Hi, I have joint POA with my brother for my mother who has late stage Alzheimers with no capacity. My brother and I have fallen out completely and despite many attempts to ignore his bullying behaviour and move forward, I am now at a point where I feel the relationship has broken down so much that it needs to be dissolved. I cannot step down as I cannot trust his judgement for my mothers care and although I have asked him to step down he has refused. I have asked the OPG for advice but they say that unless he acts in a way that is detrimental to my mother welfare, he cannot be forced to step aside. We argue continually over every little decision that has to be made, he does virtually none of the tasks needed but argues against every decision that I make. Please can anyone advise on my next step?
Joint Power of Attorney Relationship Breakdown
- Thread starter Sezzy
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- poa power of attorney
I am sorry for problems you are having, it is something I have worried about arising between my own attorneys, once the pressure is on.
The Relate organisation might be able to help with the relationship between you and your brother.
The 'tasks' and 'decisions' parts of your problem are perhaps 2 different aspects of your difficulties, which might be better treated as separate issues?
I believe the Local Authority have some responsibility towards your mother's welfare, if that is a concern you would wish to involve them in.
The Relate organisation might be able to help with the relationship between you and your brother.
The 'tasks' and 'decisions' parts of your problem are perhaps 2 different aspects of your difficulties, which might be better treated as separate issues?
I believe the Local Authority have some responsibility towards your mother's welfare, if that is a concern you would wish to involve them in.
If you hold LPA jointly and severally then you can go ahead with caring for your mother in the way you feel is best for her without asking for his agreement. Equally he can do the same!
Can you document instances where he opposes actions which you support and are clearly in your mother's best interests, maybe appealing to social services for a formal meeting because your views differ?
You have to build evidence to give to the OPG showing he is not acting in your mother's best interests, rather than the two of you bickering over decisions.
You have to build evidence to give to the OPG showing he is not acting in your mother's best interests, rather than the two of you bickering over decisions.
Thank you for this, a few things to think about here and research. Yes I hadn't considered that 'tasks' and 'decisions' differ and they should be handled differently. Good point.
Hi @Sezzy, would it be feasible to discuss and - with trust and compromise where necessary - agree with your brother what your mother's care needs are now and in future? If so, you might be able to agree a plan for her care based on decisions agreed in advance. Such a plan would need to be flexible and revised to reflect her changing needs over time.
You are unlikely to agree on everything but, ultimately, it is not about what either of you wants. Wrangling over decisions helps no-one. It is your mother's needs that should be uppermost in deciding on actions and making appropriate decisions that safeguard her welfare.
You are unlikely to agree on everything but, ultimately, it is not about what either of you wants. Wrangling over decisions helps no-one. It is your mother's needs that should be uppermost in deciding on actions and making appropriate decisions that safeguard her welfare.
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