be appreciated, stay safe everyone, thanks.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,862
Dorset
Your hearts may say you want to bring your loved ones home but what will happen to them if you catch the virus and are no longer able to look after them? They will have lost their place in care homes in which they are currently settled and happy. Even moving them home could cause unthought of problems to them and to you. They are in residential care for a damn good reason, including their need for 24 hour care. How do you think you can carry this out without support from other people and services, all of whom are overstretched to the limit in the current circumstances?
 

Max68

Registered User
Aug 21, 2018
81
Sussex
I understand the feelings of all here.

Mum's care home was locked down weeks ago. We got a call and I was going to visit before they locked down but as I worked at a school and we hadn't as yet shut at that point I made the difficult decision not to visit before they closed just in case I had picked something up at the school. I wish I had gone now, weeks later, but at the time I thought it was the right thing to do.

I miss her dearly and feel very guilty for not being there for her BUT people can be asymptomatic with this virus so can you imagine visiting, not knowing you were carrying the virus until later on after being tested and when cases had appeared at the home? Can you imagine how you would feel knowing you had inadvertently caused spread within that home? I certainly wouldn't be happy at all if mum became ill because a visitor had spread the virus and I am sure others would feel the same. We would be asking the home why on earth did they allow visitors?! You would feel absolutely awful.

Possible spread from carers and staff is another matter. It's unfortunately an occupational hazard, a risk that can't be 100% avoided BUT again the care homes will do everything they can to stop it getting in, hence the non visitor rules. Even GP's aren't visiting at mum's home unless absolutely necessary because they carry a risk of being a carrier.

It's been difficult for sure. Having to complete an Advanced Care Plan in case mum did contract the virus was awful to do only made slightly easier due to her wishes in the Health and Welfare LPA but still terrible to have to complete. However considering just over a year ago we were fighting for a diagnosis whilst mum struggled in her own home I know despite some risk mum is definitely in the safest place and I hope that I will see her again one day soon.
 

May30

Registered User
Feb 25, 2017
37
Hi,
I haven't seen my dad who's in a nursing home for a month now. I used to visit regularly and he would sometimes recognise me but couldn't communicate very well. He's 75. At the start I took comfort in the fact that there was nothing I could do and that staying away was the only option. It made me feel like it wasn't my fault. Today I did a Skype call with him and am incredibly upset after feeling like he has really deteriorated even though I knew that this would most likely happen as he is only really stimulated by visitors and his physio who would walk with him twice a week (otherwise he's bed bound) has stopped. He's gaunt and his eyes are more hollow but he did smile. I knew that as soon as I saw him I would feel this huge wave of guilt that I haven't done enough and haven't been there for him but I've been trying to manage my anxiety about not being able to visit by just hoping he's OK and being ignorant. I feel awful and panicky and I don't know what to do or how to make myself feel better. It's making me feel ill. Not knowing when I will see him again feels awful. I don't know if he will know who I am anymore and I feel like I've let him down.
 

bdmid

Registered User
Dec 4, 2013
36
70
Bristol
I think the idea of stopping all visitors is a badly thought out reaction. I think a more sensible solution would be to limit visits and spot check everyone i.e. temperature and signs of cold or coughs before allowing entry. My main concerns are with people near the end of their lives, it is really fair to say no you cannot visit them?
Sadly that’s what has happened to me, my mum was at end of life and very poorly, but there was no exception, the home would not allow me to see her. Mum passed away 3 days ago. It is just surreal and I can’t get my head around she gone. I had not seen her for almost 3 weeks and I have to wait until Tuesday when the Chapel of rest reopens after the holidays. I really hope this doesn’t happen to you.
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
221
Ilkley
Hi,
I haven't seen my dad who's in a nursing home for a month now. I used to visit regularly and he would sometimes recognise me but couldn't communicate very well. He's 75. At the start I took comfort in the fact that there was nothing I could do and that staying away was the only option. It made me feel like it wasn't my fault. Today I did a Skype call with him and am incredibly upset after feeling like he has really deteriorated even though I knew that this would most likely happen as he is only really stimulated by visitors and his physio who would walk with him twice a week (otherwise he's bed bound) has stopped. He's gaunt and his eyes are more hollow but he did smile. I knew that as soon as I saw him I would feel this huge wave of guilt that I haven't done enough and haven't been there for him but I've been trying to manage my anxiety about not being able to visit by just hoping he's OK and being ignorant. I feel awful and panicky and I don't know what to do or how to make myself feel better. It's making me feel ill. Not knowing when I will see him again feels awful. I don't know if he will know who I am anymore and I feel like I've let him down.
There aren't any words to make your feelings better. I'm sending you a hug as I totally understand how you must be feeling. My mum died in January after three years in care. I never believed I would have to hand over her care to someone else. For 3 years I visited every day. She was blind and Alzheimer's took her into a terribly sad world and me too I have to admit. When the lock down began I couldn't imagine if she had still been here not being able to sit beside her and hold her hand. We all do our best and you are doing just that. Little comfort I'm sure in the current situation but it's something you can't change and I'm sure you know the fantastic carers are doing all they can. Sending love xx
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
221
Ilkley
Sadly that’s what has happened to me, my mum was at end of life and very poorly, but there was no exception, the home would not allow me to see her. Mum passed away 3 days ago. It is just surreal and I can’t get my head around she gone. I had not seen her for almost 3 weeks and I have to wait until Tuesday when the Chapel of rest reopens after the holidays. I really hope this doesn’t happen to you.
That's terrible and just the worst scenario imaginable. Sending love and a hug xxx
 

pixie2

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
88
Hi,
I haven't seen my dad who's in a nursing home for a month now. I used to visit regularly and he would sometimes recognise me but couldn't communicate very well. He's 75. At the start I took comfort in the fact that there was nothing I could do and that staying away was the only option. It made me feel like it wasn't my fault. Today I did a Skype call with him and am incredibly upset after feeling like he has really deteriorated even though I knew that this would most likely happen as he is only really stimulated by visitors and his physio who would walk with him twice a week (otherwise he's bed bound) has stopped. He's gaunt and his eyes are more hollow but he did smile. I knew that as soon as I saw him I would feel this huge wave of guilt that I haven't done enough and haven't been there for him but I've been trying to manage my anxiety about not being able to visit by just hoping he's OK and being ignorant. I feel awful and panicky and I don't know what to do or how to make myself feel better. It's making me feel ill. Not knowing when I will see him again feels awful. I don't know if he will know who I am anymore and I feel like I've let him down.
I feel the same. Its making me ill. I know my mam is deteriorating and i can't hold her
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
439
With all the reports of outbreaks/deaths in Care Homes on the news, I am feeling the urge to bring OH Home to self isolate just the two of us. Part of me (the brain) knows this is not sensible. Part of me (the heart) feels that if we are to succumb, we should do it together.
Your hearts may say you want to bring your loved ones home but what will happen to them if you catch the virus and are no longer able to look after them? They will have lost their place in care homes in which they are currently settled and happy. Even moving them home could cause unthought of problems to them and to you. They are in residential care for a damn good reason, including their need for 24 hour care. How do you think you can carry this out without support from other people and services, all of whom are overstretched to the limit in the current circumstances?
I feel the same as Wifenotcarer, I've felt like that way before the virus as we were happy to bring mum home from the outset of her accident (she doesn't have Alz) and care for her ourselves as that what she would have wanted.
My issue isn't with the nursing staff and carers of the home but with the GP that covers it and the CQC. It's a long story but the gist of it is that the GPs are inept and mum was only put in there because the CQC said she needed 24hr care. Her state hasn't changed but the CQC said she's improved. I think that was only said because they wanted to remove their funding but should also mean she doesn't need to be there. We're waiting on clarification.

That said, there's no way I could or would move her right now, especially in the midst of lockdown, and support the home in the locking down if it means greater protection for her. It's just that the restriction of seeing them stirs the heart and mind even more so at these times.

Sadly that’s what has happened to me, my mum was at end of life and very poorly, but there was no exception, the home would not allow me to see her. Mum passed away 3 days ago. It is just surreal and I can’t get my head around she gone. I had not seen her for almost 3 weeks and I have to wait until Tuesday when the Chapel of rest reopens after the holidays. I really hope this doesn’t happen to you.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss @bdmid I lost my dad this year but was able to have his funeral in early March before any restrictions. That was sad enough but to be in your position now, I cannot imagine what you're feeling now. All the best to you x
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,132
Yorkshire
Hello @Sarah@m
@Wifenotcarer I'm struggling with the same dilemma. Mum has been in CH for 6mths, she is being kept in her room most of the day and although the staff are wonderful and set up Skype/Facetime they had to stop it recently as they were overwhelmed. I'm now in a position where I could take her home, I have everything she needs and my heart is breaking to think of what might happen if I left her there. We're lucky to live in a remote town where the virus hasn't caught us yet but still I'm constantly worrying what if? I've spoken to the CH manager and SW both don't recommend it but neither have said no. I have until Monday to make a final decision. Any advice would be appreciated, stay safe everyone, thanks.
Hello and a warm welcome to DTP

I do appreciate how tough it is not being able to visit right now
Personally I would say think thrice before taking your mum out of residential care... consider the reasons that led to deciding to make the move... and take into account that if anything goes wrong it is so much harder to get support right now... and it's doubtful her room would remain empty so getting a new placement will be difficult

I agree with others... heart may say one thing, head another... in this situation head needs to be listened to
 

Bellena

New member
Apr 12, 2020
4
Sadly that’s what has happened to me, my mum was at end of life and very poorly, but there was no exception, the home would not allow me to see her. Mum passed away 3 days ago. It is just surreal and I can’t get my head around she gone. I had not seen her for almost 3 weeks and I have to wait until Tuesday when the Chapel of rest reopens after the holidays. I really hope this doesn’t happen to you.
I am so very sorry for your loss @bdmid . What you have experienced is mine and I'm sure many others nightmare with our loved ones in care homes on lockdown.
What a surreal world we are presently in, where our absence from their lives is a kindness and keeping them safe, whereas our usual visits, a hug or caring touch is a deadly weapon.
My thoughts are with you and your family. X