Griefing for what could have been

[nic001]

Mums been in a care home now for a year at the end of next month. She’s settled, probably happier than she has been for a long while so that’s good but I want my mum back. The mum I went to lunch with and watch Strictly with.
I can still talk to her and of course I visit and spend time with mum and my children (who she looked after when they were little) go in, but every now and then I feel angry for what could have been and really sad, for the fact that things could have been so different. After my dad died, 5 yrs ago mum declined and just went backwards in her head, couldn’t cope with being on her own and was extremely anxious. The diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and dementia shortly followed.
I know I’m lucky in lots of ways but I’m grieving too and it’s grief for a person who is still alive.

 

[Collywobbles]

Hello nic and welcome to the community nobody really wants to join. You’ll find many kindred spirits here, and will know that you’re not alone in this type of grieving.

 

[albo]

I have those feelings too with my mum,I remember her taking my son to school for me and all of the cuddles that we had.She's now stuck in a bed at home and can't speak the only thing that makes this situation easier is that she's oblivious to the fact that she's been bed bound for 7 years. My mum was the only Grandparent that my son had that lived local,my son's lived with us since the age of 2 and he's now 21. Mum thought the world of my boy I'm just glad they had such a lovely time before dementia struck.I remember telling her that I was going to be a dad all those years ago and she was so happy.

 

[Angel55]

Mums been in a care home now for a year at the end of next month. She’s settled, probably happier than she has been for a long while so that’s good but I want my mum back. The mum I went to lunch with and watch Strictly with.
I can still talk to her and of course I visit and spend time with mum and my children (who she looked after when they were little) go in, but every now and then I feel angry for what could have been and really sad, for the fact that things could have been so different. After my dad died, 5 yrs ago mum declined and just went backwards in her head, couldn’t cope with being on her own and was extremely anxious. The diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and dementia shortly followed.
I know I’m lucky in lots of ways but I’m grieving too and it’s grief for a person who is still alive.

💗 Hello

Sending a hug(s) My mum passed over 14 years ago (not dementia) and I still miss her presence. I miss the Dad who was always beside mum as grief changed him very much . He has been in residential care for 18 months now . I understand how you feel, grieving xx

 

[nic001]

Jo

💗 Hello

Sending a hug(s) My mum passed over 14 years ago (not dementia) and I still miss her presence. I miss the Dad who was always beside mum as grief changed him very much . He has been in residential care for 18 months now . I understand how you feel, grieving x

💗 Hello

Sending a hug(s) My mum passed over 14 years ago (not dementia) and I still miss her presence. I miss the Dad who was always beside mum as grief changed him very much . He has been in residential care for 18 months now . I understand how you feel, grieving xx

thank you for the hug- much needed x

 

[nic001]

I have those feelings too with my mum,I remember her taking my son to school for me and all of the cuddles that we had.She's now stuck in a bed at home and can't speak the only thing that makes this situation easier is that she's oblivious to the fact that she's been bed bound for 7 years. My mum was the only Grandparent that my son had that lived local,my son's lived with us since the age of 2 and he's now 21. Mum thought the world of my boy I'm just glad they had such a lovely time before dementia struck.I remember telling her that I was going to be a dad all those years ago and she was so happy.

Yes you’re right, it’s important to be grateful for those moments and memories and to cherish those going forward.

 

[Sunshine11!]

Hello,
My darling Mum had Alzheimer’s and died just before Christmas. It was awful watching the mum I’d grown up with disappear, as the Alzheimer’s took hold. The grief then and now is overwhelming at times.
One thing that resonated with so many people at the funeral however, was when the vicar said that “grief is the badge we wear for loving”.
Sending xxxxx