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Just saying...

Joyt

Registered User
Jun 30, 2018
62
You dont have to stay in the life after dementia group - IMO that is really just the place to post threads on those topics. By all means start your own thread there is you wish, but people like me who are still in the midst of it all need people who have walked that path already. I know my mum had dementia and passed away, but OH is very different and I need other experiences. You dont have to stay in one place.
Thank you for that Canary. I’m cheered already.
 

Joyboy

New member
Apr 29, 2020
7
My heart goes out to you Joyt. It is something I dread. My husband has been in a nursing home since last November. He seems happy enough but I will never really know if he is and what he is thinking. I can visit him inside the home now for half an hour a week and I treasure those times even though some weeks he just sits in his wheelchair hunched over and doesn't communicate at all and just falls asleep. Other times he is wide awake and does interact after a fashion. A good day is when I get a smile and a laugh. I often think, how I would cope if he died suddenly? I am a stong person but I feel very vulnerable at times. I have no family nearby, my eldest son died of stomach cancer 10 years ago and my twin sons, one lives near London and the other in Perth in Australia. This year is particularly hard for relatives of people with dementia in nursing homes. There is the constant guilt of placing them in a nursing home in the first place, followed by all the restrictions due to covid. Oh! to be able to kiss and cuddle my husband, we were a very loving couple, married for 54 years. I was 16 and he was 18 when we started going out together, he was and is my one and only love of my life. I hate living by myself and dread the day that I will go through what you are currently going through Joyt. Lots of love and big hugs. Xx
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
34
Yesterday my husband passed away after two years in a care home. He was only 66. I haven’t been able to see him since February.

On the one hand I am so grateful to the care home staff for their love and care of him though this time, on the other I am so angry not just at the dementia which is a vicious and cruel disease, but for the management of covid which has denied me the little time I might have had left with him.

Now, all the normal patterns of bereavement are denied too. Yes we can have twenty people at the funeral but we are spread throughout the country so coming together at this time, and then parting to go back from whence we came increases the vector risk of this disease.

What a time we live in.

Just saying...
I am so sorry to hear about your husband Joyt, it's an incredibly cruel time we live in. x
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,263
69
Dundee
As canary says you don’t have to move to the after dementia/dealing with loss group. Stay with this thread if you want to. I think it’s best to stay where you are comfortable until to feel you want to post elsewhere - it’s up to you. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
1,285
Southampton
sorry for your loss. you can move through different groups. as a relatively new person to all this, i need the experience of a person that has already gone through it and give different ideas to try and what worked and what doesnt. when you are ready, its the beginning of something different.but not the end of something you have known
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
924
Pratteln Switzerland
Yesterday my husband passed away after two years in a care home. He was only 66. I haven’t been able to see him since February.

On the one hand I am so grateful to the care home staff for their love and care of him though this time, on the other I am so angry not just at the dementia which is a vicious and cruel disease, but for the management of covid which has denied me the little time I might have had left with him.

Now, all the normal patterns of bereavement are denied too. Yes we can have twenty people at the funeral but we are spread throughout the country so coming together at this time, and then parting to go back from whence we came increases the vector risk of this disease.

What a time we live in.

Just saying...
Dear Joyt,
My condolences to you. I am so sorry you were unable to be with your husband before he passed away.
There is little I can say, these times of Covid make coming to terms with the death of your husband and all the changes coming to your life even more difficult and unreal. You have my deepest sympathy.
PalSal
 

Joyt

Registered User
Jun 30, 2018
62
Thank you for all your kindnesses.

Today I note that the death certificate states covid 19 as the cause of death. Whilst on one hand I’m horrified that we are now part of the ‘statistics’ I am also aware that he had a peaceful and gentle passing.

I couldn’t guarantee that with dementia and had been fearing the worst.

How strange that these times bring such unlooked for blessings.
 

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