Power of Attorney ‘Battle’

X_5939

New member
Mar 10, 2024
5
0
Hi,

My grandmother is currently in a care home with dementia where she has been for 5+ years now. She has one living child which is my mother.. for at least the last 8yrs, myself and my mother have had NO relationship with my grandfather, it’s a very toxic environment when where in the same room (hardly ever) and when it does happen, you can never have a civil adult conversation with him (very narcissistic, high way or the high way, regularly using my grandmother as a performing monkey sadly - even when trying to discuss my grandmothers needs, the conversation will turn into how hard his life is.

Since my grandmother has been in the care home, he made it very clear to all staff that they are unable to contact my mother for any possible reason as he has ‘power of attorney’. This has proven very difficult over the years but we’ve just continued visiting her regular as he hasn’t put a stop to our visits. After our most recent visit, myself and my mother are lead to believe that my grandmother is being moved into another care setting, when asking the staff what is happening, due to his ‘power of attorney’ status, the staff are unable to shed any light on the situation, meaning at any given point she could be moved into another care setting, and we wouldn’t have any idea.

* side note, my grandfather has cut contact with the entire family to the point we haven’t seen or spoken aunties and cousins for 10yrs+ due to his actions.

I’m simply wondering is there any possible way of challenging his ‘power of attorney’ status, or at least having some say in her health and well-being as sadly, with him not allowing them to contact us.. when the time comes to say our goodbyes, we won’t get the chance. We don’t want any of my grandmothers remaining assets, it is simply just gaining some sort of involvement of her health.

Thank you x
 

Anotherz

Registered User
Sep 25, 2018
33
0
As far as I can see, your mother is next of kin. I cannot see that he can forbid the care home to talk to your mother, even though he may have power of attorney.

To find out details, see https://www.gov.uk/find-someones-attorney-deputy-or-guardian

If you can defuse the situation, that would be good. Giving "difficult people" what they perceive they want can be helpfully productive, even if one has to swallow hard.
 

X_5939

New member
Mar 10, 2024
5
0
We’ve tried for a number of years to talk it through and see eye to eye for the sake of my grandmother however it’s just not been possible. - there’s been a lot of ‘stretched truth’ over the years and when it gets mentioned to him, he isn’t the most approachable person.

Through the whole process he has always gloated that he was next of kin/power of attorney - not my mother. Without sounding blunt how would my mother be next of kin?

Thank you for your reply
 

Anotherz

Registered User
Sep 25, 2018
33
0
She's your grandmother's daughter; I could be wrong, if her mum had named another as next of kin, but in any case I cannot see how a care home can be told by someone with power of arrorney not to tell family where your grandmother is going. I would be inclined to take legal advice (present the bare facts), and talk to the care home in the light of that.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
7,449
0
Salford
You could check out article 8 of the human rights act 1998, the right to family life is enshrined in that.
Just a thought, but family isn't just a partner, as your mother is grandmother's only surviving child surely that counts as family too.
Just out of interest have you checked he does have a registered power of attorney and is it health and welfare, legal and financial or does he hold both. K
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,778
0

@Kevini has such a good idea. Link to check power of attorney exists is above.

I would purchase a suitcase. I would hide an AirTag under the lining. Then gift the case to my Grandmother For her impending move.

I would say to they staff ‘ we don’t want this lovely case but would love it if granny could use it for her move.

If worse came to worst and the AirTag was discovered then I would simply say’ oh we AirTag all our cases, in case they get lost! I had forgotten this one had been done too!’. What is anyone going to do about it anyway ? There is no such offence as air tagging your granny.
That way you will know exact where her new home is, as AirTag batteries last a year.
 

Scarlet Lady

Registered User
Apr 6, 2021
609
0
Perhaps I have got the wrong end of the stick here, but surely if your grandfather is your grandmother‘s husband or civil partner, he is automatically next of kin, unless she specifies that she wants someone else. (In the U.K., your next of kin can be anyone you choose, not necessarily your closest living family member, although that doesn’t apply in most countries). As for Power of Attorney, I would check with the Office of the Public Guardian.
 

X_5939

New member
Mar 10, 2024
5
0
You could check out article 8 of the human rights act 1998, the right to family life is enshrined in that.
Just a thought, but family isn't just a partner, as your mother is grandmother's only surviving child surely that counts as family too.
Just out of interest have you checked he does have a registered power of attorney and is it health and welfare, legal and financial or does he hold both. K
Hi, if I’m totally honest I thought ‘power of attorney’ covered all aspects - thank you so much for that information though, we’ll 100% be looking into it!
 

X_5939

New member
Mar 10, 2024
5
0
Perhaps I have got the wrong end of the stick here, but surely if your grandfather is your grandmother‘s husband or civil partner, he is automatically next of kin, unless she specifies that she wants someone else. (In the U.K., your next of kin can be anyone you choose, not necessarily your closest living family member, although that doesn’t apply in most countries). As for Power of Attorney, I would check with the Office of the Public Guardian.
From what he’s said in the past he is my grandmothers next of kin, so we’ve never questioned it before. As my grandmother has been suffering with her memory for around 15yrs now - he took over everything to ensure that everything was in place and told us everything was sorted, not to worry. Since then we’ve had a family fall out and left in the dark ever since.
 

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