Just saying...

[Joyt]

Yesterday my husband passed away after two years in a care home. He was only 66. I haven’t been able to see him since February.

On the one hand I am so grateful to the care home staff for their love and care of him though this time, on the other I am so angry not just at the dementia which is a vicious and cruel disease, but for the management of covid which has denied me the little time I might have had left with him.

Now, all the normal patterns of bereavement are denied too. Yes we can have twenty people at the funeral but we are spread throughout the country so coming together at this time, and then parting to go back from whence we came increases the vector risk of this disease.

What a time we live in.

Just saying...

 

[Bunpoots]

My condolences @Joyt

I can only imagine how awful it has been for you with all the Covid restrictions. A dear friend of mine lost her father in summer and she had been unable to see him too. Awful times indeed.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for your loss @Joyt. Sending my condolences.

 

[maryjoan]

@Joyt and my condolences also - such a terrible and sad time. I do feel that we are all living the equivalent of a 'disaster movie' at the moment - but we can't just get up and walk out - where on earth will it all end.
Add Covid to dementia and it is unbelievable.

Keep strong, and look after yourself

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry @Joyt. My thoughts are with you.

 

[jaymor]

So sorry to hear your sad news @Joyt.

 

[Philbo]

So sad to hear of your loss @Joyt.

So sorry that you were denied being able to be with your husband - as if dealing with dementia was not bad enough, the pandemic has added a cruel twist.

I lost my lovely wife mid January, aged just 69, after a 7 year "journey". She too was in a nursing home, but only since September. At least we were able to give her the send off she deserved in February (close!) but at the very time I could rely on my support network of friends and family to help be move on, the dreaded lockdown happened.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time and I hope you are able to make the best of getting through these next few weeks.

Phil

 

[annielou]

Sorry to read your story, dementia is cruel enough but now with covid it is unbearably cruel and so very very sad. Sending you love and sympathy x

 

[Lirene]

My prayers xx

 

[HardToLetGo]

Sorry to read your story, dementia is cruel enough but now with covid it is unbearably cruel and so very very sad. Sending you love and sympathy x

Yes, exactly this, sending strength and condolences.

 

[Triffid]

Love and sympathy from
Here too

 

[Just me]

Sorry to hear your sad news @Joyt, awful at any time bud especially now x

 

[Woo2]

Sending my condolences to you @Joyt .

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@Joyt I'm so very sorry for both your loss and the horrible circumstances under which it happened. So difficult and sad not being able to say goodbye properly and to have whatever time together you could have otherwise had.

 

[Joyt]

How odd that I am now no longer belong in the ‘I have a partner with dementia’ group. A bit like I am a widow, when in all but name that’s been my married status for years.

The liberation from the caring role, which comes with the death of a partner with dementia, is a two edged sword.

What now?

Sorry everyone. I’m being maudlin. I have been part of this group for a number of years and followed all your journeys as I have been walking mine. Only someone who has been here knows the terrible toll the disease takes on the carer as much as the sufferer, but there are also the beautiful and poignant moments when the human spirit somehow makes itself felt, even in the darkest times.

I was reminded recently of my OH insisting urgently, when he was still able to walk and talk, that I look, look. Just look will you!

It was a yellow winter pansy.

I went out and bought some plants just to remind me that there were things to learn too.

 

[Joyt]

Its probably time for me to move to the other group, life after dementia.

But I’m not sure I’m ready to say goodbye to you all yet.

 

[Jale]

So sorry for your loss, there is never a "good time" to lose someone, but to have to go through the loss during these difficult times must be so so hard. Take care and please accept some hugs

 

[canary]

Its probably time for me to move to the other group, life after dementia.

But I’m not sure I’m ready to say goodbye to you all yet.

You dont have to stay in the life after dementia group - IMO that is really just the place to post threads on those topics. By all means start your own thread there is you wish, but people like me who are still in the midst of it all need people who have walked that path already. I know my mum had dementia and passed away, but OH is very different and I need other experiences. You dont have to stay in one place.

 

[Lilstar]

Yesterday my husband passed away after two years in a care home. He was only 66. I haven’t been able to see him since February.

On the one hand I am so grateful to the care home staff for their love and care of him though this time, on the other I am so angry not just at the dementia which is a vicious and cruel disease, but for the management of covid which has denied me the little time I might have had left with him.

Now, all the normal patterns of bereavement are denied too. Yes we can have twenty people at the funeral but we are spread throughout the country so coming together at this time, and then parting to go back from whence we came increases the vector risk of this disease.

What a time we live in.

Just saying...

I’m so sorry for your loss

 

[Lilstar]

I’m so sorry for your loss