- Mar 9, 2016
@Joyboy, my heart bleeds for you. I also wish with all my heart that I could hold my husband’s hand and cuddle and kiss him.I live in Scotland and have been to visit my husband this afternoon under the new rules for visiting. I am heartbroken and I was very upset seeing him looking so frail and bent over in his wheelchair. He didn't seem to recognise me even though I have been skyping him during the lockdown, but must admit that this has not been very successful. My husband has been in the home since last November and seemed to have settled in well. Prior to this he was in hospital for 10 weeks as he had fallen in the day centre and broke both his hips. After the first operation he was seriously ill and suffered from delirium. In fact at one stage we thought we were going to lose him. Before being admitted to hospital he could walk unaided, wasn't incontinent, and although he had Alzheimer's and was challenging at least he was 'whole' and we would cuddle and kiss. We have been married for 54 years and he has always been my rock and the love of my life. I suffered a stroke 18 months ago and my left hand doesn't work properly, so some things are difficult for me without help. However I can drive my car which is a godsend. My husband didn't cope very well when I was in hospital and his Alzheimer's definitely deteriorated at this stage. Like others on this forum I feel that people with dementia have been let down badly during the lockdown. More aggression and medication seem to be common themes and this is all probably due to the lack of visitors and them not understanding why they are being abandoned. I copied 'intheloop's' verses on this forum entitled 'My heart is breaking for you' as I felt it encapsulated everything we are all probably feeling at this time. When I came back home this afternoon I phoned my son, who lives near London, to let him know how distressed I was seeing his Dad like that. My son is very supportive and phones me every morning to make sure that I am ok. We also zoom with his twin brother who lives in Australia and that cheers me up. Talking with the manager before I left the home she said that my husband has definitely deteriorated and is probably in the last stages of dementia. How do we carry on when life is so cruel. I like to think that I am a very positive person but I feel so helpless, what can I do to help the love of my life when he doesn't seem to recognise me anymore and seeing him so frail is heartbreaking. Oh to be able to hold his hand, give him a cuddle and a kiss again.
It’s all very well showing on television people visiting in lovely gardens. As the supervisor said these visits work for frail elderly people who understand the current situation but don't for people like ours are. We have been together for 46 years but in the officials eyes this doesn’t seem to count for anything.
As I said I’ve e mailed the senior manager but I’ll have wait until next week to see what if anything can be done as she is on annual leave, it’ll be a long week.
Take care x