Just wanted to talk...

[uk23150]

Good evening everyone,
I have nobody closed to me that I can talk to about what I am going through emotionally ( I do have friends, who have got there own problems....a daughter, who I don't want to upset and her started worry about me.....a husband, who can't stand when I am crying and annoyed with me most of the time.... professionals though - but I chose not show my wicknesses ) . I have been taking care of my Mum since she's been diagnosed with vascular dementia 8 years ago. Mum has been living with me. We were always close! I was there for my Mum when she started mixing things up years ago, then - with her being confused....very confused....forgetting my name....forgetting who I was....struggling to eat, drink....walk....But I was there for Mum....and determine to carry on!
Now my Mum is in her final stage of dementia - things are very tough.....
I am looking for a carer who is in the same situation with the loved ones , so we will understand and support each other....just to give warmth and sympathy and emotional support. I live in Nottingham.
Is anybody there please?
Good evening !
Thank you for listening.

 

[Izzy]

Hi there. I'm sorry things are so bad for you.

The beauty of TP is that it doesn't matter where we live. We can all be here for each other at all times of the day and night. The best support I had in caring for my mum and then my husband was from people on TP who live at the opposite end of the country from me and at all points between - also from across the pond.

Please keep posting here. There will always be people around who understand.

 

[uk23150]

Thank you Izzy!
Yes I know - you are right.

 

[Izzy]

Thank you Izzy!
Yes I know - you are right.

 

[Tin]

Talk away on here, but if you are looking to meet up with people in similar situations, might be worth checking out a memory café, sure there are a few in Nottingham area. They are a good place to meet up with other carers. A LZHEIMERS society RUN 4 IN MY AREA, ALTHOUGH MUM AND I NO LONGER GO I DID MEET AND STILL KEEP IN TOUCH WITH CARERS I MET. wE OFTEN GET TOGETHER FOR COFFEE. sorry BUT MY LAPTOP SEEMS TO HAVE A MIND OF ITS OWN, KEEPS GOING INTO CAPITAL LETTER MODE, WHAT HAVE I TOUCHED ON THE KEYBOARD NOW!!!

 

[Izzy]

Oh dear @Tin I think that our computers do their own thing despite what we want to do!

@uk23150 - you can check out what's near you by putting your postcode into the box in this link - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...7320.1508855697-555544372.1504370756#!/search

 

[uk23150]

Oh yes! It's a very good idea - I have heard about it, but keep forgetting to check it and get a contact.....I must admit I went to carers group meeting ones, but finished up getting very emotional and there were no people in the same situation as me - when you are 24 h committed for your loved one!!!! Thank you very much Izzy - I will check now a timetable for the local memory cafes!!!!!

 

[father ted]

uk23150,

On this forum you will find everyone understands what you are going through. We may live all over the country but we share the same problems.

I, like you, look after my Mum who was diagnosed 8 years ago. When she was diagnosed she came to live with me as I found it much easier dealing with things all under one roof than having to drive back and forth. I have a daughter but she is disabled and needs help with everything. My husband is supportive and he does help me but I try not to moan all the time as I am mindful it is my Mum not his and my responsibility not his but he always just says we are all family, bless him. I was very close to my Mum too but the dementia has changed her and I get short tempered and frustrated with having to justify why her clothes need washing or her nails need cutting or why she needs to drink etc. I do have a few friends to talk to but I find myself 'offloading' to them when we meet up and I think that maybe they just get fed up hearing the same thing all the time.

Do you manage it all on your own or does your Mum have carers/sitters sometimes. You do need someone to help you share your load. Please keep posting, it is amazing how better you will feel when you see replies to your posts, you know someone out there is listening. Best wishes.

 

[uk23150]

Thank you! I am glad I have come back here.....to this forum. I registered 3 years ago, but ....somehow did not use it much.....I always thought that I was very strong and could manage.Things are different now and I feel I need help! Yes I do get help - morning call from the agency, day centre 4 times a week, transport, OT. I even manage to work part time two days a week....
I should stop moaning about my life and just carry on! I know! I will!
Thank you for your support.

 

[Izzy]

@uk23150

I should stop moaning about my life and just carry on! I know! I will!

There is no way you're moaning! You're sharing how you feel and that perfectly OK. There's nothing wrong with coming on here and having a wee rant/moan! We've all done it!

 

[uk23150]

Thank you Izzy! You are amazing! I feel better now. God bless you!

 

[DollyBird16]

Definitely share it, I ramble on all the time. It’s just getting it off your chest saying it honestly - no dressing it up required here, you can just say it, happy, sad or angry.
It’s just the knowing others get you and just knowing people are there. x

 

[Scouts girl]

We are all her to support one another no matter what stage of this journey we are going through. Please don’t hesitate to have a rant or express your emotions whatever time of day or night. TP has got me through some dark times and when I feel at my lowest I know that there are people out there that know exactly what I am going through. Keep posting your thoughts uk23150.

 

[SnowWhite]

Hello and welcome Dollybird.xx

 

[uk23150]

Definitely share it, I ramble on all the time. It’s just getting it off your chest saying it honestly - no dressing it up required here, you can just say it, happy, sad or angry.
It’s just the knowing others get you and just knowing people are there. x

Thank you very much DollyBird16! You are right - "getting it off my chest " worked.....feeling better now....it's just one of those tough days....I am thankful that my Mum is still us...just like everybody else I need to recharge batteries .....be more positive...thank you kind people!!!!!

 

[uk23150]

We are all her to support one another no matter what stage of this journey we are going through. Please don’t hesitate to have a rant or express your emotions whatever time of day or night. TP has got me through some dark times and when I feel at my lowest I know that there are people out there that know exactly what I am going through. Keep posting your thoughts uk23150.

Dear Scouts girl! Thank you very much for your support.....it was not easy for me to start talking here, but it defenitely worked! You are right - I know now where to turn at my lowest.....thank you from my heart.

 

[DollyBird16]

@uk23150
It’s such a hard job, we do it for love.
One big rollercoaster some days up some days down.
I keep getting tempted to give up work to look after Mum, but at the moment that is my only time off and I think working keeps my level and ability to cope.
Into my second job now dinner to sort.
Speak soon. x

 

[Scouts girl]

So pleased that it has helped you to talk here. Do keep posting to let us know how things are going for you. We are all here for each other.

 

[uk23150]

@uk23150
It’s such a hard job, we do it for love.
One big rollercoaster some days up some days down.
I keep getting tempted to give up work to look after Mum, but at the moment that is my only time off and I think working keeps my level and ability to cope.
Into my second job now dinner to sort.
Speak soon. x

Thank you for your post!
Yes , It's a hard job, and it's hard sometime to find the straights and energy ....on a bad day....But then you feel you can carry on - it's love! It's Life : holding Mum's hand when trying to calm her down, singing her favourite song, wishing her goodnight.....doing everything you can to reduce her pain.
You are right - I find that I look forward to going to work....even for a half of a day.
Enjoy your dinner! Speak later.

 

[uk23150]

So pleased that it has helped you to talk here. Do keep posting to let us know how things are going for you. We are all here for each other.

Thank you Scouts Girl! Yes, now I know! We had a home visit from practice nurse today - finally a flu jab's done!! Have a good evening!