My heart goes out to you Joyt. It is something I dread. My husband has been in a nursing home since last November. He seems happy enough but I will never really know if he is and what he is thinking. I can visit him inside the home now for half an hour a week and I treasure those times even though some weeks he just sits in his wheelchair hunched over and doesn't communicate at all and just falls asleep. Other times he is wide awake and does interact after a fashion. A good day is when I get a smile and a laugh. I often think, how I would cope if he died suddenly? I am a stong person but I feel very vulnerable at times. I have no family nearby, my eldest son died of stomach cancer 10 years ago and my twin sons, one lives near London and the other in Perth in Australia. This year is particularly hard for relatives of people with dementia in nursing homes. There is the constant guilt of placing them in a nursing home in the first place, followed by all the restrictions due to covid. Oh! to be able to kiss and cuddle my husband, we were a very loving couple, married for 54 years. I was 16 and he was 18 when we started going out together, he was and is my one and only love of my life. I hate living by myself and dread the day that I will go through what you are currently going through Joyt. Lots of love and big hugs. Xx